Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Tale Of The Tape - Hamels v. McNabb

After watching Donovan McNabb's performance in the NFC Championship game this weekend, I couldn't help think of the other strong-armed leader in the city, Cole Hamels, and how his post season performance compared. So, I thought I would examine the two players a little more closely and see who comes out on top.

"Crunch time" strategy consists of:
Hamels - Reaching back for "a little more."
Mcnabb - Vomiting on the field.
Advantage - Hamels. The "puke and rally" strategy only works for drinking, not Super Bowls.

Accuracy most comparable to:
Hamels - Jamie Moyer
McNabb - Bubby Brister.
Advantage - Hamels.

Main target:
Hamel - "Cooch" Ruiz's glove.
McNabb - Hank Baskett's feet.
Advantage - Hamels.

Gets rubdowns from:
Hamels - His chiropractor.
McNabb - Wilma McNabb.
Advantage - McNabb. I really don't trust chiropractors...and I kind of like Wilma.

Worst injury:

Hamels - Broken hand sustained in a bar fight.
McNabb - Sports hernia sustained while chasing down a defender after an interception.
Advantage - Hamels. The lesson here: learn to punch with your non-pitching hand.

Hairstyle:
Hamels - Mullet.
McNabb - Alternating between wild 'fro and the Jerry Rice inspired "male pattern braiding."
Advantage - McNabb. Although the mullet brings back memories of '93, McNabb's ridiculous looks cannot be ignored and must be respected.

Gameface:
Hamels - A poker face that Doyle Brunson could be proud of.
McNabb - Takes the "smiling jackass" approach to adversity.
Advantage - Hamels. There is nothing more irritating than watching McNabb smile from ear to ear when they are down three touchdowns.

Possible nickname:
Hamels - Mr. October.
McNabb - Mr. October.
Advantage - Push.

Is limited by:
Hamels - 100 pitches and three days rest.
McNabb - Knowledge of the overtime rules and the lack of a running game.
Advantage - McNabb. The Phillies have a better running game than the Eagles, so McNabb gets this category based on pity. Maybe the Eagles should fire Marty Morningweg and hire Davey Lopes...

Recent weight gain due to:
Hamels - Gold and diamonds on his WFC ring.
McNabb - "Choking" down Chunky Soup.
Advantage - Cole F'n Hamels.

There you have it. The numbers never lie. Hamels comes out on top, 6-3, and the undisputed champion of throwing balls in Philadelphia.



Corey

20 comments:

Steve Wulf said...

Good post guys...how about one stating the top 10 reasons it's time to get rid of McNabb. Number one should be...because we should have dumped after he threw up on the field during the super bowl.

GM-Carson said...

Excellent post Corey. I love these Tale of the Tapes.

GM-Carson said...

Phils in WBC:

USA- Jimmy Rollins and Shane Victorino (Mike Schmidt as a coach)

Canada- Matt Stairs

Puerto Rico- JC Romero

Panama- Carlos Ruiz

Venezuela- Carlos Carrasco

Australia- Drew Naylor, Joel Naughton, and Brad Harmon

Italy- Mike Spidale

Netherlands- Mike Bolsenbroek

Bob D said...

That was an awesome post. I really enjoyed the fact that the Phillies have the better running game than the Eagles. LOL

furiousBall said...

good post, although in fairness, in 2002, McNabb did play a game on a broken ankle.

Corey said...

also to be fair, if the cardinals don't march 72 yards in 8 minutes to score the winning touchdown, this post might be how the two athletes are alike...

GM-Carson said...

Overall I like McNabb, but that smiling jackass bit he pulls when facing tough situations or playing poorly pisses me off.

GM-Carson said...

2 other Phils will also be participating in the WBC for their countries.

Dominican Republic- Ronny Paulino.
Mexico- Oscar Robles.

Bob D said...

My money is on the Netherlands to win behind MVP Mike Bolsenbroek.

GM-Carson said...

Rube is a man on a mission right now, as WIP is reporting Shane Victorino has come to terms on a deal avoiding arbitration.

Amanda said...

HAhhaha, that was awesome.

Andrew said...

According to the AP, Ryan Howard asked for $18MM in arbitration. The Phillies put in a $14MM figure.

GM-Carson said...

Ryan Howard is a money grubbing whore. I want to love him, but he makes it so difficult with his shitty defense, outrageous amount of strikeouts, and salary demands. This doesn't mean I want him gone, but he really pisses me off.

GM-Carson said...

Vic gets $3.125M and Blanton gets $5.475M, while Howard holds out for $18M.

Andrew said...

was Blanton signed?

Agreed about Howard. The players for the Yankees don't deserve as much as they get. But unfortunately greedy players like Howard look towards them to try and get more money. I hope he loses this hearing because a $4 mil raise to $14 mil is mighty nice for setting the strikeout record and costly errors.

Bob D said...

With the way the market fell out on free agents after CC and Burnett signed I believe the $14 mil will win it.

Bob D said...

Yes Blanton and Vic signed
From Phillies.com:
The Phillies' other potential arbitration cases are Jayson Werth and Chad Durbin. Werth, a free agent after the '09 season, submitted $4 million, while the club offered $3 million. Durbin is asking for $1.95 million, and the club is sitting at $1.35 million.

I expect both to sign quickly before the hearing. Werth could likely get a multi year deal before the hearing since he is a free agent next year.

NE Phillies Phan said...

McNabb is the classic choke-artist. And he will always be one. Some guys buckle down and elevate their game in big moments...others seize up, freak out, and puke.

McNabb is the latter. Its days like this that I'm happy I'm not an Eagles fan.

WFC!!!

Joe W. Linden said...

dude c'mon. you can't help but love the 'fro McNabb. if Donovan had that afro when he was drafted ten years ago we woulda won four super bowls by now!

GM-Carson said...

The 'fro is top-notch.