Tuesday, May 04, 2010

Hi-Me, Injuries & Tonight

Jay-Me or Hi-Me?
Jaime Garcia, or better known to the English speaking MLB community Hi-Me Garcia, shutdown the lefty laden lineup of the Phillies last night. His slow breaker bent Ryan Howard and the other Phillies bats (aside from Jayson Werth) all night long as he only surrendered 1 run on 3 hits over 6 innings, dropping his impressive rookie ERA to 1.13. This 23 year old left-handed Mexican is ripping through the NL on his first trip around the league and just adds another dependable starting pitcher to the mighty stable St. Louis already boasts (Penny, Carpenter, Wainwright).

Injuries:
By now you all have read and/or seen video and pictures of homeboy getting tasered last night at the game. I'm still pissed off at Comcast for not airing it, as that was obviously the most entertaining part of last night's loss. Steve Consalvi, the 17 year old trespasser, injuries were minor. Reports have him walking with a slight limp and likely sterile due to the electric jolt.

The retarded teenager isn't the only injury update. Offensive sparkplug Jimmy Rollins is likely out for most of May. Originally diagnosed with a 2-4 week timetable for return has been prolonged to 6+ weeks. Yippie, more Juan Castro. That was sarcasm dumbasses.

Mortal Kombat wannabe Ryan Madson just doesn't have an effed-up toe because of his ill-advised boot to a metal chair (that chair didn't do anything to him!), but now it's broken and in need of surgery. Doctors won't know when he'll be able to return until post surgery. Hey Doc, while you're in there can you remove his va-jay-jay and install a man package?

No word yet on JA Happ's return. Doesn't it get tiresome having the Phillies always misjudge/downplay injuries? They'd try to spin gangrene as a bad grass stain for crying out loud.

Tonight:
Cole Hamels, Adam Wainwright, oh no!!! Cole Hamels is one big bag of bad. He dominates for a few innings, then blammo- disaster. He'll likely have to pitch a shutout tonight if the Phils hope to win as his counterpart Wainwright has a sub 1 ERA, which does not bode well for the Phils bats.

13 comments:

Corey said...

actually, it's more like "hi-may"

Andrew said...

We lose tonight and win the next two. Penny's got nothing on us. Except an 8 inning, 5 hit shutout from last season. Yeah, he's got that.

Andrew said...

hyman garcia?

GM-Carson said...

I've come along way since I was a kid growing up only knowing players by baseball cards. I used to think Juan was pronounced "Jew-An", Jesus as like Christ Jesus not "Hey-Zues", and Joe Carter as "Cockface".

Preserve Jon said...

A moment of silence for the anarchy that has overtaken thefightins.com.

We are all witnesses.

Bob D said...

Happ sounds like he may not be back before the all star break - crap. Kendrick stays or they make a trade/Pedro signing.

GM-Carson said...

Happ out until July, shit! Sign Pedro now, or do something because KK ain't gonna cut it.

I saw The Fightins were hijacked again. This is the 3rd time I believe. Honestly, here, them, and BeerLeaguer are my go to sites, with us being the best of course ;)

ripjgarcia said...

Where are you getting this information about Happ? I have seen nothing anywhere that credibly indicates that his reutrn date is after the all star break.

Madson should be fired or at least fined. If I kicked something at my job in anger or frustration I certainly would expect some sort of discipline.

GM-Carson said...

i was going off bob d's comment, i actually have no clue about happ.

pitcher's duel tonight so far. who effs up 1st?

GM-Carson said...

Just read that Madson is out a minimum of 8 weeks. Yikes!

Is it me or do the Phils suck at bunting this year? They get the bunt down, but the lead runner ends up getting thrown out at 3rd or 2nd.

Bloodstripes said...

Thank you Chooch!

Bloodstripes said...

From yahoo team report May 5.

"LHP J.A. Happ (left forearm soreness) went on the 15-day disabled list retroactive to April 16. He could be back in mid-May."

Lets hope so.

GM-Carson said...

Panamania!!!

Apparently anothe douche ran onto the field last night, this time going on tasered. It happened right before the back to back doubles Cole surrendered in the top of the 9th.