Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Know Your Enemy - Atlanta

Where My Hookers At?
The Braves released minor league pitcher Deunte Heath a few days ago. Don't know my man Deunte? He is pictured below getting taken away by the police this spring after getting busted in a prostitution sting. He was the "john," not the prostitute, as he is a Brave, not a Met. I feel bad for Deunte though, first he gets arrested trying to get a little pay for play and now he lost his job.


Their Sports Suck:
The Braves have been really successful in the last twenty years with five World Series appearances and numerous division titles. But after that, it’s slim pickins in the A.T.L. The Hawks, while they have a young exciting team capable of winning a playoff series of two, haven’t won a championship since 1958. The Atlanta Falcons have never won a Super Bowl. When they made it to the Super Bowl, not only did they get beat, but their starting safety was arrested the night before for soliciting an undercover police officer for oral sex. They also traded Brett Favre, which might not have been a good move. The hockey team sucks. I bet you didn't even know they had a hockey team. And they have a WNBA franchise which is never good for any city.

All About Larry:
Just some interesting things you might not know about our good friend Chipper.
1) He named one of his kids "Shea." Like the stadium, not like the Hillenbrand. If he has another kid, which is totally dependent on how much time he spends in Hooters over the next few years, I hope he names it Citizens Bank Jones.
2) He had a kid with a Hooters waitress while he was married. I alluded to this in my first point, but I just wanted to make it clear. Chipper + Hooters = Baby.
3) He likes killing animals, specifically deer and fish.[Picture evidence below.] As a fur coat wearing card carrying member of both PETA and the NRA, I find myself severely conflicted about this.


Brave In A Bottle:
A California wine company has partnered with professional athletes to sell wine for charity. Below are the Atlanta Braves (past and present) that have participated. CURE Children’s Cancer, The Miracle League and the Rally Foundation for Childhood Cancer Research benefit from the sale of these three wines. It's a good cause so I'm not going to make any jokes about drinking Chipper Jones.


Making Comic Con Look Cool Since 1987:

Every year, Atlanta hosts Dragon*Con. What is Dragon*Con? Well, from Wiki:
The 4-day event comprises approximately 3500 hours of panels, seminars, demonstrations, and workshops, with over 30 specialized programming tracks that include writing, art, anime, gaming, Science Fiction and Fantasy Literature, comic books, costuming, space science, online media, independent film, podcasting, Asian cinema and culture, robotics, filk, scientific skepticism, Star Trek, Star Wars, Stargate, X-Files, Joss Whedon creations, apocalyptic themes, Anne McCaffrey's Pern, Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time, J.R.R. Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings, British and American SF television, the Dark Fantasy track, the Dragon*Con Independent Short Film Festival, and general programming which specific Guests of Honor attend.
Online media? You mean, like blogs? I know where I'll be in September!

An Odd Thing To Be Proud Of:


Probable Starters:
Tommy Hanson
Tim Hudson
Derek Lowe
Prediction:
Sweeeeeeeeep! No, not really. Phils take two of three.

28 comments:

GM-Carson said...

I pick Larry Jones up in fantasy baseball almost every season with the hopes that it jinxes him and he gets injured. Superticious? Hell yeah, but it's working so far.

Andrew said...

Its going to be a tough series for the Phils. But at least its HOT HOT HOT down in HOTlanta! The homers will be flying!

GM-Carson said...

I think the Phils lose 2 of 3. Lone win coming from Doc.

Check out The Howard standings, list is growing.

Andrew said...

From "Closing Time" by Pianowski on Yahoo:

• Ty Wigginton(notes) gave us the Wiggy Hat Trick on Monday, a homer, an error and a strikeout. He's also qualifying at three infield spots and he's got five quick homers for the year (on just 34 at-bats), so we'll gladly take the good with the bad. He's been in the No. 2 slot the past two games.

**Someone better alert him to the proper name of that stat.

GM-Carson said...

"The Wiggy Hat Trick"...gay!

furiousBall said...

phils take 2 out of 3

Preserve Jon said...

Can't wait to see the Phils slap around Hanson.

Heyward who?

GM-Carson said...

Heyward takes KK deep, guaranteed.

Andrew said...

I'm serious Carson, you should email Pianowski and alert him to the Howard. The Wiggy is pretty lame. Especially since he's barely ever been an everyday player like Ryan.

Tonight: KK goes 5 giving up HRs to Heyward and Larry Jones. Total ER = 4. Hanson gives up a rocket to Howard and leaves after 6 giving up 2 ER. Phils begin running game with 4 SBs by Vic (2), Utley and Werth. Game winning shot off Wagner by Utley. Madson saves the day.

GM-Carson said...

I posted a comment on his blog. I couldn't find a email for him. If you find the email Andrew, pass it along, and I'll send him one.

Dr. Steve said...

I love the early days of the season - when the player to first commit two Howards is still up in the air. Good memories. Who was it last year, Adam Dunn?

GM-Carson said...

Rockies president, McGregor, was found dead in his hotel room. He was only 48 years old.

Bob D said...

Theyre selling wine to children?

Bob D said...

is that right? the Phils only have 1 stolen base as a team????

Bob D said...

now this is more like Kendrick

Bob D said...

No Pirates stuff? oh there is one pic on the header. maybe time to remove the Pirates until they get good in 3 years (give or take a decade)

Andrew said...

Funny, doesn't look like Lidge on the mound....

GM-Carson said...

I'm sick and fucking tired of Ryan Madson. Dude is one of the biggest pussies in the majors. I think I saw him crying after the Heyward homer.

ripjgarcia said...

Madson up to his old tricks again..

You were right.. Heyward went deep, just not against KK

Dr. Steve said...

It is apparent to me that Ryan Madson is not suited to be a closer.

GM-Carson said...

It's apparent the Phils are screwed if both Romero and Lidge don't come back soon and pitch like they did in 2008.

That game should have been a W. Fuck you Madson!!!!

Dr. Steve said...

So, our bullpen is solid. Except for a few pieces that Manuel seems to refuse to stop using.

And if Lidge comes back and ISN'T healthy, that'll be one more piece that he won't stop using.

Phillies are a disaster right now.

GM-Carson said...

So much to not like about the Phils right now. Major DL problems- Romero, Lidge, Blanton, J-Roll. Struggling hitters- Ibanez, Vic. Inconsistent pitching.

ripjgarcia said...

Retarded.

Dr. Steve said...

So, is it too soon to negotiate with Werth and, if that fails, to trade him? Too soon to build for the future?

GM-Carson said...

The future is now. Having Lidge go from flawless to full of flaws killed the Phils because they sunk $12M a season into his sorry ass. It's not like they can go trade for Heath Bell and expect to pay him because of the self-imposed salary cap of $140ish million.

Dr. Steve said...

We need to keep Werth. We just need to increase the payroll.

I understand the Yankees and the Red Sox get money for television because they have a say in the broadcast, but the Phillies need to spend more to compete. They make tons of money. I'm not asking for 200 million a year, but at least 150, if not 160. Keep Werth, have some of the dead weight fall off, recoup.

GM-Carson said...

Why am I getting so angry. Haven't the past 3 seasons taught me anything?

Ugh!