Friday, June 18, 2010

Know Your Enemy - Minnesota

Football
When I think Minnesota, I think Vikings. And as a Packers fan, those thoughts aren’t very nice. But they have had at least two interesting things that are worth mentioning.

1) Lake Minnetonka sex boat scandal. I can’t mention the details on this blog because we actually have some decency standards, but a quick trip to wiki will refresh everyone’s memory.
2) Straight cash homey. Back when Randy Moss was destroying the Pack in a Viking’s uniform, he was fined a few thousand dollars for being, well, a douche. Besides catching footballs, that’s what Randy Moss does. A reporter asked him how he was going to pay his fine and Moss’ response was classic. See below.



Team Rankings
                         Phillies         Twins
Batting Avg 21 6
Home Runs 17 20
RBI 19 12

ERA 12 5
WHIP 8 5
Strikeouts 26 23
Bizarre Food
People outside of Pennsylvania often make fun of scrapple. But scrapple isn’t really that odd – pig parts and corn meal. No biggie. But as I’ve learned from Minnesota resident Andrew Zimmer (no relation to old doppelganger Don Zimmer…) and his show “Bizarre Foods,” other places have far weirder foods. Minnesota’s contribution to funky eats is the Norwegian classic lutefisk.

Lutefisk is dried whitefish, rehydrated by soaking in water for days, then soaked in lye (yes, lye) and then re-soaked in water (otherwise the lye-soaked, caustic fish would be inedible). The lutefisk is then cooked (microwaved, pan fried, etc.) and often served with butter or white sauce. The final product is a nasty, jelly-like monstrosity. Don’t trust me? Ask food writer and Iron Chef critic Jeffrey Steingarten.

“Lutefisk is not food, it is a weapon of mass destruction. I gladly eat worms and insects, but I draw the line on lutefisk. Lutefisk is the Norwegians' attempt at conquering the world. When they discovered that Viking raids didn't give world supremacy, they invented a meal so terrifying, so cruel, that they could scare people to become one's subordinates.”

People in Minnesota eat this shit. On purpose.

Politics
The people of Minnesota elected "The Body" Ventura and Stuart Smalley to be high ranking government officials. What the hell is wrong with people from Minnesota?


Pitching Probables
Nick Blackburn - 6-3, 4.96
Kevin Slowey - 7-4,3.84
Carl Pavano - 7-6, 3.92

Prediction
Phils take two.

7 comments:

GM-Carson said...

I'm surprised some rapper hasn't taken that clip and looped it in the chorus of their song- Straight Cash Homey!

SirAlden said...

I'll have the Lukefish, with the Scrapple Chaser.

What?!

You would rather have the Scrapple with the Lukefish Chaser?

SirAlden said...

I hope Jimmy Rollins comes back, is healthy, stays healthy and is a force.

I hope this allows Chase to have some time off.

I hope they let Ben Francisco Start once a week against the strongest lefty Starters (I still love you Raul).

And why didn't Francisco play the field with Ibanez as the DH?

SIGN PEDRO. SIGN PEDRO. SIGN PEDRO.

Corey said...

i'm so distraught over that phantom foul call in the us-slovenia game, i can't bear witness to another joe blanton outing...i'm sitting this one out tonight.

GM-Carson said...

If Blanton can't hold this 8-0 lead in the bottom of the 2nd, I give up on the season.

Bob D said...

I'm sensing the Phils of old are back and hitting

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