Thursday, June 11, 2009

Tale of the Tape - Boston

Let's get it on!

Food
Boston - Baked Beans.
Philly - Cheesesteak.
Advantage - Philly. Has anyone ever said, "Hey, when the bar closes, want to go grab some baked beans?" I doubt it.

Bands With Big Hair
Boston - Extreme. More Than Words.
Philly - Cinderella. Don't Know What You've Got (Till It's Gone).
Advantage - Push. Nuno Bettencourt (Extreme) is an excellent guitarist, but he couldn't glam it up the way Cinderella could. So in a battle of style and substance, I call "push."

Gay Moment in City History
Boston - March 10, 1876, Alexander Graham Bell made the very first phone call in history from his Boston machine shop. The call was to his assistant, Thomas A. Watson, in which Bell chimed, from down the hall, "Watson come here, I want you!"
Philly - In 1997 Philly's domestic-partner benefits law becomes the first in the country to provide a tax break for gay and lesbian couples...that is before the Supreme Court shot it down.
Advantage - Push.

New York Baseball Rivalry
Boston - The Yankees.
Philly - The Mets.
Advantage - Philly. The Sox-Yankees rivalry trumps that of the Phils-Mets, no questions asked. The tradition, the great players, the overwhelming hate. The Phils-Mets series just can't compare. However, despite recent events, the Yankees have dominated the BoSox. Just look at the World Series title disparity between the two. The Phils have faired much better historically against their Queens rivals, so the edge goes to Philadelphia.

Dumb Laws
Boston - From 1659 to 1681, it was against the law to celebrate Christmas because the pilgrims thought it was debauched.
Philly - It is illegal to discharge a gun, cannon, revolver or other explosive weapon at a wedding.
Advantage - Boston. They were right, Christmas is debauched. I wish pilgrims were still around so we could talk about how much we all hate Christmas.

Short Actors
Boston - Matt Damon. Hilights include Good Will Hunting, the "Bourne" series, the "Ocean's" series, The Departed.
Philly - Seth Green. Hilights include Austin Powers trilogy, voice of "Chris" in Family Guy, Robot Chicken, The Italian Job.
Advantage - Boston, although Green's appearances on Entourage made it close.

Contribution to the Downfall of Society
Boston - New Kids on the Block.
Philly - "Free Mumia Abu-Jamal" t-shirts.
Advantage - Philly. Buying a t-shirt that profits from the murder of a police officer is deplorable. New Kids on the Block are worse.

3-2-2. Another victory for the Fightins in the TotT, another series win on the way.

Corey

94 comments:

GM-Carson said...

Christmas is awesome, so says me and Jesus.

Corey said...

jesus disassociated himself with christmas years ago.

GM-Carson said...

How can baked beans lose out? Busch's has a talking dog in their commerical and beans are the magical fruit, the more you eat the more you toot!

Anonymous said...

Boston is going to kick your ass.

You were lucky to win two games in New York. It's only a matter of time before the Mets are back in first place. Enjoy it while you can, losers.

njh723 said...

haha go to phillies.com and look at the picture of ibanez and vic from last night. it looks like the cover of a romance novel

is there anything raul cant do?

4daysrest.com said...

This was awesome, Carson. I have a feeling we're gonna take it to the Sox this weekend and take 2 out of 3.

GM-Carson said...

Thank you. I do my best.

Jay Ballz said...

Good TotT this time through.

Go, good guys!

SirAlden said...

Hair Bands a push? Were you a Cinderella fella?

Aaron said...

what the Fuck do they have instant replay for if the umps won't use it????????

You gotta be kidding me?

Aaron said...

Jimmy Rollins just can't hit. He really is officially a light hitting short stop.
He's the black Kevin Stocker.

Anonymous said...

So how quickly can we get Kendrick back to AAA after this game? Is there a bus straight from the stadium? A-HOLE!

GM-Carson said...

Ah, the last GM-Carson comment at 3:47 wasn't me. Corey did this Tale of the Tape. Oh, Kyle Kendrick sucks. Calling him up was a horrible idea, he does not belong in the majors.

