Tyson Gillies Likes to Shag

From the mouth of Manuel-

"He (Tyson Gillies) definitely has energy. He can run, too. I was watching for two days. He started one day in center field. They hit a ball to right field and he went all the way over there and caught the ball. He stayed there. And then somebody hit a ball to center field and he went back and caught it. He does that every time. He's something, man. He takes shagging to another level."

Where the Wild Things are Werth

There seems to be endless possibilities for Photoshopping these days thanks to Jayson Werth and his scraggly hair and Grizzly Adams' beard.

Of course these two "wild things" might get a bit miffed at Werth's latest act.

*Make sure to pay a visit, or multiple visits as in my case, to the genius of Jayson Werth Beards.

Werth Year One

Jayson Werth's beard has become a phenomenon. There's a massive collection of Photoshopped pictures of Werth depicted as various people ranging from the likes of Chuck Norris, Patrick Swayze, the Geico Cavemen, to even Kate Winslet from Titanic at Jayson Werth Beards. The above is WSBGMs submission. Check it out and prepare to laugh.

Create the Caption

"Phillies Phans sure are inventive bastards."
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Schmidt Proclaims Philly's Awesomeness:
"What a place to be playing right now. I feel a kinship to Chase [Utley] and Ryan Howard and the whole crew. It's a great moment in time in Philadelphia baseball."

~Michael Jack Schmidt

GTL or HGH?

Carson posted a link in the comments section yesterday to a picture of the new and improved David Wright. If you haven't seen it yet, go HERE and check it out.

Dude is jacked up. In less than four months, Wright went from professional baseball player to Lou Ferrigno. In the article, his new physique is attributed to dietary changes and workouts with "more passion." Now, I would never randomly accuse a player of taking steroids, but I'm pretty sure "more passion" is code for "needles in the ass."

Besides PEDs, the only other explanation for Wright's muscular explosion is that he spent the last four months with Ronnie and "The Situation" doing GTL. You know, gym, tan and laundry. And by laundry, I mean needles in the ass.



In completely unrelated news, Major League Baseball plans to begin testing minor league players for HGH. Luckily for Wright, he doesn't play for the Buffalo Bisons.

Fist pump!

Time For The Phillies To Worry?

Sure, the Mets don't have everything going for them. They have three third string catchers. Two of their best players coming off of major injuries. Luis Castillo is still there. But things may have changed this week. They may have found a cure for Ollie Perez.



I'm doubtful anything can fix Ollie Perez, even Fred Wilpon's homeboy. I'm especially skeptical after reading Koufax's full quote about pitching.

"You can't control the ball unless you can control your body. He's got a great arm. People pay too much attention to delivery. Pitching is throwing. It's precision throwing. ... Sometimes delivery is overrated. You're throwing, and that's the basis of it. You don't want to change what you do. I think people need to have some sort of delivery, but delivery shouldn't interfere with your ability to throw."

Huh? I'm confused and I'm at least seven times smarter than Ollie. I'm pretty sure Ollie Perez will gain nothing from this and continue to suck, so no worries Phillies fans.

Next up for Wilpon's "ace in the hole" - getting his money back from one of his other homeboys, Bernie Madoff.

Around the NL East

Washington Nationals:
All the buzz is about rookie phenom Stephen Strasburg, but the gNats fans better start paying attention to right-handed relief pitcher Tyler Clippard. He may just be their ace in the hole this season. Why? He ate a lucky hot dog and proceeded to club a hole-in-one on the golf course, his first ever.
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New York Mets:
That fat lazy dog Rod Barajas is now donning a Metropolitans uniform...puke! We here at WSBGMs hated him before he even caught an inning behind the plate for the Phillies, and hated him even more once he actually saw game action. Now we have an excuse to loathe the son of a bitch.
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Florida Marlins:
A Fish's coach, Carlos Tosca, thinks that Josh Johnson is Roy Halladay Jr- "even though their stuff is different, he reminds me in every way of Roy Halladay." Johnson, who was recently locked up long term, is dominant, but comparing him to Halladay at his stage in his career is a bit premature. Lets see him hold up over a few consecutive years without breaking down before crowning him with legendary status.
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Atlanta Braves:
Stud pitcher Jair Jurrjens had a precautionary MRI last week due to shoulder pain. It revealed no damage, but their is some inflammation. I don't wish injury upon anyone, (because that would make me a bad guy), but missing Jurrjens for any stretch of time would only be positive for the Phillies. I gotta admit, that with a healthy Jurrjens and Tim Hudson, the Braves rotation looks scary good.

