After watching Donovan McNabb's performance in the NFC Championship game this weekend, I couldn't help think of the other strong-armed leader in the city, Cole Hamels, and how his post season performance compared. So, I thought I would examine the two players a little more closely and see who comes out on top.
"Crunch time" strategy consists of:
Hamels - Reaching back for "a little more."
Mcnabb - Vomiting on the field.
Advantage - Hamels. The "puke and rally" strategy only works for drinking, not Super Bowls.
Accuracy most comparable to:
Hamels - Jamie Moyer
McNabb - Bubby Brister.
Advantage - Hamels.
Hamel - "Cooch" Ruiz's glove.
McNabb - Hank Baskett's feet.
Advantage - Hamels.
Gets rubdowns from:
Hamels - His chiropractor.
McNabb - Wilma McNabb.
Advantage - McNabb. I really don't trust chiropractors...and I kind of like Wilma.
Hamels - Broken hand sustained in a bar fight.
McNabb - Sports hernia sustained while chasing down a defender after an interception.
Advantage - Hamels. The lesson here: learn to punch with your non-pitching hand.
Hamels - Mullet.
McNabb - Alternating between wild 'fro and the Jerry Rice inspired "male pattern braiding."
Advantage - McNabb. Although the mullet brings back memories of '93, McNabb's ridiculous looks cannot be ignored and must be respected.
Hamels - A poker face that Doyle Brunson could be proud of.
McNabb - Takes the "smiling jackass" approach to adversity.
Advantage - Hamels. There is nothing more irritating than watching McNabb smile from ear to ear when they are down three touchdowns.
Hamels - Mr. October.
McNabb - Mr. October.
Advantage - Push.
Is limited by:
Hamels - 100 pitches and three days rest.
McNabb - Knowledge of the overtime rules and the lack of a running game.
Advantage - McNabb. The Phillies have a better running game than the Eagles, so McNabb gets this category based on pity. Maybe the Eagles should fire Marty Morningweg and hire Davey Lopes...
Recent weight gain due to:
Hamels - Gold and diamonds on his WFC ring.
McNabb - "Choking" down Chunky Soup.
Advantage - Cole F'n Hamels.
There you have it. The numbers never lie. Hamels comes out on top, 6-3, and the undisputed champion of throwing balls in Philadelphia.