Monday, April 12, 2010

Know Your Enemy - Washington

Tale of the Tape from 2009.

Public Official:
Marion Barry. If you live in D.C., this man is the shining example of why you are probably an idiot. While mayor, he was busted smoking crack with his girlfriend in a local motel. His response, “Bitch set me up.” Classic. But it was unfortunate for the city. You can’t predict that a public official is going to be so morally corrupt and ethically bankrupt when you vote for him…unless you actually do already know that, like when the people elected him city council member of Ward 8 upon his release from prison. His campaign slogan, “He May Not Be Perfect, But He's Perfect for D.C." Holy crap. The guy ran a campaign where he told his constituents that a crack-smoking felon is as good as they deserve and can expect and they still voted for him. He parlayed that win into a successful re-election as mayor in 1994. Unbelievable. In 2009 Barry voted against a same-sex marriage bill because it went “against [his] moral compass." That is one jacked-up compass. Washington, you get what you deserve with this guy.

Thank You Kindly:
Washington just rolled into Citi Field and smacked the Muts around, including ace Johan Santana. At the end of the first series of the season, many phans were upset that the Phils didn't sweep the Gnats because they are so bad. Well, maybe they aren't that bad... or maybe the Muts are worse!

Interesting side note from the game yesterday: Josh Willingham's first inning grand slam was originally ruled to be a ball in play and not a homer as it bounced off the center field wall. In the process of the play there was a collision at home between Adam Dunn and Rod "Olé" Barajas. And it looked like Barajas actually knew there was going to be contact and didn't run away! I would have placed money on Roy Halladay betting his first "Howard" before seeing Barajas be a willing participant in a home plate collision.

I will try to find picture evidence of this event. All I can find is a pic of a catcher that you'll have to trust is Mr. Olé tagging out Willingham on the same play.


A Player You Can Like:
A day after Willie Harris secured victory with a diving catch in left, he got into it with Muts closer K-Rod, who was in to close out the loss apparently.

Willie got hit, the two exchanged words, benches emptied and nothing really happened. But Harris' quote after the game is commendable.

"He said, 'Go to first base.' And I was kind of like, 'My dad ain't here.' If I felt like he hit me intentionally, I would have went after him right there. I'm not going to sit there and chirp and chirp and curse back and forth. For what? We're either going to fight or we're just going to let it go. If we brawl we brawl. I ain't no little boy or no punk, either. I ain't scared of him."

Cool. For the next three games, Willie Harris sucks. After that, he's my new favorite Gnat.

Zoo:
I hate the National Zoo. I only went there once, but like an anesthetic-free root canal, once is enough. First of all, it’s free to get in, which seems great at first. Then you realize that the only thing keeping people out is their own transportation limitations which are minimal this day and age. The result is a clusterfuqua of tourists, foreign tourists and bored locals without the means or inclination to do something else. Second, the place is operated by the government. That’s never good and that trend continued here. My biggest gripe - a lack of freaking animals. And the animals that were there were either located in yards with obstructed views or in areas that were closed off for “demonstrations.” Never mind the areas that were under construction, likely in perpetuity. Lastly, the place was hell, eerily similar to Dante’s description. From the entrance you continually walk down hill though the levels of hell empty cages and yards of grass and plants that go uneaten by the non-existent inhabitants.. The goal of actually seeing an animal keeps you walking further and further down, all the while becoming more entrenched in annoying, inconsiderate gawkers, 90% of whom are obviously allergic to deodorant, in a battle to gain one fleeting glimpse of a red-assed chimp. At the end of the downward spiral, you realize you have climb all the way back up that hill or just jump in one of the cages and double the zoo’s population of idiot animals. I hate that zoo.