Homeless Man & Park

What the hell did Jayson Werth do this offseason? Apparently he decided to save money on housing and personal care items and didn't look in a mirror for 4 months.

*Image courtesy of our homeboy Todd Zolecki @ The Zo Zone.
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Parked in NY:
Chan Ho Park came to Philadelphia last season with every intention of winning the battle for the 5th spot in the rotation. He won the job, but unfortunately he didn't really do much winning on the job and therefore was "demoted" to the bullpen. In relief is where he flourished for the rest of the season. That's why Rube asked him to return to the Phillies in 2010 in the same capacity at a rumored 1 year $3.25M. Park passed and remained a free agent until now, signing with the Yankees for a piddling 1 year $1.2M. Should have stayed parked in Philly, silly Chan!

Name That Player #24

Standings:
Andrew - 6
Caleb - 4
Preserve Jon - 3
Joseph - 2
8008 WFC's - 2
Utility Derek - 2
Mike The Mac Guy - 1
Jstocksazag12 - 1
Roy - 1
cnovick21 - 1

Both of these players were rookies with the Phillies and went on to have productive careers largely in the National League. You must name both players to be credited with the win.

Create the Caption

"Gap is bigger than when Moses parted the Red Sea."
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Why?:
The Houston Astros extended nutsack-faced GM Ed Wade through 2012. Guess they expect to stay mediocre, because that's the definition of what Wade has done there so far (166-166 in 2 seasons). Maybe by the end of his tenure there he'll have fielded a team exclusively composted of ex-Phillies has-beens.
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Quotability:
Roy Halladay when asked about Johan Santana's proclamation the Santana is the best in the NL East- "No, I steer clear of that. I think it was a Lou Holtz quote, 'Well done is always more important than well said.' I've always tried to take that philosophy. I try to stay out of those things as much as possible."

Brad Lidge on his horrendous 2009 season- "I'm going to burn my '09 shirts and we'll get this over with and move forward from there."

Charlie Manuel on Roy Halladay- "He doesn't talk a whole lot. He kind of smiles. He definitely goes about his business. He comes in, he's always doing something -- he never sits still. If he talks to you, it's very short, and he'll go to the weight room, and if you stand there talking, he'll say I gotta do something, and he'll go out there running or whatever. So far, that's what I've seen of him."

*Quotes courtesy of The Zo Zone.

The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly

WSBGMs were fortunate enough to get our grimy mitts on MLB.com's Phillies writer Todd Zolecki's new book The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly. We're pleased to report it's longer than 3 pages (we worried that it would be 1 page for each category: The Good- Chase Utely, The Bad- David Bell, The Ugly- Ed Wade). In fact, it clocks in at 218 fun-filled pages for the literate. For the illiterate, there's pictures, so don't stress your stupid little brains. It's a collection of "heart-pounding, jaw-dropping, and gut-wrenching moments from Philadelphia Phillies history".

The book includes Zolecki's "Dream Team" of pitchers and players, an account of major moves made over the years, a section devoted solely to our beloved non-English speaking manager Charlie Manuel, and much more. The forward is written by Larry Andersen radio partner Scott Franzke. Pick up a copy at any fine bookstore, online, or beg Todd for a copy.

When I Think About Roy I Touch Myself

Hat tip to Todd Zolecki (Packers fan, journalist and author of "The Good, The Bad &The Ugly," the greatest piece of American literature since Fitzgerald penned "Gatsby") for posting this picture of Roy Halladay creating his own masterpiece in a bullpen in Clearwater.

