Saturday, February 14, 2009

Eaton Knows His Failure Is Elsewhere

Back in the day (circa March 2006 through most of September of 2008) WSBGM's went on some radical rants. We bitched about Manuel's managing, No-Hit Nunez's hitlessness, David Bell being David Bell, Gavin Floyd being a headcase, and much, much more. However, the Phillies went and won the World Series on us, leaving this blog void of a good rant recently. Well, don't call it a comeback, I've been here for years, but a certain someone named Adam Eaton has given me fuel for fuming, and I'm about to fume like a 1980 Datsun Z-Series without a catalytic converter.

Quotes taken from The Zo Zone's "Eaton Knows His Future Is Elsewhere".

Here is some of what Eaton had to say:
On Amaro's comments that the fifth starter's job is a four-man race: "What I knew already. Obviously, it hasn't been the best fit here. I haven't had two good years. I need to establish myself again. It might not be here. It might be somewhere else. It's nobody's fault by any means. There's a lot of pitchers vying for a fifth spot. A couple years ago it was myself and (Jon) Lieber. Stuff happens. Who knows what's going to happen? Hopefully nothing does happen and it makes it a very difficult decision for them. I'll just get ready for the season. If it's a season to be a Phillie, so be it. I'm happy with that. If it's somewhere else ..."
*Not only has he not had two "good" years, he hasn't even had two mediocre years. With an era hovering around 6 and giving up over 1.6 baserunners per inning, that's just pathetic. He wants to "establish" himself again, but as what? As the no-talent ass-clown he already is. Ticks carrying Lime Disease hold more value than this shitbomb. The part about being "nobody's fault" is pure denial (guess that ain't just a river in Egypt).

On his chances of breaking camp with the Phillies: "I think the odds on favorite would be going somewhere else. But that is a good thing, too. This isn't the only place I can pitch. There's a lot more teams out there that need pitching. I hope to pitch well this spring, whether I make this team or some other team."
*Wait, he can pitch, when the hell did that happen? He must think he's a comedian telling jokes like this. Thing is, his act is laughless, it's about as funny as that shit on TBS that Tyler Perry is always proclaiming to be funny...it ain't!!! I think the odds on favorite is Eaton becoming permanently unemployed in the field of baseball. Independent leagues will shut their doors, Japan will chopstick his ass, little leagues won't even allow him to coach, he wouldn't even be able to be beerman.

On taking the option to return home to Washington rather then pitch in Clearwater during the National League Division Series. (Players that went to Clearwater rejoined the team to watch the NLCS and World Series from the dugout.):
"Let's be honest here. I didn't pitch in September. I'm not going to pitch in the postseason. It was a loaded question. Whether I watched it here and continued to work out or I watched it at home, same result. Whether or not they frowned upon my decision, if you didn't want me to decide that then you shouldn't have given me the option."
*The Phillies are paying you many millions of dollars, you should be there supporting your teammates you smug overpaid bastard! Rob Ducey and David Bell owe you a great deal of gratitude as you've just displaced them as my all-time hated Phillie...Screw you Adam Eaton!!!

On that decision being looked at as not supporting his teammates:
"It wasn't just that question. It was an accumulation of things to lead to that point. If I'm there, I don't want to detract from what's going on. I don't need to be an extra guy around. ... There's differences to each side of the story. I haven't heard of any gripes amongst guys or anything like that. I don't think they have an opinion, and if they do I hope they come express them to me."
*You haven't heard any gripes, because like this angry blogger your teammates hate you. I do give him credit for recognizing he would "detract from what's going on", because when you suck as much as Eaton does, you can't help build rub your stink all over everyone around you...good decision to stay away douchebag.

On if he wants to hear from Amaro or Charlie Manuel or somebody about where he stands: "I think everybody needs to know where they stand. I have an idea where I stand, just from hearing about what you guys write about. Obviously, if they want to trade they're going to want to get me out there (and pitch this spring)."
*Corey will play the part of Amaro- "We thought we'd be able to sucker some poor schmuck into taking you off our hands, even if we paid all but 2 cents of your salary while asking for nothing in return, but every GM in the game balked at that asking price. You're released, good day."
*I'll be Manuel- "Ugh, I'd rather have Billmeyer (batting practice pitcher) pitching over you. It's time you hit that long dirt road and get your hind end outta here."