Aaron said...

Well the difference between us and the Red Sox is that in the 13th inning they brought out a guy with a sub 1 era who throws 98.......and we brought out Kyle Kendrick.

Gotta love the way the mets lost tonight.

Can't wait to hear that douche bags explanation for not reviewing Dobbs possible walk off.....it should be a great one.

Dr. Steve said...

Kyle Kendrick just insists on letting it be known that he sucks at everything he does.

And Bard should probably be dragged behind a shed and shot for the control he doesn't have over the ball. I don't appreciate my players being almost killed every at-bat.

Dr. Steve said...

In many ways, this is Ed Wade's fault, as we should have traded for Lowell YEARS AGO when the Marlins had that fire sale.

/IS STILL PISSED!!! OUR THIRD BASE PROBLEM!!! POTENTIALLY SOLVED FOR YEARS TO COME!!! AND NO!!! HE DIDN'T!!!

Dr. Steve said...

Also, I forget who in the Minors, Donald and Marson? just went on the DL. It explains why they were struggling.

BUT PLEASE PHILLIES - STOP WAITING FOR OUR PLAYERS TO SUCK BAD BEFORE DLING THEM!! OBVIOUSLY SOMETHING IS WRONG, SO STOP WAITING AND MAKING IT WORSE!!

The team benefits from having healthy players and having the injured healthy players back in action soon!

/common sense

gm-carson said...

Striking out 20 times in a 13 inning game is awesome. Way to go Phils!

Anonymous said...

Where's that Mets flamer today?

tYrElL said...

LeTs gO rEdSoK. wE eAt yO fOr bReAkFaSt.

tYrElL said...

bIg pApI = bIg fLy.

Bob D said...

I am just impressed that Howard has no 'Howards'. I hope you guys realize that Howard right now is canidate for Gold Glove as he has the 2nd best feilding % out of all the first basemen in the NL. And he has made some very impressive plays. It also speaks volumes that the Phils by far have the best fielding in the majors. It shows that Howard has prevented many throwing errors by the infield. Just thought I throw that observation out there.

TheIronFistofAllah said...

lets go redsox!!!

The Iron Fist of Allah said...

The Redsox were much better than the Phillies last year.

Dr. Steve said...

I am shocked they let this game go so far. Three errors? Because of rain? Plus bad pitch control?

And you let the other team score FIVE runs? This game better not count.

The Iron Fist of Allah said...

your team is named after a feamle horse lol

The Iron Fist of Allah said...

the feamle horse will lose hahahhhhhh
hahhhhhhahaahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa
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The Iron Fist of Allah said...

what kind name is the philles? how stupit named after a feamle horse

TheIronFistofAllah said...

the redsox will rape the feamle horses haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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The Iron Fist of Allah said...

Boston is better than phildelphia. the only bad about there to many jews. i hate jews. but boston kicks phildelphia rectum

Aaron said...

Please Keep Raining.

The Phils did not come ready to play tonight.
Bad throw by ruiz
worse attempt at cathching the throw by utley
Howard completely missing the pick off at first and then jogging after the ball and then not looking at the runner to see if he might keep running.
Then Victorino makes a terrible play on the ball
Oh yeah and 3 walks to go with 3 errors.

Like I said please keep raining.

The Iron Fist of Allah said...

phildelpha is an itch in somebody rectum

TheIronFistofAllah said...

i wont stop raining stop hahahhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

The Iron Fist of Allah said...

philles well get sweppt

The Iron Fist of Allah said...

fuk the philles lets go red sox

The Iron Fist of Allah said...

aaron philes suk dik

The Iron Fist of Allah said...

aaron i know you hear me haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

The Iron Fist of Allah said...

the philles smell worse than my rectum

The Iron Fist of Allah said...

the phillies smell worse than an old man hindnee hole

Dr. Steve said...

I hope it starts raining again soon.

gm-carson said...

Wow, glad the defense showed up today. Not that it matters, offense is in slumber.

jewish redsox fan said...

oy vey hope the redsox win today because today is a special day for me because I graduated from moil school. lets go redsox lets go redsox !!!!!!!!!

jewish redsox fan said...