Magnificent. The only thing better would be Cliff Lee throwing right beside him. But maybe they are better with a French Canadian reliever without hemherroids and the second coming of Curtis Pride. But I digress. Back to the stellar view of a Halladay delivery. It's so pure. Almost mesmerizing. I love it. But maybe not as much a Uncle Fuqua.

Wow, two hands down the pants. He's really going for it. And he doesn't care about the goateed gentleman standing beside him, this performance is going to be celebrated regardless of who it may offend. No wonder he wanted to lose so much weight this offseason. A chubby guy could never go two-handed, as the off hand would be required to hold the gut up and off of the belt. But a skinny Fuqua is having no problems.

Look at him. In the height of ecstasy. Is this Spring Training or Hedonism? Paul Ruebens is jealous of his public display of pitching appreciation.

Get some, Fuqua.

Name That Player #23

Standings:
Andrew - 5
Caleb - 4
Preserve Jon - 3
Joseph - 2
8008 WFC's - 2
Utility Derek - 2
Mike The Mac Guy - 1
Jstocksazag12 - 1
Roy - 1
cnovick21 - 1

Thurzday QuizDay

I recently came across a website, Sporcle.com, that wastes at least an hour of my otherwise productive work day. It's a sight full of quizzes. It sounds stupid, but it can be addictive. I made a few Phillies quizzes and I thought a few of you out there might enjoy trying your hand at them. Here are the first few I made. Good luck.

1) Can you name the opening day lineup in 1988? Guess here.

2) Can you name all the Phillies managers since 1980? Guess here.

3) Can you name the Opening Day leftfielders of the 1990's? Guess here.

The Jeter/Utley Connection

What do Derek Jeter and Chase Utley have in common aside from being top performers in the game and having been on opposing teams in the last World Series? They both do offseason conditioning with revolutionary trainer Dr. Phil Wagner.

Derek Jeter was losing range at SS and some giddy-up in his step during the 2007 season so he decided to look into strengthening himself differently during the 2008 offseason. His quest to increase his flexibility and longevity in the game brought him to Wagner at Sparta Performance Science in California. Jeter's defense, speed, and hitting has improved since then.

Chase Utley, who admittedly wears down as the season turns from hot summer nights to cool autumn evenings, has enlisted Dr. Wagner's help this offseason as well and hopefully the results will soon become evident-

Wagner sought to increase Utley’s flexibility — and thus his longevity. The more flexible a player is, the more resistant he is to injury – and the more “elastic” and “whippy” his body becomes, Wagner said.

For Utley, the effect could be stronger throws, faster running times and less strain on his surgically repaired right hip when he swings.

Chase Utley is already awesome, how much awesomer can he get? Well, I for one am eager to find out.

*Further evidence that TV Land is pulling for a BoSox vs. Phils 2010 World Series.

Early Arrivals

The official reporting date for pitchers and catchers isn't until Thursday, but that hasn't stopped some of the Phillies chuckers and backstops from assembling in Florida ahead of schedule. Roy Halladay, Cole Hamels, Chad Durbin, Scott Mathieson, Kyle Kendrick, JC Romero, JA Happ, Brad Lidge, and Phillippe Aumont are some of the early arrivals for the back-to-back World Series appearing Phighins...time to get excited!

*Image courtesy of The Zo Zone.

Phillies Reality TV Connection

This weekend I reported on the latest installment of Survivor's connection to the Phillies with Kyle Kendrick's wife Stephenie Lagrossa donning a Phils cap, and today I bring to you news of former 3rd base coach of the 2008 World Series Champion Philadelphia Phillies Steve Smith's appearance on the new season of Amazing Race. Sam Perlozzo replaced Smith this past season, but Steve isn't forgotten. Steve is paired up with his daughter Allison for a race around the world.

Remember when the only thing you heard or saw about the Phils was negative or a passing Will Smith shout out? My how the tides have turned. The Phillies might not be a household name like the Yankees in terms of nationwide appeal, but they're surely working their way up the MLB food chain to media darlings. What's next a Jim Eisenreich reality series on Bravo or a Lenny Dykstra documentary of rags to riches to bankruptcy?

