Wednesday, November 03, 2010

Stupid Is As Stupid Does: Elijah Dukes Saga

Once a dumbass always a dumbass? Not always true, but in the case of Elijah Dukes word is bond bro. Dukes was cuffed by the Po-Po and jailed again, this time for failure to pay child support. Stop being a deadbeat dad and give your kid some straight cash homey. The ex-MLB player of the Tampa Bay Rays and Washington Nationals is no stranger to trouble. He's been suspended during his playing days, both minors and majors, for repeated confrontations with teammates, coaches, and umpires. But that's just the beginning, his off-field resume is off the chains.


Off-field Problems:
Brace yourself...
*Has been arrested at least 3 times on accounts of battery and once for assault, as well as drug possession and resisting arrest charges.

*Has fathered at least 5 children with 4 women.

*Duke's wife ordered a restraining order on him following after he sent her a photo of a gun on her cellphone and left this voicemail- "Hey, dawg. It's on, dawg. You dead, dawg. I ain't even bullsh*tting. Your kids too, dawg. It don't even matter to me who is in the car with you. N*gger, all I know is, n*gger, when I see your motherf*cking ass riding, dawg, it's on. As a matter of fact, I'm coming to your motherf*cking house." During their divorce proceedings, she accused Dukes of drinking heavily, smoking weed daily, and using steroids.

*He impregnated a 17-year old foster child living with him and threw a Gatorade bottle at her when she informed him of the pregnancy. It's all good though because the sex was consensual...yeah, whatever.

On-field performance:The once highly-touted prospect has put up mediocre numbers over his 3 seasons in the majors- .242/.771, with as many strikeouts at hits and many caught stealings as stolen bases. And for an outfielder he's extremely error prone- .972 fielding %, with 14 errors in just 209 games. The Gnats hired an ex-police officer to accompany Dukes everywhere to keep him out of trouble. However, they grew so sick of his shit that the straight up released him last spring. He signed with the Independent League Newark Bears in July, and it's unlikely he'll play on a MLB field again.


Keep
It
Gangsta!

4 comments:

Bob D said...

Hey a righthanded bat to replace Werth!

Steve Jeltz sign as first base coach yet?

GM-Carson said...

If the Phils signed Dukes, I would protest until his release.

Andrew said...

one of my favorite baseball moments was at a Nats/Phillies game sitting in the outfield, some kids were taunting Dukes and saying stuff like "hey Dukes, do you still beat your girlfriend" over and over until Dukes turned his head, looked at them, and nodded "yes" repeatedly.

Bob D said...

The Phils claimed infielder Carlos Rivero off waivers from the Cleveland Indians.
We are saved!
We can now cut Rollins!

With a name like Carlos he has to be good.