Pitt - Christina Aguilera. She packs a lot into a 5'1" frame. She hit the scene asking everyone to "rub me the right way" and got only more whorish from there, with tattoos, piercings and trashier videos. Very nice.
Philly - Pink. She sings songs and used to be married to some X-Games motorcycle guy. And Tim Armstrong from Rancid co-wrote songs for one of her albums. After that, I would have to go to Wikipedia...
Advantage - Philly. Yeah, Aguilera is waaaaaaay hotter, but Pink has two things she doesn't 1)songs written by Tim Armstrong and 2)the ability to kick the ass of most people she meets. Seriously, look at her. She has at least one testicle somewhere.
Pitt - H. J. Heinz Company is the nation's largest distributor of ketchup.
Philly - Benjamin Jackson produced the country's first mustard in 1768 and sold it to fellow Philadelphians in glass bottles.
Advantage - Philly. Ketchup is versatile, but I'm a mustard guy. And just look at all the wonderful varieties of mustard: yellow mustard, brown mustard, dijon mustard, jalapeno mustard, horseradish mustard, honey mustard...
First to Make the...
Pitt - Big Mac. A Pittsburgh area Mickey D's was the first to make the "two all beef patties..."
Philly - Butterscotch Krimpet.
Advantage - Push. Both products are great, but they lose points because they aren't the most desirable things on their respective menus. McDonald's sells double cheeseburgers for $1, which means you can go their after the bar and get completely stuffed and get change for a five spot. As for Tastykake, the "Kandy Kake" is where the money is. Chocolate, peanut butter and cake? Yes please.
Important Piece of Paper
Pitt - Mr. Yuk sticker was created in Pittsburgh in 1971.
Philly - The United States Constitution.
Advantage - Push. Obama says the Constitution represents the "fundamental flaw of this country that continues today." What an ass. I bet he wouldn't say that shit to Mr. Yuk, though. Mr. Yuk wouldn't just sit back and take it, he would kick Barack's ass. Yuk's toughness earns him a "push", although maybe he should take the category if the constitution is that flawed...
First One In America
Pitt - Baseball Stadium. Forbes Field, built in 1909, was the first one.
Philly - The Philadelphia Zoo was the first one in the states.
Advantage - Push. This category really should be a no-brainer. The stadiums are one of my favorite parts about the history of baseball in America. I've read books on stadiums, watched documentaries and scoured the internet for pictures, facts and storeis. However, zoo's are pretty cool too. In fact, just a few weeks ago I saw two giraffes knocking hooves at the San Diego Zoo. Also, a good friend of mine told me once when we were in college, "I love getting high and looking at the monkeys." So for those two exhibitionist giraffes and my friend, this category is a "push."
Awkward Guy on TV
Pitt - Mr. Rogers. If the "Land of Make Believe" and a mailman named "Mr. McFeely" weren't awkward enough, Fred Rogers himself was simply disturbing. He was a Presbyterian minister and vegetarian who did not drink alcohol or smoke, who sat around a little house changing his sweater, singing about neighbors, and playing with trains. Think he ever tried to hit on Lady Aberlin? I doubt it. He was too busy playing with Handy Man Negri's toolbox. Even as a little kid I remember thinking, "What is wrong with this guy?"
Philly - Chris Wheeler. Nothing used to scream awkwardness like a few innings of Wheeler and Harry. Now, with both Whitey and Harry calling games in Heaven, Wheels is left alone to spew cliche after cliche while T-Mac and Sarge chuckle like idiots, spurring Wheels on to new heights of broadcast idiocy one reached only by Tim McCarver and Joe Morgan. Personally, I don't know much about Wheels. He lives and Blue Ball and has a dog. It's unknown if he would ever hit on Lady Aberlin.
Advantage - Pittsburgh. It all comes down to the Hall of Fame. Fred Rogers is in the Television Hall of Fame and the Association of Educational Publishers Hall of Fame. Wheels, despite promotion via blog, has not cracked the MLB HoF.
There you have it. The numbers never lie. The Phils should take another series.