Thursday, January 29, 2009

New Pirates Uniforms To Be Proud Of

Since I think the new Pirates uniforms are shit, I figured I would be proactive instead of just reactive, and create some new Pirate jerseys. So, here are my ideas.

1) The Pittsburgh Obamas - Our President wants to pass a stimulus package that would give $4.19 billion to "neighborhood stabilization activities." Does ACORN need four thousand million dollars more to commit voter registration fraud? No. So why not give a little of that money to the Pirates? Hell, even 5% of the money (~$200 million) dedicated to "neighborhood stabilization" would help the Pirates. And as thanks, the Pirates could get rid of the fat "P" and the Pirate logo altogether and replace them both with the president's mug.

2) The Pittsburgh Yankees - The Yankees are always looking to expand the "brand." Take for instance their 2001 partnership with English soccer club Manchester United. Now, the Yankees can expand their brand into the National League. For a modest price, the Pirates can replace their name/logo with the Yankee "NY" logo. Not only will this bring in money directly from the Yankees, attendance may spike as stupid bandwagon Yankee fans flock to PNC to see the "Yanks." And I'm sure the players won't mind either, considering that if any of them are any good, there is a 50% chance that they will be wearing a Yankees uniform before the season is over anyway.

3) The Pittsburgh Steelers - The Pirates have added sleeves to their jerseys in an attempt to "identify" with successful Pirate teams of the past. Well, why don't they try to identify with some other successful Pittsburgh teams, like the AFC champion Steelers. The color scheme doesn't have to change, but instead of a Pirate, the logo can be those three little diamonds. Of course, instead of representing the three ingredients to making steel, they can represent the three fans that still think the Pirates will have a winning season this decade.

4) The Pittsburgh Oilers - In every other country in the world, professional sports teams use the space on their uniforms to sell advertising. In America, teams like to pretend that they are above that. They act like the uniform is sacred and could never be tarnished with corporate branding. Screw that! The Pirates need players. And to get players, the Pirates need money. And to get money, they should sell their soul uniform fronts to big oil. Say hello to the Pittsburgh Exxons!



GM-Carson said...

I would wear a Pittsburgh Exxons jersey. Fine post Corey, very creative ideas.

GM-Carson said...

Ryan Howard on a long-term contract- ""It would be beautiful," Howard said. "That would be something we would want to see happen."

However the Phils would only likely go 3 year $60M, while Howard is think something easily double that.

Bob D said...

I thought that the Pittsburgh NY'ers would be good, however they act as a AAAA team to the whole AL East as they trade thier best players to the AL. Its like having a minor league team face off against major leaguers.

I'm sure a case could be made for them to receive some bailout money. Pittsburgh AIG? New GM Madoff? Jim Cramner hosting the pre game show?

GM-Carson said...

Hey look some Pirates news (from MLBTR)- According to Dejan Kovacevic of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, the Pirates reached an agreement on a multiyear deal with starter Paul Maholm. The deal is expected to cover his three arbitration years. I imagine Maholm will earn something in the $12-13MM range for those three years.

This was Maholm's first arb year; he submitted $3.8MM while the Pirates countered at $2.65MM ($3.225MM midpoint).

*They're also close to signing Erik Hinske.

Andrew said...

nice post. very entertaining

ripjgarcia said...

I hope that the Pirate ownership pulls a Robert Irsay style hijack and sends in the Mayflower trucks before the season begins.

I realize a dual focus was the original intention of the blog, but having it turn into a Phillies only one, was that such a bad thing?

ripjgarcia said...

Even better.

The Pirates get traded to Japan, where Kyle Kendrick is there No. 1 starter.

Corey said...

this site will continue be primarily a phillies blog...but we reserve the right to 1)rant and rave about pirates futility and 2)write about the left side of the state when their is nothing going on with the phillies, especially during the off-season.

GM-Carson said...

News on the Phillies front is absolutely dead right now. We've already talked about a righthanded bat and 5th starter...what else is there? C'mon spring training!

GM-Carson said...

The Diamondbacks are interested in Tom Gordon...idiots!

Deaner said...

Enough people wear Stillers stuff to Pirates games anyway... might as well put their logo on the jerseys.

SirAlden said...

Would be great if the Phillies signed Tom Gordon, and let him rest and rehab, and then throw some bullets in Sept.

In May-June 2008 he lead my team in HOLDs kept the Phillies in the Race. In Sept 2007 he rocked in the same role and helped the Phillies get into the Playoffs for the first time in oh so long.

He wants to sign with the Phillies. If picked up for peanuts he would be great insurance. Anybody totally sure that not one of the Phils Bullpen hands won't be a total washout this season? We were very lucky last year.