LA - If you stand outside of a Home Depot long enough somebody in a pickup truck will come and take you somewhere. You may have to do some manual labor, though.
Philly - SEPTA.
Advantage - Philly. Barely.
He Plays For Us Now
LA - Randy Wolf, Vicente Padilla, Jim Thome
Philly - Jayson Werth, Pedro Martinez, Chan Ho Park, Shane Victorino
Advantage - Push. I would have given this category to Philly before the Dodgers got Padilla but his switch hitting abilities have swung the pendulum back toward the middle. If I factored in his tequila drinking LA might actually take the category.
LA - The capital of California when it was part of Mexico.
Philly - The first capital of the United States of America.
Advantage - Philly. Make your own Mexico joke.
Irritating Sports Writers
LA - TJ Simers.
Philly - Bill Conlin.
Advantage - Philly. Conlin is a bag of wind but Simers is a bag of a different kind. Advantage goes to Conlin's size XXXXL Hawaiian shirts.
Empty Baseball Stadium
LA - For the first three innings of every game.
Philly - From November until April.
Advantage - Philly. If the Phils take one of the first two games in LA they will win the series because the Dodgers will not want to play in 30 degree weather in front of forty thousand towel waving fans.
Source Of Violence
LA - The Bloods. The Crips.
Philly - Five feet tall Italian-Americans with gold cross necklaces, sweatpants and crowbars.
Advantage - Push. Nobody ever wins when violence is involved. Except for the Revolutionary War. And when Mets fans get beat up at CBP.
Hey, Thanks For That
LA - The birthplace of the internet.
Philly - The birthplace of independence.
Advantage - Push. The internet gives us baseball blogs and porn. Independence gives us the ability to look as such atrocities without fear of persecution from the Queen of England.
The numbers never lie and these numbers say the Phils will once again be victorious against the Dodgers in an NLCS. Do the experts agree?