Monday, April 07, 2008

In Depth Game Analysis

Yesterday WSBGM's had a compound of the minds; Carson & Corey viewed the 8-2 thrashing of the Philadelphia Phillies at the hands of the Cincinnati Reds together. Here is what transpired...

12:00 - Time for baseball, alcohol, and vittles.

12:13 - Jalapeno chips, an Italian sub, and Mexican cervesas are a top-of-the-line lunch menu.

1:00 - Carson is introduced to the world of Major League Baseball in high definition television...there's no going back now.

1:17 - Edison Volquez's pitches have more movement than a kindergartner jacked up on Red Bull and Skittles.

1:30 - Ken Griffey makes Corey a happy man as he strokes #594, but only in the WSBGM Phantasy League, not in terms of the Phillies.

1:38 - Corey steers Carson away from the beer and towards a delicious mixed drink concoction of Captain Morgan's Tattoo and Coke; never has 70 proof tasted so good.

1:56 - Glad Corey turned Carson on to hard liquor as Jeff Keppinger went deep and the pain is hardly felt.

2:00 - Genius baseball analysts Carson & Corey begin dissecting Brett Myers' outing and come to the forgone conclusion that he's simply not all that great, in fact is more along the lines of middle-of-the-pack.

2:18 - Corey is now very excited because Corey Patterson and Griffey are having big days at the plate (collectively 4-9 with 3 runs, 1 hr, 1 double, and 3 rbi), but he reminds himself the Phillies are more important than fantasy baseball and slowly sinks into depression.

2:35 - Corey, "When will the Out Machine Feliz wear out his welcome?". Carson, "Wait, that d-bag was once welcomed?".

2:58 - Corey and his wife begin talking about what Mexican food to order for dinner, Carson kindly reminds him that there is a game going on, and Corey responds with, "Really, when did that start?".

3:12 - Discussion of the bullpen begins and then ends quite quickly. It is decided that the bullpen is bad, and could easily be the worst in the NL...really, that only took all of 72 seconds to hash out.

3:20 - After a stirring rendition of "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" Carson & Corey discover their ability to perfectly harmonize despite the lack of formal voice lessons.

3:39 - The Phillies offense is not living up to expectations, as they've only squeaked out 2 runs today. Then again, it's only April folks, no need to get yourself worked up into a tizzy, after all it's a "marathon not a sprint". Corey removes the noose from Carson's neck after that awful cliche.

3:52 - Brad Lidge comes in for the save in his Phillies debut and is successful. Not your typical textbook save by definition, but he did save the Phillies from surrendering double digits to the Reds...listen, we're making our own stats up at this juncture, it's ugly, what do you want from us?

4:08 - The sucky game is over, the Phils suck, the season sucks, but luckily Phans have that humor filled kick ass blog We Should Be GM's to help ease the sting of yet another loss.

~Carson

33 comments:

GM-Carson said...

From the Yahoo fantasy league-
CF Shane Victorino worked overtime Sunday after going 0-for-4 with two strikeouts against the Reds. Victorino, 3-for-23 (.130) through six games, took extra swings in an indoor batting cage adjacent to the Phillies' clubhouse at Great American Ball Park. "There's some things I feel like are not there yet," he said after the postgame hitting session. "You just stick with it, try to stay positive. When things aren't going good, you always want to ask yourself, 'What am I doing wrong? How can I help the team?' The last few days I think I've made strides where I feel like I'm getting somewhere."

GM-Carson said...

Thank goodness we didn't sign Kyle Lohse to a 1 year $5 million deal, he's only made 2 horrible starts this year, and now has an ugly era of 0.00 and an awful whip of 0.92...how disgusting.

Jacobin said...

"Vittles" is the Charlie Manuel way to spell "victuals" (which for some reason is pronounced "vittles"). Every once in a while my English literature undergrad background comes in handy. This would not be one of those times.

GM-Carson said...

You know something is wrong when the Pirates (3-3) have more wins than the Phillies (2-4).

Not only did Kyle Lohse pitch well yesterday, so did switch-hitting Vicente Padilla...yet we have Eaton.

Joe said...

Victorino needs to do fewer interviews and start hitting line drive or beat the ball into the ground and run like hell. He's trying to hit it out each time: hence the fly balls.

