Sunday, April 22, 2012

Do Not Vote Phillies for 2012 All-Star Game

Are you f'n kidding me?!?!?!

The image above is some bullshit propaganda provided by Phillies.com

2012 Phillies All-Star Hopefuls Credentials:
Placido Polanco - .192/.434, 3 R, 1 RBI.  His bat is as dead as Dick Clark.   Shouldn't have been voted the starter at 3rd base last year, and sure as hell shouldn't be this year either.  If you vote for Polly you probably like Kool-Aid with no sugar, fries with no ketchup, beer with no alcohol, going to the bathroom with no toilet paper, sex with no partner, etc.

John Mayberry Jr. - .179/.385, 0 R, 2 RBI, 12 K in 39 AB.  I'm not even sure what to say about this.  Voting for JMJ would be like voting for the devil in the 2012 Presidential election.

Hunter Pence - .276/.747, 8 R, 2 DBL, 2 HR, 7 RBI, 2 SB.  Not bad, but not really good either.   He's fun, but that shouldn't get him All-Star votes.

Carlos Ruiz - .275/.736,  3 R, 3 DBL, 1 HR, 3 RBI.  Chooch is good, but not All-Star good.

Jimmy Rollins - .237/.535, 7 R, 3 RBI, 2 SB.  He's been miscast as a leadoff hitter in the past, and now he's misplaced in the 3-hole.  Ask the Mets who's the team to beat now.

Chase Utley - 2 bum knees, no games played, career in limbo. If you vote for Utley you should probably have your citizenship revoked.

Shane Victorino - .293/.763, 8 R, 2 HR, 4 RBI, 6 SB.  If you really felt the need to vote for a Phillies player, I'd cut you some slack if you chose The Flyin' Hawiian, but you still shouldn't.

Ryan Howard - no games played, no return in sight, making $20M in the first year of a 5 year extension that might go down as one of the worst in MLB history.  By the time 2016 rolls around, Howard and Utley might both be in wheelchairs.  Voting for Howard would be like supporting inflation, higher gas prices, communism, and a career resurrection for Macy Gray.

*Stats through games played on April 21st.

36 comments:

GM-Carson said...

What the hell is wrong with Hunter Pence? Looks horrible.

Jim Thome should retire. I'm serious.

GM-Carson said...

Thome is now 1-15 with 9 K.

Amaro is stupid.

Randy said...

Someone trade Blanton while he still has some value--I'm begging ya.

GM-Carson said...

From 102 games won last year to complete shit pile in this season.

This team is bad. Really bad.

GM-Carson said...

Where's everyone telling me to relax about this offense now?

See, they disappear when they know they're wrong.

GM-Carson said...

Orlando Hudson was on the brink of being released before yesterday's game. Phillies pitching has momentarily saved him.

Aaron said...

This team is terrible. We need to have a fire sale at the trade deadline and blow this team up. Call up Dom Brown and let him play, I don't think he's gonna be very good but the need to find out if he's part of the future.

GM-Carson said...

It could be a very interesting trade deadline for the Phils this season. Hamels, Blanton, Qualls, Victorino, Contreras, Polanco, Pierre all in last year of their contracts.

Amaro would eff if up though. Just look at the shit he got when he traded Cliff Lee.

dawgbones said...

I'll worry about the offense whenever it decides to show the $(#$ up!!

Ben said...

If the Phillies fire sale, I'd rather have them trade Doc or Lee and use the money they're saving to keep the younger Hamels. Doc might possibly want to go- he came here to win a series and it's clear that's not gonna happen in the two remaing years here. Lee not so much, since he picked us for less money over two other teams that could also contend.

GM-Carson said...

Let's trade Howard. I mean, that was the steal of the century the Phils signed him to, obviously somebody will want to take him on. Right?

GM-Carson said...

Some dude who called me "fair weather friend" on Twitter is saying the Phillies will still win 90-92.

Hahahahaha


hahahahaha


hahahahahaha


hahahahahahahahahahahah

HA!

Beer-a-Thon said...

Phillies pinch hitters are 1-21 this season.

Good job Amaro. Well played sir, well played.

Aaron said...

Carson you were way off on your prediction of 7 runs and 2 wins. They scored 8.

GM-Carson said...

Aaron- Corey predicted that. I would have echoed him though.

Corey said...

"voting for the devil in the 2012 Presidential election." - many people actually did that in 2008...

wow, how close was i in that prediction? i'm smart.

thome should retire. yes.

trading halladay and signing hamels is not a bad idea.

trading howard is a great idea.

fairweather fan? stupid. just because you think your team isn't very good isn't 'fariwether,' it's just realistic. we'll be here blogging everyday about our favorite team. hell, we'll probably be here more often...

Steve Wulf said...

This team sucks because our GM SUCKS!!! Amaro is horrible and for the past three years he's been riding the coattails of gillick and now it's catching up. Carson...I agree he will screw up the trade deadline because he sucks!!! AHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

GM-Carson said...

Corey- I originally had Barack Obama with a strike through for that electing the devil thing, but decided against it. Funny how we think alike.

Ben said...

We could trade Howard, but we'll have to eat two thirds of his contract. While realistic in the last year or two of the deal, it's just not economical to pay 15 million or more to a player on another teams roster for five years.

Anonymous said...

2008: World F'n Champions

2009: Lose World Series

2010: Lose NLCS

2011: Lose NLDS

2012: ----- (Nadda)

Step back each season. That's the pattern, fellas. Take it to the bank.

GM-Carson said...

I hope that's not the pattern. I've become spoiled. I don't want to go back to no playoff baseball.

C.M.R. said...

voting for ryan howard because i *would* like to see macy gray make a comeback someday

GM-Carson said...

Macy Gray was one of the worst popular musicians I've ever heard.

C.M.R. said...

yeah, but dat hairstyle.

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