On if he is disappointed with what has been said: "Obviously, there are a lot of things that can happen. For me it's well known that I'm not in the mix to make this team. At the same time a lot of things can happen. I'm not going to shortchange myself or my teammates now, or my teammates in the future. This is my career. This is what I love to do. So I'm going to prepare myself, whether it's to be a Phillie or not."
*He loves to make money, not pitch, because I've yet to see him do the latter. What's he preparing himself for anyway? All he'll be doing for the rest of his life is working the remote control as he watches day time television (Hunny, did you tape All My Children?).

On if he will wear his World Series ring: "Why wouldn't I? Obviously, a lot of people get them that didn't compete. But definitely if I were to win another one and I competed I think that one would be more satisfying."
*This is the quote that pisses me off the most. I deserve a ring more than him. You deserve a ring more than him. George W. Bush, Osama Bin Laden, Casper the Friendly Ghost, and So Taguchi deserve a ring more than him. Wait, So-Tag is getting a ring, isn't he?

On his absence from the World Series parade: "I think if I was invited I probably would have shown up."
*Let's put it this way, Burrell's dog Elvis was invited and you weren't. Eaton would have been booed right off the flatbed truck had he paraded.

Side Notes:
*Eaton was a 1st round draft pick in 1996, 11th selection overall by the Phils. He's made roughly $26M in the majors. He was once traded to the Rangers by the Padres for Chris Young and Adrian Gonzalez. Unbelievable!
*I honestly read the title of Zolecki's post as "Eaton Knows His Failure Is Elsewhere", guess the mind sees what it wants to sometimes.

~Carson

16 comments:

GM-Carson said...

Ryan Howard has reported to camp 20 pounds lighter than he did last season. He's weighing in at a svelte 250ish. Hopefully this, coupled with his new contract, means a hot start rather than flirting with the Mendoza line for the first few months of the season.

Bob D said...

I see a Howard line of 325 BA, 52 Hrs, 152 RBI's and regaining 5lbs all on Philly Cheese Steaks (thanks to Pat's and Gino's).

Eaton not invited to the parade? Well at least noone threw tomatoes.

GM-Carson said...

The NL MVP will be a Phillie, either Utley or Howard.

Shay Roddy said...

Great post Carson... had me laughing my ass off at some of them!

Amanda said...

I love the title. I love how he "wasn't invited" to the WS parade!

Rich Baxter said...

It's a shame about Eaton. He went 10-10 for the Phils in 2007. In 2008, it seemed that he really totally lost his 'stuff'.

I don't blame him for collecting his paycheck, the Phillies made the decision to pay his that amount for three years.

I do blame him for not having the 'fire' to want to improve, he acts as if he's really unfazed by it all. I remember going to Phillies games on a Sunday and when Eaton was the starter, I would not feel good about it. I just think he hasn't given it his all on a turnaround for his pitching, and if he has, he is trully finished as a major league pitcher, unless a team wants to lose ballgames.

Visit my fightinphillies.com site for my position by position look at the Phillies and the NL East.

GM-Carson said...

Just got back from taking my picture with the World Series trophy...sweet!

Got to meet ball girl Danielle that we interviewed too...also sweet!

GM-Carson said...

Just read the Mets are going to sign Livan Hernandez...hello blowouts!

GM-Carson said...

The boys over at DeadSpin are forever cool in WSBGM's book, as they gave today's post a plug.

How do you spell retard? said...

Eaton couldn't make it to the parade? I drove 100 miles at 4 AM that morning with several cervezas in my system, and made it.

Hell, I almost died at least 5 times on the way back Eatdog; you motherfucker.

GM-Carson said...

Eaton is a M-F'er...in fact, I move for that to be his new nickname. Adam "That M-F'er" Eaton.

Bob D said...

Phillies report Eyre 10 lbs lighter and Myers 30 (yes 30lbs) lighter. For both it could help them alot.

Andrew said...

just watched Bull Durham to commemorate the first day of spring training. I don't recall, Carson, have you done a post on great baseball movies?

BetUSB.com said...

Sounds like everyone is lighter this year. Must of cut out all the roids.

Sports Contests

Lake Fred said...

Great post, Carson. You expressed my sentiments exactly on Mr. Eaton Crap. He sucked.

Next step: He's gone! C'mon Junior, kick his behind out of the organization.

Next stop? Korea. He's not good enough for Japan.

GM-Carson said...

He's not good enough for Korea either, unless it's as nuclear bomb tester.