Monday, August 16, 2010

Andy Martino's Weekend Wrapup

Before I provide my weekend recap I have a quick message to the readers of this blog. It’s nice to once again provide Philadelphia-area readers with a “New York intellectual” perspective of Phillies baseball. I tried as much when I was scribing for the Inquirer, but unfortunately my daily offering of wit, entertainment and insight wrapped in beautiful prose ended up being a bit like giving caviar to a dog. To say that my talent was being wasted would be an understatement. But as former UN ambassador Adlai Stevenson once said, “I believe in the forgiveness of sin and the redemption of ignorance.” So, to all who want to redeem your pathetic city for losing my talents, please read and enjoy.

Friday – Speaking of redemption…RA Dickey. Five days after getting hit around by the drooling ogres in red pinstripes, Dickey dominated the beast with class, grace and finesse. His knuckleball danced and floated through the air, each pitch performing its own act of Swan Lake. Baffled Phillies unsuccessfully looked for answers, like Charlie Manuel in a 2nd grade spelling bee. It may have been the most righteously pitched game in the history of Citi Field.

Saturday – I hope everyone in the Philadelphia area watched the entire game and didn’t turn the television off and go do what people in Philadelphia do, namely consume cheesesteaks, court obese women and purchase sweatpants. What happened in the ninth inning Saturday was more important than the whole of the game and should have been a life lesson in morality for all of the Delaware Valley, aka Dante’s third level. When K-Rod entered the game the faithful fans at Citi Field, overflowing with morality, voiced their collective displeasure with his recent behavior. I’m sure any Philadelphia fan watching was confused as to why the fans weren’t celebrating his violent, reprehensible behavior. That’s what they cheer every game…

Sunday – Go watch ESPN or MLB TV highlights of this game and you’ll see why everyone hates the Phillies and takes pity on New York. What are they showing all morning today? Clip after clip of Jimmy Rollins and Shane Victorino stealing their way into scoring position, subsequently scoring, and then talking about it in the dugout. It epitomizes Philadelphia baseball. Theft. Check. Winning. Check. Being cocky, arrogant jerks on national television. Check.

Thank you for reading my weekend wrap-up. Remember, if you want to continue your enlightenment, you could buy a New York Daily News or check out my blog, Surfing the Mets. That's a little joke because it's on the 'net, which people "surf," and net sounds like Mets. Very funny, but you're from Philadelphia so you're too stupid to understand. Just imagine my blog makes fart noises, then you'll laugh.

The Phillies play two weekends against the Mets in September. See you then.

~ Andy

11 comments:

GM-Carson said...

Once again Andy, thank you so very much for that beautifully written recap. You are a genius and a scholar.

By the way- I wonder if we can make this blog make fart noises. Hmm...

GM-Carson said...

Ibanez is 0-18 in the last 4 games since his 18 game hitting streak ended.

Preserve Jon said...

That's a little joke because it's on the 'net, which people "surf," and net sounds like Mets.

Priceless stuff GMs. Good work!

philsbatboy said...

Reyes giving unwanted advice to Pagan after he flied out to Victorino didn't paint too pretty a pic for the Mets either.

If anyone felt bad for the Mets, it should have been for their fans donning lunchboxes for rally caps.

Preserve Jon said...

Suck it New York.

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2010/writers/jeff_pearlman/08/16/pearlman.mets/index.html?eref=sihp

GM-Carson said...

I would love to see Andy Martino's rebuttal to Jeff Pearlman's piece. Pearlman is right though, the Mets as a franchise are trash. They have asshole players, shitty management, and a bunch of dickwad fans.

GM-Carson said...

Mr. Massengill Francisco Rodriguez tore a ligament in his thumb a likely needs season ending surgery. Mets are looking into voiding the rest of his contract. That franchise is pure shit.

Bob D said...

awesome wrap up, thanks for setting us straight in our errant ways. I hope, I wish, I want you to come back to Philly next year! If not I will jump from the bridge!

Preserve Jon said...

Bleepin' Dodgers.

ripjgarcia said...

Second that Preserve Jon.

GM-Carson said...

The Dodgers pen blows more than Jenna Jameson.