Monday, April 02, 2012

U2 - One (Juan Pierre Remix)

[In light of Juan Pierre making the Opening Day roster, I remixed U2's "One" to honor his best skill - leading the league in caught stealing. I picked caught stealing over his second best skill, having a small head but wearing a large helmet, because that didn't fit into song easily. Enjoy.]

Does he make them better?
Or are they still the same?
It will make it easier to blog now
We’ve got someone to blame
I say...

Juan runs
Juan swipes
When it's Juan’s speed
It’s all hype
Juan runs
But it’s not rare that
He gets caught often, we
Don't care for it

Did I disappoint you
Thought Podsednik with a tear
You act like you never saw Juan
Get caught stealing every year
Well it's...

Too late
To drag his stats out into the light
He’s Juan, but he’s not that good
He will get
Caught stealing
Caught stealing

Have you come here for a pennant?
Why is your bat so dead?
Have you come here to play left field?
Why not Dom Brown instead?

Do we ask too much?
More than a lot
You give us nothing
Now that’s all we got
You’re Juan
But you’re not that good
Well we'll
Boo you daily
Then we'll do it again


Beer-a-Thon said...

Bravo, bravo.

Now Juan will go on to hit .300 this season.

Corey said...

that'll be his OPS and his percentage of successful steal...

Preserve Jon said...

PreservJon is taking his talents to South Beach. Okay not exactly, but I am moving from Delaware to Maryland - where I will no longer be able to receive CSN Philly to watch Phillies games live. Sonovabitch!

Corey said...

yeah, but now you aren't blacked out by major league baseball, so you can at least buy and watch the games on your computer or xbox or buy the "extra innings" thingy for cable.

Preserve Jon said...

What am I, made out of money?

Ugh. David Murphy is becoming nearly as insufferable as Andy Martino. It's clear that he's talented, but he shows it with all the subtlety of the sledg-o-matic.

"The only thing we can really take from these games is circumstantial evidence that supports the various observations that our intuition has recorded after a month-plus of watching the daily working of this team."

It's sentences such this that are great for their capacity to communicate at an adult level, but also for the manner in which they give the readers a big whiff of "I'm-better-than-you."

Corey said...

that has to be a joke. he also must be mocking andy martino.