Friday, May 14, 2010

Know Your Enemy - Milwaukee

Champagne of Beer
I just wanted to use this time and space to give a shout-out to the greatest beer in the history of beers: Miller High Life.

I like just about all types of beer (except Flemish sour because carbonated vinegar is not my idea of good beer) but I’m not always thirsty for a Scotch ale or a super hoppy ale. Not every occasion is fitting for a barley wine. But there is one beer that satisfies no matter the place, the time or the circumstance – Milwaukee’s finest, the Champagne of Beer.

While the Phillies are playing the Brewers, you have every right and are encouraged to hate anything and everything associated with Milwaukee, except this beer. Go buy yourself a case two cases today and enjoy this weekend series the proper way, by living the High Life.

Who Is Ryan Braun?
We all know Ryan Braun was a first round draft pick. We know he was Rookie of the Year. We know he mashes many homeruns. But who really is Ryan Braun? Well, apparently he's a guy who like fashion.

Braun is partnered in the Remetee clothing line, which he hopes will "become a full high end fashion line in the be a respected line."

That might be hard to do, seeing as the clothes are some of the ugliest freaking things I've ever seen. Granted, I'm not into "fashion" because I like women so I don't really know that much about what is cool when it comes to t-shirts or ascots or burkas or any other clothing trend. And on their website, they do have the drummer from Nickelback modeling some gear [pictured], and since I usually use Nickelback as my "barometer of cool" I might have to change my opinion on this one...

But seriously, what kind of person spends their time investing in screen printed graphic T's marketed to MMA aficionados and metrosexuals? It's bad enough that Shane Victorino probably wears one under his uniform, but making these things in inexcusable.

In completely unrelated news, Braun turned down the opportunity to be on The Bachelor. Apparently, the idea of being on TV with 40 women willing to sleep with him in order to win some fame and money did not seem appealing. My first thought was, "Gay." But then I remembered that he's a millionaire professional athlete and pretty much could live "The Bachelor" without the TV cameras if he wanted. But then I thought about the T-shirts again. Now I'm confused...

If you plan on listening to Bob Uecker do the Phils-Brewers series this weekend you'll be disappointed. Uecker was released from a Milwaukee hospital last week after undergoing an aortic valve replacement and coronary bypass. He'll be out of action for about 3 months.

I've liked Uecker ever since he made a name for himself by starring in the critically acclaimed sitcom Mr. Belvedere and in Miller Lite beer commercials in the 80's. I understand he got the Brewers announcing gig just because of his role as the sarcastic, whiskey-drinking Indians announcer Harry Doyle in the movie Major League.

Update: It turns out Bob Uecker was actually a baseball player and was famous before becoming one of the greatest comedic actors of his generation. Sorry for the mistake.

Avoid The Ace
The Cardinals didn't throw Carpenter. The Rockies didn't throw Jimenez. And now the Brewers won't throw Gallardo.

Staff ace Yovani Gallardo pitched Wednesday so he'll miss this weekend's series. Instead the Phils will see former Fightin' Randy Wolf, Chris Narveson (I have no idea who this guy is...) and Doug Davis.

Milwaukee is home to Marquette University, a fine institution for higher learning. What is Marquette famous for? Dwyane Wade? Nope, this guy - Thomas R. Callahan III (aka Tommy Boy). And it only took him 7 years to graduate.

Bullpen Issues
Like many teams (see:Phillies), the Brewers bullpen has issues. Closer Trevor Hoffman has an ERA of 12.00 which looks great compared to Mitch Stetter and his 20.25 ERA. To be fair to Stetter, he's only pitched 1.1 innings, but Jeff Suppan and Claudio Vargas have pitched more than that and have ERA's near 6, so there's no excuse for them. Setup man Latroy Hawkins just went on the DL. Apparently there are some arms in AAA but only Stetter and Carlos Villenueva have minor league options left and they certainly won't send Villenueva down.

This Place Is Cursed
You should avoid some places. Miller Park might be one of those places. In 1999, during the stadium's construction, three workers were killed in a crane accident. Five years later, a man was sitting on the escalator when he fell, breaking is skull and back. He died a few days later. This occurred only a few days after another man tried to stand on the escalator handrails and fell, sustaining serious injuries. This place is due for another tragic death so if you plan on visiting Milwaukee soon, be wary of visiting Miller Park. But if you have to go, stay off the escalators.

No YoGa means two of three for the good guys.


GM-Carson said...

From ESPN:
Before Colorado played the Washington Nationals on Thursday, Tracy took exception to a comment he read in which Phillies manager Charlie Manuel was quoted as saying "keep crying."

Tracy said: "We don't cry here. I want to make that clear right now. We work very hard."

The Phillies insisted Wednesday they weren't trying to steal signs when bullpen coach Mick Billmeyer was caught on camera peering through binoculars from the bullpen bench at Coors Field on Monday.

Asked what he considered crossing the lines in baseball, Tracy said, "Using binoculars, that's crossing the line."

*Seems Charlie struck a nerve.

Corey said...

jim tracy is a douche. he was a douche when he coached pittsburgh. he's still a douche. he really needs to go manage the mets.

GM-Carson said...

I can see the next series between the Rox and Phils getting ugly with some bean balls.

Roy A said...

Easy on Tommy Boy.
A lot of people go to school for 7 years.

Also - Chris Narveson - who is this guy? Does this mean he will no-hit the Phillies?

GM-Carson said...

This could be a very offensive-minded series. Brew Crew can really bash the ball and the Phils are due for some output too.

Corey said...

the offensive output really is dependent on the luck of the pitcher. so let's all cross our fingers and hope cole's babip is low this game...

GM-Carson said...

You can buy 2 cases of High Life longnecks for less than 1 case of microbrew stuff. Of course, I love me some microbrew though.

Preserve Jon said...

Too long between games for the Phils. It feels like a mini-all star break without the meaningless showcase in the middle. With a big hockey game tonight, no one may even notice that the Phils are playing today...

GM-Carson said...

Don't be surprised if they're losing today either. Moyer repeating a good performance is unlikely.

Bloodstripes said...

4th inning blitz! Home run, walk,triple, triple, still no outs. Pound the Wolfman Phils.

Andrew said...

Whats that now. Moyer's up to 501 HR allowed? Nice.

Good game so far. Impressive Valdez, although he almost missed the reaching on error opportunity for not hustling. Good thing he made it.

Bloodstripes said...

500 homers for Moyer. Thats instant hall of fame entry.

Dr. Steve said...

Herndon is solid.

GM-Carson said...

What the hell is wrong with the Phils fielding lately?

GM-Carson said...

Utley with the Howard!!!!!!

Dr. Steve said...

Did Utley... oh that's right! He got that home run!! I was thinking about him getting a Howard when he made that stupid error, but I didn't realize the magnitude of adding a home run on at the end.