Jay-Me or Hi-Me?
Jaime Garcia, or better known to the English speaking MLB community Hi-Me Garcia, shutdown the lefty laden lineup of the Phillies last night. His slow breaker bent Ryan Howard and the other Phillies bats (aside from Jayson Werth) all night long as he only surrendered 1 run on 3 hits over 6 innings, dropping his impressive rookie ERA to 1.13. This 23 year old left-handed Mexican is ripping through the NL on his first trip around the league and just adds another dependable starting pitcher to the mighty stable St. Louis already boasts (Penny, Carpenter, Wainwright).
By now you all have read and/or seen video and pictures of homeboy getting tasered last night at the game. I'm still pissed off at Comcast for not airing it, as that was obviously the most entertaining part of last night's loss. Steve Consalvi, the 17 year old trespasser, injuries were minor. Reports have him walking with a slight limp and likely sterile due to the electric jolt.
The retarded teenager isn't the only injury update. Offensive sparkplug Jimmy Rollins is likely out for most of May. Originally diagnosed with a 2-4 week timetable for return has been prolonged to 6+ weeks. Yippie, more Juan Castro. That was sarcasm dumbasses.
Mortal Kombat wannabe Ryan Madson just doesn't have an effed-up toe because of his ill-advised boot to a metal chair (that chair didn't do anything to him!), but now it's broken and in need of surgery. Doctors won't know when he'll be able to return until post surgery. Hey Doc, while you're in there can you remove his va-jay-jay and install a man package?
No word yet on JA Happ's return. Doesn't it get tiresome having the Phillies always misjudge/downplay injuries? They'd try to spin gangrene as a bad grass stain for crying out loud.
Cole Hamels, Adam Wainwright, oh no!!! Cole Hamels is one big bag of bad. He dominates for a few innings, then blammo- disaster. He'll likely have to pitch a shutout tonight if the Phils hope to win as his counterpart Wainwright has a sub 1 ERA, which does not bode well for the Phils bats.