Saturday, April 06, 2013

The Sky Is Falling- No Seriously, It Is

No more queefing  rainbows or grundling unicorns, it's time to get real.  The 2013 version of the Philadelphia Phillies is laden with flaws.  Many of you Phools out there will tell me to "back down from the edge" or that "it's a marathon, not a sprint".  To you, I offer a nice warm glass of shut the hell up.  We Should Be GMs has gotten soft over the past few seasons, and rightfully so (the Phils were in the playoffs 5 straight seasons).  However, the streak has ended and the kiddie gloves are coming off.  This year, you the reader, need to prepare for verbal venom being spit up in here.  We're dropping knowledge, yo!

In No Particular Order of Worthlessness:
*The All-Star, formerly know as Michael Young, is deceased.  Four games is a small sample size, but it's enough for me to judge him, and my judgement is cruel.  Bat is lifeless and fielding is statuesque.

*Chris Davis vs. The Phillies.  Homeruns: Davis- 4, Phillies 3.  RBI: Davis- 16, Phillies- 13.

*Remember when I continually complained about the Phillies horrible Spring Training ERA?  Well, it's currently 7.68, worst in the Majors.

*I've been farting smoke rings from all that smoke the Phillies and the media blew up my ass this offseason about the improved bullpen.  Jonathan Papelbon and Mike Adams are high quality.  The rest...not so much.  Some douche-nozzles keep beating the drum of "Fielder Independent ERA" as evidence of the bullpen's "true ability".  That shit doesn't matter.  What matters are the actual runs allowed.  I wish the omnipotent statistical masturbating imbeciles would shut their collective faces.   

*Maybe it's time Roy Halladay finally takes that trip to the zoo...and toss him in the lion's den.

*My prediction for the Phillies record: 75-87.

*For those searching for a beacon of hope- Chase Utley, Jimmy Rollins, Cliff Lee, and Dom Brown came to play this season. 

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

It IS early...
But, yeah, a piece of sky *did* fall into my coffee cup this AM when I saw Lannan is starting....

GM-Carson said...

For the record- I love Roy Halladay and hope he figures it out. He's my favorite pitcher of all-time.

Anonymous said...

Agree with every single word and I also PRAY Roy figures it out.

GM-Carson said...

The Phillies organization (including Minors) is 2-10. Pathetic.

Corey said...

michael young looks like he's playing in an old-timers game.

---
"look kids, it's michael young. i remember when michael could really hit the ball. i'm glad to see him out here today. does he have an artificial hip?" ---

the only way he's getting a hit off of the royals is if mark gubicza or dan quisenberyy takes the hill today.

that being said, i can actually see the phillies winning 80 games this year...

GM-Carson said...

Oh, Corey, you're such the optimist.

Anonymous said...

Still too early, but the bullpen is GARBAGE other than Adams and Papelbon. I'm hoping Durbin and Bastardo can get it together and the starters can get through six night in and night out to at least give us a chance. 'Cause Horst, Valdes, etc. are what I would simply call "not good."

Utley is encouraging. Lee was dominant the other night. That's essentially the only silver lining we get right now.

Even some of the Philly writers/TV personalities are getting weary of the team. Zolecki, who's the best, seems to think the team's done. Botalico seems he'd rather pitch himself.

Corey said...

although, i disagree with the post title. the sky is not falling. the sky fell sometime last season. now we are just trying to convince people to look at the giant chunks of sky that are laying all over CBP.

Ben said...

I think Halladay can figure things out just because he's got the brains to do it. I think he'll be a very different kind of pitcher if he does though- his fastball is probably never coming back. I can see him re-emerging as kind of like a Jamie Moyer type pither, in that he'll through slop but through location and craftiness gets outs.

Corey said...

agreed. but can the phils (and the fans) watching jamie moyer-like halladay post an EAR over 4 and make 20 million dollars?

in other news, did KC put out a AAA lineup tonight or what? if they don't win this one, forget the sky, the entire 'milky way' might fall...

Beer-a-Thon said...

Ryan Howard- still overpaid. (Shut up SirAlden!)

Michael Young's walkup music is Beastie Boys' Sabotage...respect.

Beer-a-Thon said...

Check that, it's "So What'cha Want" by the B-Boys.

Aaron said...

Awful just awful. This team looks a lot like the team I watched last year.
Come July we will be in Rebuilding mode. Could also see Howard getting traded at the deadline with the Phils paying a chunk or his salary.
Lee will be traded. Halladay will be traded to toronto.
Time to start routing for Brown, Revere, Joseph, Ashe, Morgan, Biddle, Martin, Ruf.
It's only 4 plus games but they just look awful.

Ben said...

Quality Start from Lannan. It is much appreciated, although he leaves in line for the loss. Where's the offense when you need it?

Anonymous said...

Every night it's something different. When one thing goes right, something else goes wrong.

Ben said...

Kevin Frandsen may have just saved the season. Thank you so much Frandsen!

Aaron said...

Put Frandsen in Right Field, Mayberry and Nix should never be allowed to play baseball again.

Anonymous said...

Kevin Frickin' Frandsen!

Definitely deserves the start at third tomorrow. Guys reminds me of a '93 Phillie. Gritty and tenacious.

Beer-a-Thon said...

Frandsen has done nothing, but hit since joining the Phillies. His bat needs to get into the lineup. He's the reason I wanted the Phils to never get a 3rd baseman this offseason, just stick with him and Galvis. Money could have been spent trying to land a real outfielder, not DL POS Delmon Young.