Most Likely To Hit 30 Homers… In Japan
John Mayberry – If John Mayberry’s agent is reading this blog, I have two words for him, “Max Dubois.” You all know Max “Hammer” Dubois from the greatest baseball movie ever Mr. Baseball. He flopped in the States, joined the Chunichi Dragons, played well for 5 seasons and eventually returned to the majors with the Dodgers. The 26 year old Mayberry hasn’t had a year in pro ball where he hit over .268. Defensively he isn’t great. But he does have some power (30 homers in 2007). He isn’t going to contribute much to the Phillies. He should look elsewhere and I think Japan is the place. If he would play a full season in Japan, I predict .285-35-100. And considering the Phils could use some left-handed bullpen help, I say the Phils send Mayberry to Chunichi for pitcher Masanori Kikuchi. That’s a win-win deal if I ever saw one.
Most Likely To Become A Cult Hero
Brian Schneider – I hate this guy. Every time he played the Phils he seemed to get a hit. The guy would come into the game in a huge slump or batting .200 and would get three knocks or the game-winning hit. He’s the hitting version of Tim F. Redding. In spite of his rep as a Philly-killer, he has one thing working in his favor – Phillies fans love backup catchers. Is there anything that better exemplifies Philadelphia than a back-up catcher? Good enough to be a pro, not good enough to start, but hard working at the least. His job is to get things thrown at him and he must catch it or dive in the dirt and let it hit him. One of the only requisites is that if someone is going to run you over you stand there and take it like a man . Something Rod Barajas wasn’t told, obviously. As for Schneider, he will spend the first two months hitting .185 but at some point he will get one big hit and take a big collision at home, likely with a Met, and hold onto the ball. He will then get his own shirt over at Fightins/Birdland.
Most Likely To Start A Bench Clearing Brawl
Shane Victorino – Guaranteed. First week of the season. Saturday, April 10th. Brett Myers will be throwing for the Astros, and being the total dickwad that he is, he’ll come up and in to the Flyin’ Hawaiian. Victorino will rip off his jersey revealing an Ed Hardy graphic t-shirt with some sort of skull or eagle, channel his inner MMA fighter and turn the round mound into his own personal octagon.
Most Likely To Spend The Year On The D.L.
Jamie Moyer –He’s coming off multiple offseason surgeries. He’s old. And old = DL. I’m merely playing the percentages here.
Runner-up: Jose Contreras – MLB.com lists his date of birth as December 6, 1971. He’s a Latino baseball player which means he probably lied when he defected from Cuba so I’m guessing his birth year was probably 1968. That would make him 41 years old for the upcoming season. That’s old. See above equation.
Most Likely To Play More Defense
Greg Dobbs – Dobbs logged more than 50 games at third base in the 2007 and 2008 seasons. In 2009, only 16. Look for that to increase in 2010. At the end of last season, Chase Utley was worn out. He played in 156 games after playing 159 the year before. Charlie has to convince Chase to take a few more days off. And now with Polanco, Charlie can slide him over to second and insert Dobbs at third to give Chase a rest. And Dobbs can obviously spell Polanco at third. In addition, even with Dobbs at third, Ross Gload gives them a versatile left handed pinch hitter that can slide into the outfield for a few innings a little better than Matt Stairs did.