Monday, August 09, 2010

Andy Martino Weekend Wrapup

Friday – The Phillies rolled through the Mets with all the courtesy, civility and regard for consequence as the Third Reich when they rolled through the French countryside. See my full report HERE.

Saturday – Well, let them eat cake! All was set right in the sports world…at least for one night. Please read my stellar analysis HERE.


Sunday – When watching a game like this, I often question my decision to cover sports, because that wasn’t a just game we all watched yesterday. It was a travesty of justice. It was de-evolution of popular culture. It was, for all intents and purposes, an environmental disaster of sports entertainment. Hits and runs flooded Citizens Band Park like millions of gallons of BP fuel while poor RA Dickey, like an innocent hard working fisherman with leathered skin and white knuckles, was helpless in attempt to honestly ply his trade against the tyrannical, environment hating “Big Oil” Phillies.

Consistent with the uneducated slovenly inhabitants of Southeastern Pennsylvania, the crowd cheered blindly, obviously not cognizant of, or caring about, what this display of barbarian baseball would mean to their dignified opposition, other fine teams within Major League Baseball, or sports culture as a whole. I imagined Ruben Amaro, sitting in a luxury box on a plush leather chair, with all the likeability of a yacht-riding Tony Heyward, laughing maniacally as Raul Ibanez sauntered around the bases after his vulgar display of power.

The insults and disgrace was not limited the field, either. While Roy Halladay rushed through the Mets lineup like a coke-fueled Charlie Sheen goes through a brothel, degenerate Phillies fans made spectacles of themselves in the stands. Repeatedly, television cameras caught fans, who for the most part are indistinguishable from baboons or mud-covered swine, mocking, gloating or cheering right in the face of unassuming Mets fans. Despicable.

So what does all that I've witnessed this weekend tell me? It's not just the Phillies who are contemptible. It's the whole organization, the city and their fans. The stadium could collapse. The press box seat in which I sit to write this piece could crumble. Our beaches and oceans may never again be inhabitable. The minds of children, free of innocence, could instead become awash with the filth and lasciviousness displayed by their favorite baseball team. But these people… these creatures… they just don’t care. As long as Philadelphia wins baseball game, all is right in the World. They will defecate without prejudice on everything the good and righteous of this world hold sacred, all in the name of playoff baseball.

My time in Philadelphia is over, again, and I leave you with only one request. Pray for Jose Reyes. Pray for the good in the game. Pray for K-Rod and the rest of the sentient beings that make baseball America’s favorite pastime, that they can overcome the evil, the arrogance, the condescension that is baseball in Philadelphia.

12 comments:

Andrew said...

Corey, I think you found yourself a new career.

Preserve Jon said...

Can't. Get. Enough.

I look forward to next weekend's posts.

GM-Carson said...

Andy Martino, WSBGMs' version, is now my favorite scribe.

Corey said...

"defecate without prejudice" might be my fantasy football team name this year...

GM-Carson said...

Standings update:
2 behind the Braves. 1/2 game back of the Giants for the Wild Card.

Watching this team win games without some of their star/fire power is impressive and enjoyable.

GM-Carson said...

From Phillies.com:
The Phillies optioned outfielder John Mayberry Jr. to Triple-A Lehigh Valley after Sunday's 6-5 victory over the Mets.

The team will make a corresponding move on Tuesday. The player called up is expected to be a pitcher, with left-hander Antonio Bastardo a possibility. Bastardo has allowed just three hits in 10 scoreless innings in his past 10 appearances and has not allowed a run in 15 appearances this season with Lehigh Valley, striking out 21 and walking just three batters in 13 2/3 innings.

*Also, Victorino starts a rehab assignment tomorrow and will be activated come the weekend if everything goes as planned.

Dr. Steve said...

Not the news I was hoping for. I mean it's good, but I want Greg Dobbs so far away from this team that Charlie can't bring him into any situation.

SirAlden said...

Andy Martino asks permission before having sex.

SirAlden said...

12 Pitchers and 12 Hitters on the Roster at the moment.

So a pitcher most likely will go on Tues or by Friday if/when Victorino
is activated.

Interesting.

GM-Carson said...

Sir Alden- who is he asking permission to? His hand or random men?

Corey said...

if you look closely at the picture of andy, there is what appears to be a wedding ring...

Preserve Jon said...

Rather than a wedding ring, I'm gonna go with the sissier Junior High 'promise ring'