Monday, June 15, 2009

Tale of the Tape - Toronto

Let's get it on!

Mascot Addiction
Toronto - The Blue Jay and his steroids. Look at that thing flexing and showing off the guns. It's no coincidence that the Blue Jay first displayed the jacked-up physique when Roger Clemens was on the team...
Philly - The Phanatic and his Hatfield Dogs. By the looks of the Phanatic, he eats about 10 dogs for every one he shoots out of the cannon.
Advantage - Philly. Hot dogs make you fat, but they don't shrink your nuts.

Ice Cream History
Toronto - Their first commercial batch of ice cream was sold in May 1893.
Philly - Lewis Dubois Bassett began selling his ice cream from a location at 5th & Market Streets in 1885.
Advantage - Philly. Got 'em by 8 years. And given that it is so much colder in Canada, that's a major upset. Also, no one makes "Toronto style" ice cream.

Biggest Tease
Toronto - Barenaked Ladies.
Philadelphia - The Eagles.
Advantage - Philly. It's not that they are a bad band, but when you go to the Electric Factory expecting naked chicks and you get a bunch of fat Canucks, it's mighty disappointing. It's even more disappointing than the Eagles performances in NFC Championship games.

T.O. Connection
Toronto - Owens signed with the Buffalo Bills this offseason and the Bills will play a home game in Toronto.
Philadelphia - He played 2004-2005 with the Eagles, which was enough time to have Ray Didinger list him as the 5th best receiver in Eagles history and have the rest of Philadelphia hate him.
Advantage - Toronto. They get to view Owens from afar and if he goes crazy and tries to OD on pills or work out in his driveway, he won't do it in their neighborhood. Also, the Bills suck anyway, so he can't really make them worse.

They Retired His Number?
Toronto - Tony Fernandez.
Philly - Jim Bunning.
Advantage - Philly. No disrespect to Bunning, who retired at number two on the all-time strikeout list, it's just that the Phils are stingy with the retired number thing. The Jays on the other hand... Tony Fernandez was a good player, but c'mon, he wasn't "retired number" good. Once you set the bar low, then everybody will get in. I bet they even retire Roberto Alomar Jr.'s number some day. Wait. They did what?

The numbers never lie, and the city of Philadelphia and the Fightin Phils come out on top again, 4-1. Look for a series sweep because of this...



Kevin McGuire said...

Sounds good to me! I also bet that the Blue Jay mascot doesn't have his own ice cream flavor! That's a 2-for-1 deal!

Speaking of which, has anyone tried (or found!) the Phanatic Double Play ice cream? I can't find it anywhere!

GM-Carson said...

I've seen Graham Slam back in the freezer section, but not the Phanatic Double Play.

Toronto started the season blazing, but have since cooled. Halladay just hit the DL and this team is reeling. A sweep of them would be perfect.

GM-Carson said...

After nearly a week of nobody committing a Howard, last night had only 2 games and 2 new names to the list- Ryan Braun and ol' pal Bobby Abreu.

Reverend Paul Revere said...

Roberto Alomar was sick. No love for the glove? Even if he does have the HIV.

GM-Carson said...

Jim Salisbury of the Philadelphia Inquirer reports that the Phillies are working towards adding to a pitching staff that's been weakened by the absence of Brad Lidge and Brett Myers. The team has enough financial flexibility to add payroll, but there's no guarantee Ruben Amaro Jr. will be able to acquire the pitching he covets.

"So many [teams] are looking for pitching," he says. "Wanting to do something and actually doing something are often totally different things."

For now, Amaro says he's "pursuing both" relievers and starters. Salisbury mentions Erik Bedard as a possible fit, though the Mariners would ask for a lot in return and the Phillies would have to be sure Bedard's shoulder is healthy. Amaro says he wouldn't mind adding a lefty to a group of southpaws that includes Cole Hamels, Jamie Moyer, J.A. Happ and Antonio Bastardo.

Brett Stevens said...

This was awesome. We did a little diddy over at about how Canada is pointless. I just don't understand why teams from up there are even necessary.

GM-Carson said...

Is the 9th inning going to be the downfall of the 2009 Phillies?

GM-Carson said...

Walking a run in is a sin. This sucks.

Dr. Steve said...

This will be three games of me yelling "BRING ME THE HEAD OF BARAHAS!!!"

GM-Carson said...

The Phils pitching staff has now walked 10 batters tonight. This team could easily have the best record in baseball if they had any starting pitching for the first month or so of the season and any consistency in the late innings with relief.

Aaron said...

That game was pathetic.

Can someone please teach Ryan Howard not to throw side arm to second base???

Can we please get either JD Drew or Scott Rolen out ever???? Every time one of them comes to town they kick our asses.

The Blue Jays are not a good team. We have no excuse for not beating them everytime we play them.

And my final thought for the day.....i want to punch Rod Barajas in his vagina.