Tuesday, April 06, 2010

Opening Day Recap for NL East

Atlanta Braves:
Their new balanced offensive attack certainly worked yesterday, clobbering the Cubs with 16 runs at Wrigley Field. Hyped rookie phenom Jason Heyward delivered a 3-run bomb in his first MLB at bat and finished the game 2-5 with 2 runs scored and 4 rbi. Larry Jones managed to steal a base without hyper-extending a kneecap,breaking an ankle, or killing himself, and Yunel Escobar had 5 rbi. New bullpen additions, Rat Alpaca-Loving Wagner and Takashi Saito, each worked a scoreless inning striking out 2 apiece.

Roster Surprise- 30 year old infielder Brooks Conrad. Who? Exactly.

Florida Marlins:
The "young version of Roy Halladay" was roughed up in his first start of the season, as Josh Johnson got battered around my the Mets. Cameron Maybin had a brutal day at the plate going 0-4 with 3 k's. Those games are acceptable if you're Adam Dunn, Mark Reynolds, or Ryan Howard, but not when you're Cameron-friggin-Maybin.

Roster Surprise- 29 year old thrirdbaseman Brian Barden. I thought he was still with St. Louis' minor leagues.

New York Mets:
The muscle enhanced David Wright, he of 11 homeruns in '09, blasted one in his first at bat of 2010. That fat lazy dog Rod Barajas had more production at the plate yesterday than his entire time with the Phils...just another reason to hate the son of a bitch. In the pitching department Johan Santana went 6 innings of 1 run ball. See, Halladay is better, he went 7 innings of 1 run ball!!!

Roster Surprise- 20 year olds Ruben Tejada/SS and Jenrry Mejia/P. Both extremely young and lacking any MLB experience. Way to assemble a squad Omar!

Washington Nationals:
Highlight of the Nationals day- President Obama tossing the first pitch. From there, it was all downhill. Their staff ace was blasted for 5 runs and chased before finishing the 4th inning, enough said.

Roster Surprise- 25 year old lefty Jesse English. One of the lone bright spots yesterday for the Gnats, going 1.1 scoreless innings.


Dr. Steve said...

Who can forget the rallying cries around Philadelphia of - BRING ME THE HEAD OF BARAJAS!!!

Those were the days..

GM-Carson said...

Wait, other people were yelling that too? I thought it was just me.

Corey said...

obama doesn't actually throw the pitch toward the plate, instead, through variety of bribes and closed-door deals, a member of congress delivers the ball to the catcher through the back door of the clubhouse, out of site of the fans, circumventing the batter and surprising the umpire.

Bob D said...

Don't forget he pays everyone in stimulus funding and each player get his own personal health care plan. Plus they ride donkeys around the bases (ever played donkey baseball? its hilarious)

David said...

I always thought donkey would be a funnier word with a G in it.

GM-Carson said...

"dongeys" or "gonkeys"...where would you place the "g"?

Corey said...


GM-Carson said...

What the hell was I thinking? Duh, that's so obvious.

Zac said...

President Obama on health care and the Phillies offense: EVERYBODY hits! Woo Hoo!

(note to cartoonist: He's a southpaw, but after see his past two pitches, maybe he should switch it up!)