Eric Hurley? They can't hit Eric freakin' Hurley?!?!
Moyer v Hurley - Texas starter Eric Hurley was a first round pick for the Rangers in 2004. The righty's career minor league ERA is a pedestrian 4.02. He's pitched three times so far in his major league career, posting a 4.24 ERA. He only has 9 K's in 18 innings pitched, which bodes well for the strikeout happy Phils. 
Please Bash Howard!:
WNBA Preview: 
General History - The Texas Rangers started playing baseball in 1972 after the Senators left Washington and relocated to the Dallas-Fort Worth area. They are the second team to be previously known as the Senators, since Washington moved to Minnesota in the 60's. If you add the 10 years the team played in Washington, the Rangers are the oldest franchise to never make it to the World Series. Moreover, they have never even won a playoff series. In fact they've only won a single playoff game in their history. It's not 10,000 loses, but that is a lot of losing.
Not A Ranger - Unfortunately, Walker Texas Ranger is not a Texas Ranger. But he is freakin' awesome and he will kick your ass.
Phillie Connection - Three former Phillies are on the Rangers roster: Marlon Byrd, Kevin Millwood, and Vicente Padilla. Byrd was a cool dude, but we have plenty of outfielders, so I don't miss him too much. Millwood never pitched as good for the Phils as he did with the Braves, and he sweated too much, so I don't miss him. Now, Padilla, that is a guy I miss. He had a cool fan group, he switch-hit (having a contact side and a power side), he threw side-arm curveballs at inappropriate times, he wasn't' afraid to incite a riot and beat some ass and he might have a drinking problem...boy do I miss this guy.
Matchup - The Phils get Gabbard, Padilla (against Hamels) and Hurley (not the guy from Lost...). The Phils should take at least two from the Rangers. And if they don't, I'm signing off on supporting the Phils and turning this into a WNBA blog...
Chris Snelling - Sleeman Cream Ale
Chacon/Wade
2-8 in InterLeague play, 6 game losing streak, 1-8 over last 9 games, 3-10 over last 13, have tumbled from 13 games over .500 to now only 6...things are bad! Will things get better? Not tonight (Greg Smith 3.51 era/1.26 whip) and not tomorrow afternoon (Rich Harden 2.44/1.19). It's a long season (162 games/6 months), so naturally there will be peaks and valleys, but right now it feels like the Phils have a bad case of diarrhea and are dumping all over us.
Want to discuss how Ryan Howard is a joke, that Chase Utley has 1 hit in his last 29 at bats, how worthless Geoff Jenkins has been, how incredibly frustrating watching Pedro Feliz and Carlos Ruiz hack at horrible pitches is, how 3 of our starting pitchers (Eaton, Kendrick, and Myers) have been ineffective? Nope, me neither! Screw them, they suck!
Honestly, all I feel like doing right now is going off on a F-bomb laced tirade with many "douchebags" and "no-talent ass-clowns" scattered throughout, but we try to keep this a PG-13 blog, so I'll refrain and simply stay with "Screw them, they suck!". 
More Distraction
Today's competitor comes in the form of California born and raised surfer boy Jered Weaver. Like Moses proclaimed, "Let my people go!".
Brett Myers is struggling this season, struggling to be anything that resembles a quality pitcher. In fact, he's the antonym of quality, he's inferior. He's fallen to 3-9 on the season with a 5.51 era and 1.51 whip while surrendering a MLB leading 23 homeruns. I could go the route of suggesting I could hit a homerun off of this no-talent ass-clown, but I'm 6'3" 245, so that's within the realm of possibility. To completely insult Myers, I will instead suggest even Rafael Belliard would take Myers deep twice in the same ball game.
The Night Time is the Right Time:
Drought Alert- Chase Utley now without a hit in his last 23 at bats spanning 6 games. He's too good of a hitter for this to continue much longer, but it sucks nonetheless.
Drought Alert 2- Last Friday was a special night, 20 runs scored by the Phillies in one game has that sort of effect. However, since the 20-2 drubbing of the Cardinals, the Phils bats have been putrid posting a .214 batting average in the past 6 games and have scored only 21 runs (3.5 per game).
