Friday, April 24, 2009

Tale of the Tape - Miami

Tale of the Tape. You know how it works. Let's get it on...

Boating Refugees
Miami - Cubans escaping communist Cuba.
Philly - Jersey citizens escaping Camden.
Advantage - Push. Both are sent back as soon as possible.

Franchise Owner
Miami - The owner of the Marlins is Jeffrey Loria.
Philly - The owner of the Eagles is Jeffrey Lurie.
Advantage - Philadelphia has a football stadium for football games. Miami has a football stadium for football and baseball games. Philly gets the nod because their own can get a stadium built.

TV Sitcom
Miami - Golden Girls
Philly - It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia
Advantage - Miami. Many shows had characters that were stupid, sarcastic, bitchy sluts. But only one had them eligible for Social Security.

TV Sitcom #2
Miami - Empty Nest
Philly - Boy Meets World
Advantage - Philly. Topanga. 'Nuff said.

Disposition
Miami - In 2007, Miami was identified as having the rudest drivers in the United States.
Philly - The "City of Brotherly Love."
Advantage - Philly. If Philly has a "Love" statue, does Miami have a middle digit statue somewhere in town?

Ugly Uniform
Miami - The black, magenta and orange failure of the ABA's Miami Floridians.
Philly - The "shooting star" Sixers jerseys of the early 90's.
Advantage - Miami. Tacky stars and fading colors are bad, but combining pink with magenta is in an ugly class all it's own, one that Philly can't compete with.

There you have it. The numbers never lie and the Phils take another TotT, 3-2-1. So, should be an easy series win for the Fightins. Even easier than that Milwaukee series...

Corey

32 comments:

dr. steve said...

I may boycott this blog for giving Golden Girls a win, let along giving Always Sunny a loss. This is disgusting. Not even a Matt Stairs home run could remedy this.

Bob D said...

Sorry Dr. Steve, but I agree with Corey on this one. Though I do disagree with escapees from NJ and Cuba I will not boycott this blog over it.

I do notice for each city the TOT has different catagories. Maybe we should have a comparison of the homicide rates,major disasters, biggest corruption cases, average weather, and other doom and gloom catagories.

GM-Carson said...

Golden Girls kicked ass. If you were alive then, you know you watched it.

I want that picture of Topanga as my desktop wallpaper.

GM-Carson said...

WSBGM's is proud to announce the new MLB leaders in "Howards"- Detroit's Brandon Inge.

furiousBall said...

freaks on south street vs. freaks on south beach... advantage miami... i saw some guy dressed as snow white with a full beard roller skating in south beach. if he was the only weirdo i saw he'd still win in a landslide

GM-Carson said...

Farm Update:
*18 year old outfielder Anthony Gose now has 10 stolen bases for Lakewood in 13 games.

*Reading outfielder Michael Taylor belted his first 2 homeruns of the season yesterday, including a walkoff shot. Now batting .293 with 9 rbi.

Corey said...

i am trying to have different categories for each city and not repeat, which makes each TotT more difficult, especially when i've never been to the city or know much about it (ie miami.) so, if anybody lives in or frequents an upcoming opposing city, feel free to drop an email with tips. still to come are new york, st louis, cincy, boston, toronto baltimore, SF, chicago, AZ/pheonix, and houston.

GM-Carson said...

Speaking of "middle digits", frontrunner Jimmy Rollins needs to double saluted as he has the 7th lowest batting average (.169) and OPS (.461) out of qualified hitters in MLB.

GM-Carson said...

Corey- what more do you need to know about NY? They probably beat Philly in the punk sceen category and that's it.

Reverend Paul Revere said...

Wow, Corey, you were WAY OFF today. Jeffrey Loria vs. Jeffrey Lurie. Loria, championship ring, Lurie no championship ring, advantage Miami.

And seriously, If 70 year old women gets you going, good for you, but It's Always Sunny is one of the funniest shows ever, advantage Philly.

Golden Girls is for sickos and Arakansas Fred (not Fred Barnett)

GM-Carson said...

Then I'm proud to be a sicko!

Andrew said...

wow, I too was FLOORED by Adam Eaton's performance yesterday. Glad we're paying him so much!

GM-Carson said...

Freakin' Eaton, hate him.

Corey said...

owners don't win championships.

Reverend Paul Revere said...

owners don't win championships, but they buy/get the players/coaches who do

Corey said...

that sounds like the job of the general manager and i know, because i should be one. and maybe if they would have a stadium and more steady revenue, they wouldn't have to sell their players all the time and deal with rumors of moving to san antonio. but if you want to give that category to miami, fine. frankly, i could give a shit. but there is no way in hell i'm backing down from my love of the golden girls. when i went to minnesota, i made a point of driving to st. olaf, just so i could tell people i visited the birthplace of rose nylund.

"and if you threw a party, invited everyone you knew..."

How do you spell retard? said...

Franchise Owner: Advantage Miami

I don't know much about Jeffrey Loria, but I do know Jeffrey Lurie is a stupid fucking cock. And his little shitball cronie Joe Banner is a bitch nugget.

Corey said...

i'm pretty sure bitchnugget is just one word.

Reverend Paul Revere said...

Seriously, talk to my boy Arkansas Fred. He LOVES the Golden Girls.

GM-Carson said...

I can't believe the amount of Golden Girl hatred on this site. That was a gem of the 80's sitcom. Those ladies were gray and sassy!

Reverend Paul Revere said...

I'm more a milf guy myself, not gilf

Jay Ballz said...

Mmm, Topanga.....

Bob D said...

wow

Aaron said...

The Marlins are going to sweep us. We have now played 14 games and STILL have not had one game where we didn't give up at least one homer.

Andrew said...

a first inning homerun allowed? thats new

GM-Carson said...

I'm an eternally grateful for 2008, but it's 2009 and this team is a piece of shit right now. 15 straight games giving up homeruns, 32 total, 7 times in the 1st inning. Offense isn't hitting either. Sucks!

Corey said...

just yesterday you said that saying the entire team sucks was going "a bit too far." now they are a "piece of shit." that seems fair.

GM-Carson said...

"sucks" "shit" semantics...

Can't believe the won.

LynnieMac said...

I'm, literally, watching Golden Girls right now so coming here and seeing them mentioned is pretty hysterical. I love this show and I'm not ashamed to admit. It's the perfect thing for the end of a shitty week - doesn't require a lot of thought and actually manages to make me laugh. Corey's right - advantage: Miami.

dr. steve said...

So... Matt Stairs for Phillies MVP?

Anonymous said...

Its always sunny in Philly is an amazing show... Season after season it continues to stay and get even funnier. I'm glad you mentioned it. You can watch full episodes here to see what I'm talking about:

http://itsalwayssunnyepisodes.com/

Anonymous said...

I think you are the dumbest person alive! Miami is the greatest city in the United States and only getting better.