*By the way, Jim Eisenreich spent 4 seasons in Philly batting .324 with a .833 OPS...wow!!!

Who Here Likes Wang?

It's always fun to look around the NL East to see what the "competition" is up to and there is some interesting Nationals news floating around. They signed Adam Kennedy this weekend. That’s nice. There is also a rumor they might bring Kris Benson and his wife to Spring Training to have a look. And while it’s a nice view, I’m skeptical that Benson has anything left. Whatever. I’m more interested in Wang.

The Nationals offered former Yankee pitcher C.M. Wang an incentive laden contract rumored to be worth a guaranteed 1-2 million bucks. Jon Heyman of SI.com reports that Wang threw “only 85 MPH off flat ground” in a recent workout. Heyman implies that this scared off at least one team but apparently not the Nationals. I’m not sure why throwing “only” 85 MPH off of flat ground for a sinker ball pitcher coming off of an injury a month before Spring Training starts is a negative, but I’m glad it’s not scaring off the Nationals. Wang was a solid pitcher before his injury and even at 85% of his best he’s better than the 4th or 5th starters on the Nationals depth chart. Also, in case you didn’t know, his name is slang for penis. If he pitches against the Phils a few times next season, that is three or four posts worth of dick jokes and double entendre. Maybe even some Wang photoshopping. Who knows what else. The possibilities seem endless. It's easy blogging and we here at WSBGMs are always looking for some easy blogging, especially if it involves dick jokes. So if you might laugh at this sort of things, pay attention to Nationals this week and hope that they land a Wang.

Happy Artificial Love Day

Valentine's Day is one of those Hallmark holidays that is practically pointless. Store up all of your love for that one special day a year and then go spend ridiculous amounts of money on roses, crappy candy, and a stuffed animal that will be in a yard sale come summer time. Whatever! WSBGMs is going to celebrate this Artificial Love Day with an opportunity to poke fun at the Mets; naturally because you've come to expect nothing less. Enjoy...

Survivor's 2010 World Series Prediction

On the 20th season of Survivor, it is Heroes versus Villains which premiered Thursday night on CBS. Representing the Villains is "Boston" Rob Mariano and for the Heroes Stephenie Lagrossa. As evident, Boston Rob reps the patented Boston Red Sox cap he's featured every season he's been on, but new to the fold is Lagrossa's camouflage Philadelphia Phillies hat. She is the wife of Phillies pitcher Kyle Kendrick. Is Survivor showcasing the 2010 World Series match-up already in February? If so, I hope good (Heroes) prevails over evil (Villains).

*Hat tip to Phoul Ballz for the screen shot of Lagrossa.

*Originally posted yesterday on More Hardball.



Survivor- Eye of the Tiger

Phillies Phlashback Phriday: Brian Hunter(s)

One was tall, lean, and fleet of foot; the other stocky and powerful. Who? Brian Hunter and Brian Hunter. What? Yes, you read that correctly, today we flashback on both Brian Hunters.

Brian L. Hunter started his career out in Houston shagging fly balls in the Astrodome. He came into fame in 1997 with Detroit leading the American League with 74 stolen bases. Never much of a hitter for average or power, nor did he have great on base skills, speed and defense seemed to be his only attributes. In 1000 career games, Hunter swiped 260 bases, but only 14 of those were with the Phillies back in 2001. He did pull of one of the greatest feats I've ever seen, by scoring from 2nd base on a sacrifice fly...now that's fast! All in all, he played 10 seasons posting a .264/.660 line.

The other Brian Hunter was a first baseman who started his career in Atlanta spent part of the 2000 season with the Phightins. He popped 7 homeruns while in Philly, but batted a disappointing .210. The Phils ended up being his final stop in his 9 season MLB career. Of note, this Hunter was a Phucco, as he played in Pittsburg in the strike shortened season of 1994. Career line of .234/.728.

Phillies Bobbleheads

I am bored out of my gourd with this offseason. Today I help soothe the soul with a collection of Phillies bobbleheads. Enjoy...