Thursday, November 04, 2010

Jeltz For First

Let’s be real about this first base coaching nonsense. Davey Lopes was nice and all and while the team’s stolen base percentage did lead the league the last few years it was only slightly higher than the years before his arrival. They already had good base-stealers. Lopes’ contribution has been severely over-rated. It’s not like he was out there performing brain surgery. He was working a damn stop watch. Lots of people could do that job and I’m sure the Phillies will find one. Hopefully they will hire the only first base coach endorsed by WSBGMs: Steve Jeltz.

First, let’s look at the actual responsibilities of the first base coach:

1) Yell “BACK!” when the pitcher makes a move to throw over.
2) Congratulate the player when he makes it to first safely, regardless of the reason. (He’s not there to judge, just to support unconditionally.)
3) Argue with the umpire when the runner is called out on a close play, not to get the call changed, just so the player doesn’t argue and get thrown out. (This job includes holding the player back physically so some strength is needed.)
4) Stand relatively close to that thing painted on the ground that looks like the symbol next to the “p” button on your keyboard. (This one –“ [ “.)
5) Hold the players’ shinguards, elbow pads, batting gloves, etc.
6) When a player makes the final out of the inning at first, a first base coach must carry his helmet and equipment back to the dugout and keep the player company before another player brings him his glove.
7) Make small talk with the opposing first baseman.
8) Hold the stopwatch.
9) If instructed by your manager, control the running game.
10) Catch slow grounders and then toss them to young fans in the stands.
11) Avoid all other batted balls that cannot be caught easily with bare hands. (Also, avoiding shattered bats and drunk Chicago fans that might attack is recommended.)
12) Participate in one Fanatic on-field entertainment scenario per homestand. Includes, but not limited to, dancing, smashing opposing team helmet or allowing the Fanatic to kiss and/or pelvic thrust in your direction.

Steve Jeltz can do all of these things as well as Davey Lopes, with the possible small exception of #9. Sure, because of his French roots, he may yell “REVENEZ!” instead of “BACK!” but I’m sure the players will adjust. And just think of what else Steve will bring to the team that Davey didn’t.

1) The all-time MLB French-born leader in most games played, at bats, runs, hits, doubles, triples, runs batted in, and walks. Those credentials demand respect.
2) Career .210 AVG/.308 OBP means he could take over for Greg Gross as hitting coach if the team struggled.
3) With a .971 career fielding percentage you know he’ll field his area well and take some of the pressure off those over-worked right field ballgirlz. Sure, Lopes’ fielding percentage was .977, but Jeltz had way better range so he made more errors. If you understood UZR and Sabermetrics you would know that.
4) He only made slightly over $1 million during his playing days, so he won’t pull that “I’m not compensated for my value therefore my principles are compromised if I keep pulling down six figures” bullshit.
5) Jheri curl.

It seems pretty obvious to WSBGMs that Steve Jeltz should be the next first base coach for the Phillies. We hope you agree and spread the message of “Jeltz For First.” Thank you.


GM-Carson said...

Corey, it seems you and I are in the minority on this issue. Phans are putting way too much stock into the value of a 1st base coach. Lopes was good, I'm sure he helped, but it's not like we're losing Halladay from the rotation or Utley from 2nd base. 1st base coaches are a dime a dozen and they're usually hired due to connections to the team and/or the current team's manager. Lopes was a good guy, but he wasn't worth overpaying for what hundreds of other men out there are lined up willing do to for much cheaper with nearly the same effectiveness.

Bob D said...

Actually why can't we change the idea to: The rightfield ballgirl is also the first base coach. I can picture it now
1) Congratulate each safe runner with a kiss
2) Argue with Ump would be very entertaining
3) standing there would result the pitcher having many looks over to firstbase
4) flirt with the first baseman so he screws up
5) every runner would stop at first base for that kiss, so also replace the third base coach with the left field ballgirl
6) arm each basecoach with a Tazer for when the fans rush the field.

Steve Jeltz is a great idea.

SirAlden said...

You have been "WRONG" about a lot of things, and "RIGHT" about many, many more. Your BA is in the High .800s

You are wrong about this one. You and Heidi Montage can hold a Stop-Watch.

You can Heidi Montag can also have sex with Spencer Pratt.


Remember in the History of the Game Davey Lopes oversaw the highest success rate. The Phillies should have met him half way. Remember he also Speaks Spanish. This team has been supported financially big time,
it should not be chipped away at in any way.

GM-Carson said...

Sir Alden- yes, I am wrong sometimes, but that's because I'm not afraid to take a stance or state my opinion.

But to think losing Lopes is going to make a noticeable difference is silly to me. He's credited for being a great 1st base coach, but that's jut what he is a 1st base coach. Maybe he can be more elsewhere, but here that's all he is. Yes, he can speak Spanish, but Jeltz can speak FRENCH!!!!

SirAlden said...

I would love the Phillies to go for
Jorge de la Rosa, a lefty.

Even more than Lee.

SirAlden said...

Exactly! The more stances you take mean you want to be with Heidi not Spencer because you have "CAJONES!"

That is Spanish too.

Now batting 5th for the WSBGM's All-Star Softball Team - batting .883.

G. M. CARSON!!!!!!!!

Bob D said...

That SB% is likely to fall some with or without Lopes as collectively the team maybe a bit slower as its another year older and the % was already very high. I would not expect any big drop as the Phils have some of the most intelligent base runners in the game (Vic, Utley, Rollins, and Werth if he returns)

GM-Carson said...

Bob D- that's the first time I've ever seen someone refer to Werth as intelligent.

Bob D said...

oops my bad, I didnt proof read - I also forgot about the pick off at 2nd base during the year and the not paying attention. But normally when he steals he gets it