Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Tale of the Tape - Milwaukee

Music Festivals
Milwaukee - "Milwaukee Summerfest" is the largest annual outdoor music festival in the country.
Philly - The 2009 Philadelphia Music Festival will feature bands no one cares about and will have a "Red Bull DJ Stage."
Advantage - Milwaukee in a landslide. While Philly has a DJ booth, Summerfest has Rancid, The Dropkick Murphys, The Offspring, Flogging Molly, Whitesnake, Judas Priest, Kid Rock and Lynyrd Skynyrd. Bon Jovi is going to be there too, but we won't hold that against Milwaukee.

Homegrown Actor
Milwaukee - Gene Wilder
Philly - Kevin Bacon
Advantage - Philly. Wilder was in the movie "Hanky Panky" with Beau Starr, who appeared in the 2005 film "Where The Truth Lies" with Kevin Bacon. So, Gene Wilder has a Bacon Number of 2. Kevin Bacon has a Bacon Number of 1. Therefore, advantage Philly.

Milwaukee - The typewriter was invented in 1867, in Milwaukee, Wisconsin by Christopher Latham Sholes.
Philly - Among Ben Franklin's numerous inventions were bifocals, the lightning rod, the odometer, and swim fins, for which he was inducted into the International Swimming Hall of Fame.
Advantage - Philly. - The typewriter is gone but swim fins will be here forever!

Statues For Fake People
Milwauke - The Fonz. A lifesized bronze statue of Arthur Fonzarelli was placed on the Riverwalk just last year.
Philly - Rocky.
Advantage - Push. I'm sure some of you might think this would be an easy win for Philly, but not so. Honestly, I wanted to give the category to Milwaukee. Look at that beautiful statue of the Fonz. It practically screams, "Aayy." It's nothing against Rocky, he was great, but he was no Arthur Fonzarelli. Fonzie rode a motorcycle, kicked a bunch of ass and pulled more tail than any other television character of his time. He was also a great philosopher, with such thought provoking statements like "Live fast, love hard, and don't let anybody else use your comb" and "There are two kinds of people, 'cool' and 'nerds.'" And if they ever do a remake of Happy Days, Fonzie could be played by Pat Burrell. However, because I foresee this being a divisive category and out of respect for Rocky, I decided to call it a "push."

Ex-Players on TV
Milwaukee - Bob Ueker did some pretty funny Miller Lite commercials. But his grand achievement in TV was his starring role in the one of the greatest sitcoms of the 80's, "Mr. Belvedere."
Philly - John Kruk starred in an episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force. "Alright, then let's get wasted."
Advantage - Push. "Belevedere" and funny beer commercials is tough to beat, but the strength of that classic ATHF episode earns Philly a push.

Milwaukee is tough. A few close calls could have pushed them over the top but in the end, Philly prevails 2-1 with 2 pushes. That means the Phils should take this series with the Brewers, just like they did with San Diego and Washington and...



SirAlden said...

Time to Start Winning.

Chan Ho to the Pen. Happ in the rotation.

Trade for Scott Rolen.

Bring Curt Shilling back into the Booth and to second guess Dubee.

Dreams and Nightmares.

dr. steve said...

That Fonze statue is creepy. Fonze vs. Rocky is a push. Fonze Statue vs. Rocky Statue is a giant win for Philadelphia.

GM-Carson said...

Schilling in the booth? Woah, why not see if we can hire Joe Morgan full-time too while we're at it. That way Schill and Morgan can spout off about how good they were in comparison to he players on the field while Wheels sits there and chimes in worthless information.

Burrell could also play Ray Liotta if they ever did a movie of his life.

GM-Carson said...

From Phillies.com:
Phillies manager Charlie Manuel has his concerns just two weeks into the season. The Phillies, who had Monday night's game against the Padres postponed because of rain, haven't gotten on a roll, partially because of numerous off-the-field activities and tragedies. They have endured Opening Day ceremonies in Philadelphia, Colorado and Washington. They also have had one World Series championship ring ceremony, three days off and two rainouts.

*Getting back to just baseball would be ideal. They've played the fewest amount of games (11) in the Majors so far this season (Cubs have also only played 11).

Joseph said...

Cole Hamels = Rick Vaughn, IN Major League II - his terminator fast ball looks like the masturbator.

Chan Ho has no Marbles.

GM-Carson said...

Phillies have struckout an MLB low 55 times. That's shocking.

Reverend Paul Revere said...

Should have gone with the Roots Picnic for Philly's music festival. Much better representation.

Scotty said...

Uecker also played Harry Doyle in the Major League movies...I assume that wasn't mentioned as it would have easily won that category for Milwaukee

GM-Carson said...

I believe the category was for "television" not "movies". I know that's nitpicking, but true nonetheless.

Corey said...

the roots picnic would have been a better choice...which is why i didn't use it. nothing was beating summerfest, so i figured i might as well mock a shitty indie festival with a dj booth.

the category was television, otherwise i would have mentioned kruk's stellar appearance in "the fan" and you would be right, milwaukee would have taken that category.

Hal said...

Hey, does "Ueck" get any credit for all his appearances on the Tonight Show?

GM-Carson said...

Kruk was in the lastest installment of The Sandlot movies. The original was awesome, ones thereafter blow.

furiousBall said...

No way! ATHF trumps the crap out of Mr Belvedere!

Chris said...

Carl is amazingggg. Seeing him and Kruk together is hilarious.

GM-Carson said...

Charlie gets more respect for essentially calling some of the players out for what seems like complacency.

Anonymous said...

no e in rocky guys......

GM-Carson said...

Spelling fixed, thanks.

Zach said...

Kevin Bacon sucks dick. You should have Will Smith for the local actor. There is no way that Footloose beats Willy Wonka.

Corey said...

charlie like cream soda better than birch beer.

Corey said...

kevin bacon sucks? obviously you've never seen "the air up there."

GM-Carson said...

I've got one word for all of you Kevin Bacon hater- TREMORS. If you don't like that movie there's something wrong with you.

Zach said...

Never seen it, but Will Smith beats anything Bacon could ever do. I'm pretty sure Will Smith has saved the World more than any other actor.

Men In Black
Men In Black II
Independence Day
I am Legend
and I know I'm forgetting a few.

Mark Twain said...

It's gotta be the Fonz - he's made out of Old Dirty Bastard's melted down teeth.

LynnieMac said...

That picture of the Bat as Fonzie is killing me.

And yes, the sequels to "The Sandlot" sucked, but Kruk's appearance was hilarious. "I ain't looking for athletes, Earl. I'm looking for ballplayers."

Aaron said...

Another game another 2 dongs given up by the Phils who STILL have yet to play a game in which they did not give up a homer.

Happy about the W but still not convinced these guys have their heads on straight. Also a big shout out to the Bucco's for finally beating the Marlins a couple times.

GM-Carson said...

Buccos with some early season success, especially in the pitching department.