Sunday, April 05, 2009

Tale Of The Tape - Atlanta

Just like I did for the NLCS and the World Series, I'm going to be breaking down the Phillies opponents and their respective cities real scientific-like, with an unbiased, completely objective Tale of the Tape. First up, the Phils' season opening opponent the Braves, and the fine city of Atlanta. Or "The A.T.L." as the kids would say...

Civil War Affiliation
Atlanta - The Confederacy.
Philly - The Union.
Advantage - Philly. No matter what the history textbooks in Georgia say, the north always wins...

Biggest City Population Boom
Atalanta - In the years following Chipper Jones' call-up from Richmond.
Philly - The 1854 Act of Consolidation.
Advantage - Philly. The less child support payments, the better.

Hip Hop contributions
Atlanta - Lil Jon, Bone Crusher, Outkast, T.I., Young Jeezy, Ludacris...
Philly - DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince, The Roots
Advantage - Philly. I like Outkast and Lil Jon's pimp cups, but they can't make up for the rest of those jokers.

Spousal Abuse Participants
Atlanta - Bobby Cox
Philadelphia - Brett Myers
Advantage - Philly. This would be a push, but the wildcard is David Justice's mistreatment of Halle Berry while he played for the Braves. This gives the Braves more of a history of violent a-holes and Philly the edge in this category.

Soda
Atlanta - Corporate home of Coca Cola.
Philly - Corporate home of Hank's.
Advantage - Atlanta.



Olympic Host
Atlanta - 1996.
Philly - Never.
Advantage - Push. Atlanta has one more Olympic event, but they also have one more fatality from a bombing at an Olympic event. I say that makes it a wash.

There you have it, by a convincing margin Philadelphia takes the victory and through loose association and flawed reasoning, should take the opening series of the season.

Corey

12 comments:

Bob D said...

There is one item you missed in the biggest city population boom: Pat the Bat. But now since he is in Tampa it should all revert back.

But with Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince Philly has a big advantage.

dr. steve said...

I love Tale of the Tape.

GM-Carson said...

Bob D- Pat is a savvy dude, he also made sure to protect his "bat" therefore no lil Burrellies running round.

Dr. Steve- good news for you, many more Tale of the Tape will be coming this season.

I'm so stoked for tonight!!!

GM-Carson said...

Phils and Pirates 40-man rosters on left sidebar have been updated.

Kevin McGuire said...

Brilliant analysis and break down. By this logic the Phillies should win the series by a combined score of 62-4 by my estimate.

LONG DRIVE: A PHILLIES BLOG said...

We got this tonight. I can't see the Phils losing tonight.

GM-Carson said...

Tonight's score Phillies 13 - Braves 1. Sound about right?

njh723 said...

it's finally here!

GM-Carson said...

Some pissed off Pirates fans were giving Corey and I an earful in the comment section of the Neal Huntington post from the other day claiming we didn't know what we were talking about because we accuse the Pirates of "sucking".

This is from MLBTR-
Before the 2008 season, the Bucs had come close to dealing Bay and catcher Ronny Paulino to Cleveland for Cliff Lee, Franklin Guttierez, and Kelly Shoppach. The Pirates did not feel it was enough and killed it.

*That's pretty f'n stupid and what they did get for Bay (one of the top LF in the game) is sucky!

Andrew said...

waited in line for 2 hours for Nick Markakis's autograph yesterday, so unfortunately, I never got go Eaton! Even with Adam Jones in the same line as Eaton, it didn't look like it was more than a 30 min wait for his table! The theme of the day was cracking Adam Eaton jokes and the O's fans all around me seemed to share the sentiment!

Perfect day for some baseball! Lets get it started tonight!

klkatz said...

hey guys... thanks for getting in touch... stopped the Phillies/Eagles blogging a while ago - too much time... my fandom hasn't wavered.

Can you believe the PR mess the Eagles' organization has become this year? What a joke?

keep up the great work.

PWHjort said...

Carson, you know the south has much better rap music. There's no question. Also, add Tom Glavine to the list of people with a history of spousal abuse.