Probable Starters:
Jason Marquis - Just last week the Phils roughed up Marquis for eight hits and six runs.
Craig Stammen - Stammen didn't fare much better than Marquis, giving up nine hits and four runs.
Garrett Mock - He only lasted 3+ innings in his first start of the season against the lowly Muts. Mock has a career 6.43 ERA against the Philies.
Update: Mock was just sent down to AAA. Said GM Mike Rizzo, "This is a performance league. The bottom line is, we have to perform, and you've got to go more than 3 1/3 innings." Ouch, babe. Taking Mock's place will be our old friend Scott Olsen. This change does not affect my prediction...

Prediction:
Sweeeeeeeeep!!!

24 comments:

GM-Carson said...

Without getting too far ahead of ourselves, just imagine a sweep. That would be a 8-1 start, which would set the Phils up nicely in the early going.

GM-Carson said...

Yet another reason to hate K-Rod...you go Willie!

Preserve Jon said...

Way to step up your game Corey. You outdid yourself with this one.
Clusterfuqua? Nice......

GM-Carson said...

Rookie Jason Heyward committed a Howard.

I was out-homered 17-6 by Roman Halladay in the Phantasy league last week...damn!

Bob D said...

no surprise if the Nats are better than the Mutts. If they voted for a crack smoking felon then yes they deserve him.

GM-Carson said...

The Nationals offense is better than the Mets. Pitching staff, probably not. Each will having losing records come season's end.

Andrew said...

The gNats really demoted one of their SPs after one start because he wasn't "performing?" Yikes! They should have demoted their entire staff under that policy! Ridiculous! A team as bad as the gNats needs to have as many AAA guys starting as possible so they can get experience and learn how to play!

njh723 said...

wow if we ever need a 5th outfielder i say we give willie a look

Dr. Steve said...

This was a magnificent post.

GM-Carson said...

Predictions for Hamels performance today. 6 ip, 4 r, 2 hr allowed, but gets the W.

Preserve Jon said...

That sounds Blanton-esque. Not worthy of Hamels' pedigree, but most likely accurate.

Zac said...

"Take her to the zoo. I hear retards like the zoo!"

GM-Carson said...

Wait, I thought it was Roy that wanted to go to the zoo. Isn't that what that site wants everyone to do. Still don't get that shit.

ripjgarcia said...

Why in the name of *!%^*@ is fucking Juan Castro starting at shortstop. The way Jimmy is playing he should start 162 games.

ripjgarcia said...

Nevermind..

Rollins strained his calf during warmups..

Bad omen for this game.

Already 4-0 (1 HR) which has nearly achieved 1/2 of Carson's prediction.

GM-Carson said...

At what point does Cole Hamels become overhyped? He was very good his first 2 full seasons, but he was barely average last year and is starting this season off even shittier.

Castro forced to start, but why the hell does Manuel have him leading off?!

Corey said...

hasn't hamels always been overhyped? go back and read any phillies blog around the time of his arrival to the big club. there hasn't been a more hyped phillie than hamels.

as for castro batting first, charlie manuel has done this before. he just puts the substitute into the lineup where the starter normally goes. it's either really stupid or really lazy. i don't know which.

4-0 is no big deal. the phils will come back and win this game.

Corey said...

76 pitches for hamels through four innings. not a big deal. i'm sure he can get the CG and keep the total under 160.

Aaron said...

Nancy Hamels still sucks.

ripjgarcia said...

You make an excellent point about Castro leading off. Could have slid Polanco or Vic into that spot. Maybe the pregame festivities rattled Charlie's noggin a little.

GM-Carson said...

I thought Castro could field. He's looked awfully shaky out there today. 5.2 ip for Hamels...pussy!

8008 WFC's said...

Lineup card was already submitted when JRoll turned up with the calf strain. Castro had to go in as a sub in the official lineup. He came through with the bat at least. Polly and Chase are on fire!!

David said...

Game one of a lousy pitcher who can only go 5. Only 3 more of these and we can watch Doc conduct surgery again.

Bob D said...

Werth hurt too, not sure if they are minor or DL bound - the team seems to down play it but that could mean serious problems too. If JRoll told Manual earlier about the injury then they could have changed the lineup. Carson your Hamel prediction was close.