Tuesday, June 08, 2010

Get Me Outta Funkytown

Gotta make a move to a,
Town that's right for me.
Town to keep me movin',
Keep me groovin' with some energy.

Well, I talk about it,
Talk about it,
Talk about it,.
Talk about it,
Talk about, Talk about,
Talk about movin'.

Gotta move on.
Gotta move on.
Gotta move on.

Won't you get me outta,
Funkytown.
Won't you get me outta,
Funkytown.
Won't you get me outta,
Funkytown.
Won't you get me outta.
Funkytown.

The Phils are in one gigantic offensive funk. Shutouts rather than an onslaught of runs are becoming commonplace. Who are the main offenders?

Werth on May 18th: .336/1.073
Werth since then: 17 games, 8-57 (.140), now .278/.914

Utley on May 15th: .315/1.034
Utley since then: 19 games, 11-70 (.157), now .260/.854

Mix in our $19M 1st baseman with a putrid OPS of .798, a leadoff hitting shortstop that has played all of 12 games this season, an aging leftfielder that seems to have had about 8 birthdays within the past calendar year, and a bench that can't hit a lick and you have an offense that just isn't scoring enough runs to win ball games. But according to Milt Thompson- don't worry.
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Stupendous Stache is Sham:
Nobody really cares about the Pirates, including GM Neal Huntington by all accounts, so shortstop Ronny Cedeno decided to spice things up yesterday by rocking a painted on mustache. That is so incredibly lame that it is unbelievably awesome! Perhaps Utley should paint a red soul patch on or Howard some big ol' porkchop sideburns to help get out of the offensive doldrums.

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Young Stud:
Brace yourself Philadelphia for another powerful 20 year old rookie outfielder about to take a hold of the NL East. Jayson Heyward has flashed his potent stroke this season for a .906 OPS, and now it's the Marlins Michael Staton's turn. He's supposed to be called up for the start of the series tonight. Whaddaya think, 2 homeruns off of Kendrick? Double-A #'s this year: .311/1.167, 41 r, 12 2b, 2 3b, 21 hr, 52 rbi. Damn!
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Who's This Guy?
The Nationals are also debuting some dude named Stephen Strasburg tonight. I've never heard of him and I'm sure he'll be gone after one or two shellings in the majors.

12 comments:

Corey said...

cedeno couldn't grow a 'stache like everyone else on the team was doing so he went to the sharpie. as a guy who still can't grow a complete beard, i empathize.

stanton is hitting a homerun every 9 at-bats this year, but he is doing it in AA, not AAA.

every pitching prospect should face the pirates in their first game or pitchin in san fran or san diego. good confidence boost.

GM-Carson said...

I can grow a full beard but it's hideous. Looks/feels like a porcupine.

sean7711 said...

hanley commits a howard in 3 innings. howard's own howard within striking (out) distance...

Andrew said...

Is this an awakening? Raul 3 for 3, Utley 2 for 3, Howard with the HR.... still 4 innings to go!

GM-Carson said...

Bats alive, Kendrick bad. Way to coincide fellas!

Strasburg is a strikeout machine!

Corey said...

just turned the game on, looks like we have a pitchers dual.

also, i did see the second inning for strasburg. wow. he's the real deal. kind of like carlos carrasco.

GM-Carson said...

I watched Strasburg pitch some tonight too and his pitches have a ton of movement on them. If he's able to keep the ball around the plate, he will always have the ability to work outta trouble with a k.

GM-Carson said...

14 k's thru 7 ip on 94 pitches for Strasburg...yikes!

Corey said...

apparently valdez and francisco are in a gidp contest...

Bloodstripes said...

10 runs! What the...? Even Ben Fran with a clutch hit.

Bloodstripes said...

Excellent comeback win. Just like old times.

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