Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Phillies 2009 Promotions - Part 1

Rafael Furcal No-Web Glove - In honor of Furcal's defensive prowess during last year's NLCS, the Phillies will be giving away a glove modeled after the one he used against the Phils. As you can see in the picture, Furcal's glove differs from most in that it lacks the webbing. With this glove that will be given away on April 17th in a game against the Padres, kids all over the Delaware Valley can easily recreate the fifth inning of Game 5 of last year's NLCS.


TJ Simers Feminine Hygiene Day - Sports announcers/writers/bloggers rarely get their own product line. Harry Carey had a personalized set of whiskey bottles. The Phils gave away Bill Conlin oversized Hawaiian t-shirts a few years ago. Marv Albert once had a sponsorship for a brand of whips and leather jumpsuits. But that is about it. Until now. Inspired by Mr. Simers' ridiculous, ignorant, and uneducated "articles" in the LA Times last season, the Phils will hand out some Simers Model Summer's Eve to all fans April 28th against the Nationals. It's pretty self explanatory.

Ruben Amaro 8-Ball - So you want to be a GM, eh? Here's your chance to practice at home. On May 3rd against the Mets, all fans will receive the "Ruben Amaro Magic 8 Ball" With this magical tool, all of your GM-oriented questions are answered. Some helpful hints that will be found in this product are "Don't Offer Arbitration,"Offer Arbitration," "Overpay For A Leftfielder," "Give Millions To A Senior Citizen," and "Beats Me, Call Pat Gillick And Ask Him."



Kerwin Danley Umpire Kit Night - All fans 14 and under attending the May 14th game against the Marlins will receive an umpire kit inspired by the inept playoff performance of umpire Kerwin Danley. The kit will contain one pair of solid black "Ray Charles" glasses, one blind guy cane, and a dog on a leash.



Corey

20 comments:

dr. steve said...

I enjoyed this.

GM-Carson said...

Reading all these preseason previews for fantasy baseball and overall team analysis makes me laugh, because most of them think Furcal is one of the top shortstops in baseball offensively and defensively. The guy is good, but he's not that damn good.

Reverend Paul Revere said...

Ahhh, T.J. Simers. Someone should have invited him to the parade so he could see just how "angry" everyone was that day.

Andrew said...

outstanding

GM-Carson said...

There's not too many people in the world that I want to punch squarely in the face, but Doucheopotamus Simers is one of them.

Bob D said...

For the: Kerwin Danley Umpire Kit Night - do all fans get to walk thier dog in the park that night. I don't own a pooper scooper either

GM-Carson said...

Nope, courtesy of the Phils, they will poop-scoop your doggie doo-doo for you and mail it to Kerwin as a "thank you".

furiousBall said...

TJ stands for Total Jerkface

GM-Carson said...

FuriousBall- that's so PG coming from you.

LONG DRIVE: A PHILLIES BLOG said...

Good shit. I am looking forward to the Simers Summer's Eve. He really is the ultimate douche.

GM-Carson said...

I think I need to photoshop a Doucheopotamus next with Simers face of it of course.

PWHjort said...

HAHA, this was the funniest thing I've read all day.

peacock805 said...

Do you think Simer's or anyone else for that matter even knows the Phillies won the World Series? Everything I've seen since the season ended seems to point towards the Rays winning the Series.

I just hope Simer's doesn't find out that there were snowballs thrown at Santa Clause a hundred years ago. He may bring that up. Oh wait...what a dickhead.

GM-Carson said...

Simers probably thought he wrote a gem of an article too when he went out of his way to bash Philly and their fans. Really, we're not all that bad. At least we have a f'n pulse compared to the comatose jackoffs in LA.

Amanda said...

Hahhah! Love the 8 ball idea and the Kit.. i'm not sure if its the same ump, but the one dude looked like caveman. He was awful.

GM-Carson said...

Apparently Ronny Paulino is available with the Marlins as possible suitors. That will be a very short-lived stay for Ron-Paul if so.

SirAlden said...

Excellent!

WSBGM's is great.

I still am pulling for a RBI + RUNs for Burrell and Ibanez counter.

How about it?

NE Phillies Phan said...

I actually LMAO (Laughed My Arse Off)...literally.

Good Work Gentlemen!

Dan said...

I'm in two fantasy leagues and I went for Ibanez in one and Burrell in the other...time will tell which was the wiser decision.

GM-Carson said...

Please don't sue us for lack of "arse".