Friday, March 25, 2011

Exclusive Q&A with Roy Oswalt after Head Wound

We Should Be GMs was fortunate enough to obtain an exclusive interview with Roy Oswalt following the life threatening line drive he suffered off the bat of Manny Ramirez. He was noticeably groggy and agitated, but agreed to our questioning because of his love of our blog.

Q: How do you feel? How did you sleep last night?
A: I got knocked the f**k out, how do you think I slept? I have a bruise the size of Oprah's butt on my head. The whiskey and Percocet helped with the pain, but only temporarily.

Q: Did you have any time to react?
A: Yeah, tons of time. That's why I left it hit me in the head, because that's so much fun. You're a dumbass. Next question.

Q: The neck looks swollen. It's just stiff? It's not painful or anything?
A: Stiff is what old men get when they pop a Viagra. This bitch is straight crippling. Imagine a bunch of ninja fists punching you behind the ear repeatedly until you succumb to the pain and fall motionless on the ground. That's about it.

Q: No headaches?
A: No, just a pulsating throb that doesn't quit. There's also the sound of the ocean, you know like when you put your ear to a seashell, that's constantly in my head. Oh, and when I ate breakfast this morning I heard the sound of cracking bone.

Q: Are you going to have concussion tests?
A: Nah, I ain't no pussy.

Q: Have you ever had anything like that happen?
A: I can't recall. Doctors say I may have suffered brain damage and partial memory loss.

Q: Do you feel lucky?
A: Yeah, of course. Doesn't everyone wake up with the intent on being struck in the head by a fast moving object? You are so stupid. I'm surprised they allow you leave from the halfway house for retards that you live in. This interview is done. Good bye.

*Actual interview found at The Zo Zone.


GM-Carson said...

Oswalt is badass.

GM-Carson said...

We got our asses kicked in the Phield. We did gather 244 votes and made the Sweet 16 this year, so I am proud of us nonetheless.

Bob D said...

I wonder if Manny will be the one getting hit in the head at thier next meeting?

ripjgarcia said...

Lidge shut down.

Suprise, surprise.