Friday, April 10, 2009

Tale of the Tape - Colorado

Next up in the tale of the tape series are the Rockies and their home state of Colorado. I've never understood using a state as the location for a sports team. It would be very odd to root for the Pennsylvania Pennsies, right? Teams should represent the city that they play and be named as such. But since the Rockies have dissed Denver, we'll make this Tale of the Tape a little different and compare states instead of cities.

Named In Song
Colorado - "I guess he'd rather be in Colorado" by John Denver; "Bound for Colorado" by Jackson Browne; "Colorado" by Stephen Stills
Penn. - "Pennsylvania is" by Everclear; "Pennsylvania" by The Bloodhound Gang; "You've got a friend in Pennsylvania" by New Found Glory
Advantage - PA. Everclear and the Bloodhounds versus a bunch of hippies? No contest here.

Government Ownership
Colorado - The US government owns a whopping 33% of the land in the state.
Penn. - "Fast Eddie" Rendell and his organized crime connections friends own waste management companies, contracting firms, and casinos, but the people own most of the land.
Advantage - PA.

State Motto
Colorado - "Nothing Without the Deity"
Penn. - "Virtue, Liberty, and Independence"
Advantage - PA. That motto kicks ass! Although it is nice of Colorado to give Hamels a shout-out in their motto.

Namesake University Known for
Colorado - Hippies.
Penn. - Ivy League education, leading east coast hospital, one of the greatest college basketball arena's in the country...
Advantage - PA.

Fake City
Colorado - South Park
Penn. - That place in the movie "The Village"
Advantage - Colorado. If I ever meet M. Night Shamalamadingdong, I'm going to shake his hand and congratulate him on "The Sixth Sense." Then I'm going to ask him for the 3 bucks I spent renting "The Village."

ESPN's Mt. Rushmore of Sports
Colorado - John Elway, Goose Gossage, Joe Sakic, Todd Helton
Penn. - Wilt Chamberlain, Joe Paterno, Mario Lemieux, Roberto Clemente.
Advantage - PA. Suck it Colorado! PA kicks your ass without using Johnny Unitas, Joe Montana, Joe Namath, Dr. J, Arnold Palmer, Mike Schmidt, Joe Frazier, Dan Marino, Jim Thorpe and many others.

Michael Moore Movies Filmed In-state
Colorado - One (Bowling For Colombine).
Penn. - Zero
Advantage - PA. Want to raise your states average IQ and lower it's average weight? Just keep Michael Moore from shooting a movie there.

There you have it. In the biggest runaway victory in this series so far, tonight's opponent Colorado gets hammered like Matt Stairs, 6 to 1. And I didn't even have to mention Jean Benet Ramsey. The Rockies have no chance in this series...



dr. steve said...

Keeping this feature the whole year may be tough, but frankly I love it, and this one is excellent.

GM-Carson said...

"The Kid" Ken Griffey Jr. is also a PA product.

I'm going to listen to that Everclear album today, it's an excellent debut cd.

furiousBall said...

you could also put Patty Roy in the Colorado, but PA has it in QBs alone.

GM-Carson said...

4:10 start to the game today, so much for the afternoon workout.

Chris said...

Maybe the streaker from last year will make an appearance?

GM-Carson said...

She was only in bra and panties, she needed to go Full Monty.

shawn said...

The reason the rockies named thier team Colorado Rockies is this. People are unified in the West. Thier proud of thier team and people can feel like its everyones team. Denver, is just a very small part of that state. There is no distictions in Colorado. Everyone is accepted. The main distiction is Eastern Slope and Western slope thats about it.