Thursday, October 15, 2009

Tale of the Tape - Los Angeles - Playoff Edition

Public Transportation
LA - If you stand outside of a Home Depot long enough somebody in a pickup truck will come and take you somewhere. You may have to do some manual labor, though.
Philly - SEPTA.
Advantage - Philly. Barely.

He Plays For Us Now
LA - Randy Wolf, Vicente Padilla, Jim Thome
Philly - Jayson Werth, Pedro Martinez, Chan Ho Park, Shane Victorino
Advantage - Push. I would have given this category to Philly before the Dodgers got Padilla but his switch hitting abilities have swung the pendulum back toward the middle. If I factored in his tequila drinking LA might actually take the category.

Capital City
LA - The capital of California when it was part of Mexico.
Philly - The first capital of the United States of America.
Advantage - Philly. Make your own Mexico joke.

Irritating Sports Writers
LA - TJ Simers.
Philly - Bill Conlin.
Advantage - Philly. Conlin is a bag of wind but Simers is a bag of a different kind. Advantage goes to Conlin's size XXXXL Hawaiian shirts.

Empty Baseball Stadium
LA - For the first three innings of every game.
Philly - From November until April.
Advantage - Philly. If the Phils take one of the first two games in LA they will win the series because the Dodgers will not want to play in 30 degree weather in front of forty thousand towel waving fans.

Source Of Violence
LA - The Bloods. The Crips.
Philly - Five feet tall Italian-Americans with gold cross necklaces, sweatpants and crowbars.
Advantage - Push. Nobody ever wins when violence is involved. Except for the Revolutionary War. And when Mets fans get beat up at CBP.

Hey, Thanks For That
LA - The birthplace of the internet.
Philly - The birthplace of independence.
Advantage - Push. The internet gives us baseball blogs and porn. Independence gives us the ability to look as such atrocities without fear of persecution from the Queen of England.

The numbers never lie and these numbers say the Phils will once again be victorious against the Dodgers in an NLCS. Do the experts agree?



Corey

18 comments:

GM-Carson said...

Can't wait to see what the douche-nozzle Simers writes about the Phils now.

Aaron said...

Neyer.....dodgers in 5?? Really?

Here's why the Phillies WILL win this series.
Vincente Padilla is there game two starter. That's really all you need to know.

GM-Carson said...

Neyer thinks Brad Lidge is good for at least 1 loss, possibly 2.

Dr. Steve said...

I wonder what Ken Rosenthal thinks about the series.

When researching for my post, I came across this article. http://msn.foxsports.com/mlb/story/10175912/Phillies-have-lost-edge,-so-expect-Rockies-to-win

He has since posted a retraction, probably because the Phillies won.

(I also have now stopped caring with Rosenthal thinks.)

Andrew said...

you can always count on Stark, though. I say Phils in 6

Aaron said...

Cole has settled in. The offense doesn't seem to be aware of the start time of today's game.

Aaron said...

Great Cole......real Freakin good.

GM-Carson said...

Cole had a crappy regular season, I was foolish to expect something different in the postseason.

I'm so freakin' tired of hearing Buck Martinez butcher the pronunciation of the word "literally". He says lit-trilly...ugh!

Aaron said...

antonio bastardo charlie????
WTF!

Aaron said...

And now chan Ho??? Fresh off the DL ?????

this will not be good......wtf are you doing charlie???????????????

SirAlden said...

I FUCKING HATE MADSON.

What a second division PUSSY.

GM-Carson said...

Chan Ho Park is the shit.

Ryan Madson is just shit.

I never liked Madson, and this is why. He's pussy. Why the hell is he still in this game. C'mon already!

Aaron said...

FUCK YOU ....FUCK YOU VERY MUCH MADSON.

CHARLIE YOUR A DAMN IDIOT......MADSON IS GETTING SHELLED YOU HAVE EYRE LOOSE IN THE BULLPEN.....AND YOU LET MADSON PITCH TO EITHER???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS CHARLIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SirAlden said...

Trade Madson and Mayberry for Alex Gordon

Dr. Steve said...

That was a good win.

Aaron said...

Game summary:

Good:
A win.
CHOOOOOOOOOCHHHHHHH
RAUUUUUUUUUUULLLLLLLLLL
Chan HO

Bad:
Me having 6 heart attacks
Ryan Madson being a pussy again.
Lidge.....yes he got the save but he gave up a single then gave up a smash that was luckily hit right at chase. then a two out walk after being ahead in the count 0-2.
Jimmy Rollins......STOP MAKING ERRORS AND GET ON BASE JACK ASS!
and finally Cole Hamels doing what he has done all year........suck a bag of dicks.

SirAlden said...

Please Photoshop a Picture
of Madson with a Pussy (cat)
on his head like a hat,
and Label it:

Pussy Madson

GM-Carson said...

A win in the postseason, no matter how ugly, is awesome.