Venue: The Bank (green one opened 7 days a week)
Good Guys: Philadelphia Phillies 23-13, 1st place.
Bad Guys: Pittsburgh Pirates 16-21, 3rd place.
Game 1: Charlie Morton vs. Kyle Kendrick
(1-6, 9.19/1.79) (1-1, 5.89/1.55)
Reason the Pirates win: Kyle Kendrick sucks, and Phucco Jack Taschner is ready to exact revenge on the club the left him off of the playoff roster.
Reason the Phillies win: Charlie Morton sucks more and it's Dollar Dog Night meaning wrappers will be blowing in the wind on to the field and inevitably block centerfielder Andrew McCutchen's sight on a lazy flyball that turns into a Little League homerun off the bat of pinch hitter Ross Gload.
Game 2: Zach Duke vs. Roy Halladay
(2-4, 5.56/1.74) (6-1, 1.59/1.04)
Reason the Pirates win: never gonna happen, it's about as likely as Bea Arthur and Patrick Swayze being reincarnated as flamingos.
Reason the Phillies win: The stars have aligned and Halladay is pitching on Toyota Roy Halladay Bobble Figurine night. I'm thinking no-hitter.