Drought Alert 3- Sweep of the Braves = awesome! Losing 2 out of 3 to the Marlins, Cardinals, and Red Sox = pathetic! Phils lost again last night to the Angels making them 3-7 over their last 10 games. Last nigth was extremely pathetic as they only had 2 hits, meaning that 3 Angels alone outhit them in the game (Garret Anderson and Vladimir Guerrero 3 hits apiece and Howie Kendrick with 4).
Drought Alert 4- The thing about droughts is that everything becomes so dry that the slightest spark can catch the whole damn thing on fire. The Phils are waiting for that spark, and hopefully it comes sooner rather than later.
Lance, nicknamed Big Wheel, hails from Pennsylvania, but made himself famous while playing in Detroit. He debuted with the Tigers back in 1977 and played there until 1986, at which time he signed a 2 year 2 million dollar deal with the Phillies. 1 million for 1 season was a big deal back in the 80's, and for that reason Parrish was consider a bust during his time in Philly due to inconsistent defense behind the plate, a low batting average, and that fact that he never brought to fruition the slogan of "Lance us a Pennant". He was an All-Star in '88, but that was out of formality because the entire team sucked that season. Over his 2 seasons with the Phils he slugged 32 homeruns and knocked in 127 runs from the catcher position. Following his departure from the City of Brotherly Love he signed an even more lucrative contract with the California Angels (who have since been changed to Anaheim Angels, and currently the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim). He spent 3.5 seasons with the Angels and was traded up the West Coast to Seattle to finish the '92 campaign. Then he went back to Cali to the Dodgers, but lost his job in the spring to some no-talent rookie named Mike Piazza (wonder what ever became of that guy?). After being released from the Dodgers things got dicey, he played for the Indians a bit in '93, signed back with Detroit in '94 but never played for them instead was sold to Pittsburgh where he played the '94 season. After the Pirates he signed with the Royals, but once again did not play for them, rather was dealt to Toronto in part of a conditional deal; and he played his final game in '95 as a Blue Jay. He did try once last hurrah as a Bucco again in '96, but never made the team. For his career this Phucco put up very respectable stats for a catcher- 8 time All-Star, 3 time Gold Glove, 1988 g, 856 r, 1782 h, 305 dbl, 324 hr, 1070 rbi, .252 avg, and a .753 OPS. Since his playing days he's bounced around the majors and minors coaching, and he currently has a son (David) playing in the minors in the Rockies system.
*Chase Utley is in a horrible slump, as he's been unable to get a hit in his last 20 at bats dropping his average below .300 (.294). Now's not the time to play limbo Chase and see how low you can go.
Minors:
*Catcher of the future Lou Marson is making me pine for his promotion with every passing game Carlos Ruiz struggles, as the 22 year old Lou is putting on a hitting clinic in Reading with a .348 avg, .907 OPS, and BB to K ratio of 43:39. Marson is looking like a leadoff batter with his .463 on base %, and he's thrown out roughly 30% of base stealers.
Of all people, I thought Jimmy Buffett would respect grass a little better than this...
Garces Jr.
"I believe we’re destined to play each other in the World Series," Hamels said. "We can compete with them any day of the week."
First, he runs back to second on a single to right. Okay, that's a mistake that could be overlooked. You don't want to get doubled up at second. But then he runs over Molina at home when all he had to do was slide safely into home. Don't get me wrong, I love it when players take out the catcher. It's a lot of fun. But you don't need to run over the catcher when he isn't blocking the plate!!! That was a mistake by Bruntlett that cost the Phils a run and probably the game.
2:10 - Phils v. Cards - The Phils send their opening day starter to the hill versus a rookie (Mitchell Boggs) making only his second major league start. Two months ago this would have looked like a Phils cakewalk. Now, I think the Cardinals should be the favorite. Yesterday I set the over/under on when you would wish for some "leftover" runs from the previous game. Today I set the over/under on when you say, "Brett Myers, you [insert favorite insult here]." The O/U - 4th inning.
2:45 - Euro 2008 - Turkey v. Czech Republic (ESPN2) - The winner advances from Group A into the the quarterfinals.
3:00 - U.S. Open (NBC) - The tournament airs at 3, but don't bother tuning in until 4:30 because that's when Tiger tees off. If you missed that round yesterday, shame on you. Don't make the same mistake today.
9:00 - Celtics v Lakers (ABC) - The Celtics try to clinch the NBA Championship. Personally, I hate both of these organizations. However, I do like KG and Kobe Bryant is my least favorite athlete in sports now that Barry Bonds has 
