Thursday, June 05, 2008

Interview with the Vampire

Here at WSBGM's, we're known for our hard-hitting journalistic style posts on anything Phillies. Therefore, today I will introduce you to a member of the Underworld- Cole Hamels, Vampire. Through his brief career Hamels has dominated the night (as vampires do) with 22-12 record, 3.12 era, and 1.05 whip. However, during the day his skills are masked by the sun as evident by his 7-5 record, 5.25 era, and 1.46 whip. Earlier this week I sat down with Cole for an intimate interview; is it strange that he asked it to be held in a cave and had an I.V. hooked up?

WSBGM- So Cole, how does being a creature of the night effect your employment?

Cole- It has its perks and pitfalls. For example, I kick more ass than Chuck Norris during a night game, but suck more than a mosquito during day games.

WSBGM- Does Coppertone make a strong enough sunscreen that would help?

Cole- Screw Coppertone, they're into kiddie porn.

WSBGM- Alrighty then, moving on. Is your wife one of those hottie she-vamps?

Cole- You speak of my wife like that again and I'll drain every last drip of blood from your veins.

WSBGM- Ease down Mr. Pointy-Teeth, I meant no ill-will. But wasn't she in Playboy though?

Cole- This interview is over, G'day.

And thus ended the interview with the vampire, hope I shed some light on the situation. *By the way, Heidi (Cole's wife) is the blonde.


The 2008 Amateur Draft will be held this afternoon with the Phils holding a handful of early picks (7 out of the first 136 selections). Not sure what their draft strategy will be, hopefully better than mine was for this year's WSBGM's Phantasy League, but I did hear rumors that this douche (pictured right) will go in the 1st round to the Phils if still available.



GreggyD said...

What is the over/under on the number of posts siralden provides us with today that either:

1. Analyze players
2. Praise Pat Gillick

I'm saying 8.

I can't fault Brett Myers too much after last night's outing. I was out and got back to see ESPN reporting he had a no hitter through six to which I said to my friend, "You can kiss that goodbye, it won't last." Lo and behold, Brett gives up a run in the 7th and the team loses 2-0 as the offense rears its ugly inconsistent head. The bats have looked good as of late, and let's hope that last night was an anomaly and they can give Cole some run support for once.

GM-Carson said...

I'm not mad about last night, Edinson Volquez is the best pitcher in Major League Baseball right now. Every single pitch he throws is devastating to both righties and lefties with the amount of movement he gets. He leads MLB in era and k's. Sucks the Phils didn't win, but at least Brett pitched well and is getting back on track. As long as they win today all is well.

I'm expecting a thorough analysis from SirAlden today in regards to the draft.

Stephanie Grace said...

I was really pulling for Brett but the walks he surrendered came back to haunt him when Phillips scored.

We had our shot in the fifth when Volquez loaded the bases but the Phils just couldn't capitalize with RISP last night.

Volquez is a monster, btw. I went down to the Diamond Club and stood at the top of the stairs for a few batters - that ball was moving all over the place.

Left in the bottom of the 8th after Cordero got both Howard and Jenkins to strand Taguchi and Utley.

furiousBall said...

ryan had a suck ass at bat last night in the 8th

Stephanie Grace said...

Yeah he did and South Philly sure let him have it (for about 7 seconds).

Stephanie Grace said...

Cole must be a daywalker today.

GM-Carson said...

Cole pitching brilliantly today. Shutout baby!

Howard struck himself out in the 8th last night, not one strike was thrown to him.

Awesome homestand at 8-2.

Dan said...

Daywalker indeed...Cole is making the Reds look silly today. I just looked at the stats and he only has 4 K's today...that is surprising to me, considering that he has kept the Reds completely off-balance today.

Also, give the Phils' defense some credit - they helped him out a lot today. Feliz (except for his goofy play in the 9th), Victorino, Bruntlett (!)...they all played nicely.

I was at the game last night, it was a tough loss to take, but you can't ever complain about beating a team 3-1 in a series.

GreggyD said...

Despite almost giving up Griffey's 600th, Cole had a beautiful line today to put an exclamation point on this series.

9 IP, 3 H, 0 R, 4 K for the King of the Castle

GM-Carson said...

Right now is a good time to be a Phils Phan, they're looking damn good in all facets lately.

Stephanie Grace said...

I agree, it's very exciting.

GM-Carson said...

WTF?! No SirAlden yet? C'mon, we want draft analysis!

GM-Carson said...

I'd love the Phils to draft Zach Collier, seeing as my 9 month old son's name is Collier Chase. Collier is a family name, and Chase after Utley, but if this Collier kid gets picked first that would be an awesome coincidence.

GreggyD said...

I am very surprised that we haven't heard siralden speak on the topic of Anthony Hewitt who is being called a five-tool shortstop that will most likely be moved to center field as his career progresses thanks to his great arm strength and speed. This kid can apparently hit for power, too.

From what I read, nice pick from the Phils, and they have pick 34 overall as well.

GM-Carson said...

This Hewitt kid doesn't seem too good. All reports I'm reading are that he's toolsy and has a ton of development needed ahead of him, which leads to about 5-6 years from the majors. Should have waited on him and seen if he dropped to #34. Plus, he might be hard to sign because of a committment of Vanderbilt.

GreggyD said...

Well wouldn't you know, the Phillies went ahead and drafted Zach Collier. Congrats to him, Carson, and his boy.

GreggyD said...

The Phils must be very happy with the way their farm system looks on the mound seeing as they went with two players in their first three picks who are natural outfielders, and another who is most likely going to be converted to the outfield at some point. They followed up with their next three picks by selecting three righty's. I haven't had the time to really evaluate all of these picks, but I'm always surprised when the Phils pass on third basemen early on in the draft? Who do they have in the minors that is looking good at the position?

Los said...

Hamels looked great, and I actually respect something that Manuel did ... I didn't think he had it in him to pull Rollins.

GM-Carson said...

I hate it when MLB players don't hustle. Manuel was right to bench Jimmy, and Jimmy knows it.

Zach Collier is going to be a Phillie...sweet niblets!

SirAlden said...

Should be a drinking game.

1. Analyze players - Have a Beer
2. Praise Pat Gillick - Do a Shot!