My motto as a moil is that I'm a cut above the rest.

jewish redsox fan said...

I'm just sitting here eating my kinishes.

jewish redsox fan said...

Hey Carson did you see Jackie Mason the other day he said a funny joke. he said I wake up every morning and I say who can I sue today aha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha get it ha ha ha!!!!!!

Gm-Carson said...

Get the hell off here you stupid Jew bastard.

jewish redsox fan said...

Oy vey I just wanted to tell a joke.

jewish redsox fan said...

Ha Ha I used your name.

jewish redsox fan said...

What a hini spanking

The Boston Hr party said...

and J.D Drew hits one outta here!!!! ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ha !!!!!!!ha ha

The Boston Hr party said...

ha ha

The Boston Hr party said...

ha ha ha

The Boston Hr party said...

ha ha ha ha

The Boston Hr party said...

ha ha ha ha ha ha

The Boston Hr party said...

ha ha ha ha ah ahha ha

The Boston Hr party said...

gooooooooo redsox hit those Homers.

John Adams said...

fiddle twittle and reslove nothings ever sloved

John Adams said...

For one hole year we have been sitting here a whole year doing nothing.

John Adams said...

We may sit here for years and years in Philadelpiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

John Adams said...

Vote for indepencey

redsoxs said...

for god sake john sit down.

aaaaaaaaa said...

can somebody open up a window

sssssss said...

no no no no too many flies.

aaaaaaaaa said...

but its hot as hell in philadelpia.

John Adams said...

vote for independecy!!!!!

sssssss said...

sit down John

aaaaaaaaa said...

can someone open up a window.

John Adams said...

good god!!!!!!

John Adams said...

Alright gentlemen lets get on with it who should write the delceration of independence. I say Franklin you should write it.

ben franklin said...

Mr adams I cant put polotics on paper its a mania so I refuse to use the pen in pensylania

ben franklin said...

Penslyvania penslyania refuse to use the pen

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa said...

ha ha ha ha

Anonymous said...

ha ha

Anonymous said...

lets go redsoxs.

Aaron said...

Kid you really need a hobby.

Richard Henry Lee said...

My name is Richard Henry Lee Virginia is my home.

John Adams said...

Franklin If Im the one to do it they will put their Quill pens through it im obnoxious and dislike you know that sir.

ben franklin said...

Yes I know.

John Adams said...

You should write it franklin yes you.

ben franklin said...

Hell no

John Adams said...

Yes you Dr Franklin you

ben franklin said...

but

John Adams said...

you

John Adams said...

I say Sherman you should write it.

roger sherman said...

good heavens no

John Adams said...

yes you roger sherman you

roger sherman said...

but mr adams but mr adams.I don't know proper edicate. I dont know a noun from a predicate I am just a simple farmer from conecticut.

Anonymous said...

coneticut coneticut!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!

John Adams said...

Jeferson I say you should write it.

thomas jefferson said...

Mr Adams Dam you mr adams Your obnoxiuos and dislike that cant be denied once again you stand between me and my lovely bride Lovely bride Oh mister adams you are driving me to homicide!!!!!!!

ahhhhhhhhhh said...

Homicide Homicide !!!!!!!!!!

Dr. Steve said...

Can't fully blame the Phillies for that loss. It's the umpires, yet again, fucking the Phillies over in this series with their complete ineptitude.

BASEBALL IS NOT FOOTBALL

You cannot play Baseball in the rain. I'm having World Fucking Series Flashbacks, and not the good kind. The kind where I left the bar fuming that Cole Hamels wasn't going to get his record-breaking win, and that they were going to drag out what was obviously a hot Phillies team, and a whole bunch of shit.

I hate the umpires. They can't do a fucking thing right or fair.

GM-Carson said...

This is why we got rid of annonymous posting last time. Some dick occupies the entire comment section. And that was not the real me with the "Jewish bastard" comment, just so you all know.

GreggyD said...

Oh please please please get rid of the Anonymous/Name identity option. This is so obnoxious