Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Tale of the Tape - Cincinnatti

Pete Rose Connection
Cincy - Rose was signed by the Reds, made his debut with the Reds, had the majority of his hits with the Reds and later managed the Reds. He also bet on the Reds while he was the manager, which has not turned out well for him.
Philly - Rose signed with the Phillies in 1979 and helped the team win the 1980 World Series.
Advantage - Philly, but it has nothing to do with the gambling. That Jockey underwear ad was taken while he was playing with the Reds. Horrible. Definite advantage to the Phils for not having that black mark on their franchise history.

Football Felons
Cincy - DUI, burglary, assault, drug possession, providing alcohol to minors. The Bengals, led by receiver Chris Henry, have set the bar for NFL team arrests.
Philly - Mike Patterson and Correll Buckhalter got pinched for weed, but the biggest felons associated with the Eagles are Andy Reid's kids, who have drug, gun and DUI charges.
Advantage - Push. Nobody wins with drugs. They're great. I recommend them. But nobody wins.

Baseball Firsts
Cincy - The Reds were the first professional baseball team and the first team to host a night game.
Philly - The Phillies were the first professional team to lose 10,000 games.
Advantage - Cincy.

City Firsts
Cincy - They were the first city to establish a municipal fire department and have the first fireman's pole.
Philly - They were the first city to take a fireman's pole and have naked women dance around it for money.
Advantage - Philly. The roof, the roof, the roof is one fire. We don't need not water...

Dancing With The Stars
Cincy - Drew Lachey (98 Degrees) and Jerry Springer, both Cincinnati natives, appeared on the terrible popular show.
Philly - Season 6 contestant Adam Carolla was born in Philadelphia.
Advantage - Cincy. The Man Show was cool (especially the Man Show Boy), but it can't beat this.

Unfortunate Neighbors
Cincy - Just across the Ohio River south of Cincinnati is the lovely state of Kentucky.
Philly - Look east. There's Camden.
Advantage - Philly. That's right, for the second time during the TotT series, I'm picking New Jersey over another place. [Jersey won a previous contest over Tijuana.] The danger I feel when I'm in Camden pales in comparison to the uneasiness I would feel if I ran into this kid. [Yes, I know Deliverance was supposedly in Georgia, but that banjo strumming inbred albino screams Appalachian Kentucky...]

The numbers never lie. Philly takes another one, 3-2-1. The Reds have no chance in this series.

Corey

13 comments:

Dr. Steve said...

Ah yes, the 1983 Phillies Championship. Did Pete Rose play power forward or point guard?

Rich Baxter said...

The Phillies won the World Series in 1980 not 1983 as you stated.

I know you were just testing the readers to see if they were actually reading the copy and not just looking at the pictures!

I do that from time to time!

Corey said...

i don't know what you guys are talking about, it clearly says "1980."

Chris said...

I can't believe Ryan Howard has still not committed a Howard.

Aaron said...

Dude that Mets extra inning lose to the dodgers last night was priceless!!!!
Church misses third base in the 11th on what would have been the go ahead run, instead he's called out on the appeal. Then in the bottom of the 11th Angel Pagan and Beltran miss a routine fly ball and later in the inning Jeremy Reed throws the ball 5 feet away from the catcher on what would have been a sure out at the plate and ends up losing the game.

I F'ing loved it!!!! Hilarious!!!

GM-Carson said...

That Mets loss was a comedy of errors...literally, 5 errors by the Mets last night.

It would be great if Hamels started this series off with a solid effort...first 8 inning start by a pitcher this year?

GM-Carson said...

By the way, in case you haven't heard the Phils signed MLB veteran catcher Paul Bako to a minor league contract. I don't really understand why, but whatever.

Bob D said...

At least Cairo was sent down because the Phils used Happ the other night. That was a major plus now, how long do they keep Escolona?

Andrew said...

Park out! Happ in!! ESPN has it.

Rich Baxter said...

1980 and 2008 - 80 and 08

GM-Carson said...

I pray that Happ does well in the rotation and it's not a constant revolving door the rest of the season.

Aaron said...

PARK TO THE PEN!!!!!!

HAAAAALEEEEEELOOOOO YAAAAAA
HAAAAALEEEEEELOOOOO YAAAAAA!!!!

IT'S ABOUT F'ING TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aaron said...

All you need to know about why Chan Ho parking lot sucks is in his quote below after hearing he's going to the pen...
Obviously, I had a little pressure," Park said. "I felt like I was pitching like it was Spring Training, you guys asking me all the time, 'Are you going to still have a job or not?' I put pressure on myself. It's too bad I couldn't enjoy that I made it after Spring Training.

HE CAN'T HANDLE PRESSURE. IF HE THINKS PITCHING IN APRIL AND MAY IS PRESSURE HOW DO YOU THINK HE WOULD FARE IN A PLAYOFF GAME.
HORRIBLE HORRIBLE HORRIBLE PICK UP BY RUBEN......HORRIBLE.