Monday, August 13, 2012

Series Preview - Carnival Goldfish

Monday, 7:10 - Cole Hamels v. Nate Eovaldi
Tuesday, 7:10 - Oh no, it's KK v. Josh Johnson
Wednesday, 12:40 - Roy Halladay v. Mark Buehrle

Why Carninal Goldfish?
...because that fish describes this team way better than the one they are using now.

Every dumb little kids loves winning a goldfish at the carnival. It swims around in that little plastic bag full of water, it's scales majestically reflecting the fluorescent light coming from the top of the funnel cake stand. The kid's parents know how this is going to end but they do what they have to do, and they spend a bunch of money on a new bowl, some food and bowl decorations like small blue stones or a miniature castle. And for a few days or a week, that fish lives like a king. It sits in the living room or on a prominent table for all to see. The kid feeds it every day. Dad changes the water in the bowl. But then... things change. Dad stops changing the water and it becomes cloudy. The kid forgets the fish exists because mom moved the bowl into the corner of the kitchen behind the toaster, so he never feeds it The fish starts swimming more slowly every day until one days it's "swimming" on its back. And nobody really cares, including the kids. So Dad flushes it.

Well, that's basically the Marlins season.

Oh, how everybody loved the Marlins at the beginning of the season. They signed one of the shiniest catches in the free agent market, hitting champ Jose Reyes. Reyes joined young slugger Mike Stanton, 5-tool knucklehead Hanley Ramirez and perennial breakout, Cy Young candidate Josh Johnson in what looked like a contending team. Then they added the loud-mouthed attention whore Ozzie Guillen to manage these young studs. Of course, just having the fish wasn't good enough. They needed a new bowl (Marlins Stadium) with interesting decorations (whatever the hell that thing is in center field that makes noise when homers are hit). They hosted an Opening Day game. They were the darlings of Baseball Tonight. Everything was peachy in South Beach.

Then, things went wrong. Josh Johnson didn't pitch so well. Mike Stanton complained that the park was too big to hit homers. Jose Reyes, the batting champion, was hitting below .250. Hanley Ramirez was just plain horrible, on both his play and his attitude. People stopped paying attention. The bowl became cloudy, if you will. They started swimming slowly. And then one day, Hanley was in LA and the fish were in last place. The season got flushed.

Prediciton:
Phils win two to take the series with KK taking the one loss, of course.

14 comments:

GM-Carson said...

That is the perfect anology of the Marlins season. Bravo.

Bob D said...

Love it. Lol.
KK or Worley? Who goes out of rotation first????

For 15 million a year Papelbon should be groomed for rotation

GM-Carson said...

Remove KK from rotation and insert Cloyd.

Shut Worley down for the season, get him his surgery and replace him with Matt Wright or Tom Corchran...who cares.

Bob D said...

I have to say this type of analogy is very entertaining .... I would enjoy reading more of these. Lol. Good job

Ben said...

Let's try Mini Mart on the mound, he sure as hell is worthless as a position player.

SirAlden said...

Ryan Howard - 7 homers in 100 at bats this year.

I think we would not have had the golden age without him.

SirAlden said...

I agree let Worley heal and find some new specs.

SirAlden said...

Hows are your Baseball League teams going Corey and Carson?

How about an update?

Is there anyway a non player can take a look at the league?

Andrew said...

I know its only been like 40 ABs but I like what I'm seeing with Brown so far...

GM-Carson said...

I hate the official scorers in baseball sometimes. Howard just had a grounder hit right at him and he let it go under his glove and they scored it a hit. Bullshit. Wasn't even hit hard.

GM-Carson said...

Awesome outing by Cole.

T Marty said...

Long time fan of this site, first time commenter, very well written, perfect analogy is right. I had many a gold fish in my childhood and adult life. Cloudy, love it.

Bob D said...

A great game thrown by Hamels - now to watch KK pitch today....Marlins may never score this series

Bob D said...

Hmmm I seemed to have called the back to back shutouts