It's hard to picture his melon without a TV headset since he's become a go-to guy for Comcast.

Feliz hasn't shown anything. Where's the above average fielding? He looks afraid of Rollins.

GM-Carson said...

Not only has Feliz lived up to his Out Machine nickname, he hasn't done anything spectacular with the glove either. It's a long season and I'm sure he'll do something good sometime, but right now I'm pissed at him and Gillick for even signing him. Versatile Brandon Inge is off to a hot start with Detroit and that's saying something because the rest of the Tigers suck right now, and the Phils could have had him for nearly nothing to play 3rd, and he can also play outfield, and catcher.

LONG DRIVE: A PHILLIES BLOG said...

apparently when vic was being interviewed rollins, at the locker next to vic, interrupted the reporters and said "just wait till tomorrow" so lets see if me prediction is right and vic has a big day.

Bob D said...

April 6, 2008 3:39PM the Carson suicide watch starts as his first attempt is thwarted by none other than Corey himself. (removed noose from neck).

April 7,2008 8:14AM Jacobin is delighted to hear that the attempt was a failure. This avoids all bloggers from suffering thru an entire seaon of Corey (only) annaaalysissing Manuel's speach and writing each and every day.

Jalapeno chips, an Italian sub, Mexican cervesas, Captain Morgan's Tattoo and Coke, Beer, hard liquor, Mexican food, and a sucky game - something there would make one vomit, not sure which one, but it has vomit written all over it.

GM-Carson said...

Bob D- we held it all down bro, no up-chucking...close, but we're men, we can hold our own.

GM-Carson said...

Conspiracy- in 1st place in the WSBGM's Phantasy League II Corey with Jeltz's Jheri Curls, and in 2nd Carson with Eaton LoveFest '08.

Mike said...

Inge is guaranteed about $19 million over the next 3 years, and had an OPS+ of 80 in 2007. He wasn't a good option, either.

The Curls and the LoveFest will both be out of the top ten by Wednesday.

GM-Carson said...

Mike- I'm a fantasy all-star, ain't no stopping me bro!

GM-Carson said...

Jimmy went deep to start the game. Besides early defensive woes, he's still playing like an MVP.

GM-Carson said...

You're my boy Burrell, you're my boy!

Burrell went yard for a 2-run shot. Now 3-nuttin' Phils.

Mike said...

Patrick Brian Burrell: .750 with RISP!

goDuke said...

Just try to say I didn't tell you Burrell is gonna be HUGE this year...

GM-Carson said...

We love Burrell here at WSBGM's.

A 3 run lead afte 1 inning, that's a strange feeling. Hopefully Cole mows down this substandard Reds lineup today, 3 guys without a hit on the year and 2 guys below .200, and that's not even counting the pitcher.

Bob D said...

Burrell looking like the MVP so far 450, 2HR, 8RBI, 750 RISP.

GM-Carson said...

Pedro Feliz just made a very costly error (2nd of the young season). For someone whose saving grace is supposed to be his defense, that just won't cut it, especially because the bat was as bad as advertised.

GM-Carson said...

So much for that 3 run lead, as Cole coughed 2 back up to the Reds...yuck.

Mike said...

Shane needs to get his shit together.

MLB Extra Innings needs to start showing Phillies Clubhouse.

I have always hated Pedro Feliz.

Pedro Feliz said...

hey, i just hit a double. leave me alone.

GM-Carson said...

Hey Out Machine, you'll need more than a double to make up for your crappy start.

GM-Carson said...

4 homers so far, and 2 by Burrell. Jenkins first Phils longball, nice to see.

Pedro Feliz said...

they leave me stranded. you know, i'm not a big fan of the "man on second, 1 out, bunt from the pitcher to stay out of the double play." cole can swing the wood, i might have scored if he would have been given the green light to swing away. but who am i to argue the greatest strategist in modern baseball.

GM-Carson said...

Pedro- aren't you supposed to be playing right now? Either way, thanks for dropping by. Come back later and we'll probably be bashing you.

Pedro Feliz said...

like i bash your mom?

Pedro Feliz said...

2-4, bitches. bash that!

Corey said...

six straight innings of shutout ball and we're going to hand it over to the bullpen for two innings. not sure about this one. of course, hamels has reached the magic number of 100 pitches, and i believe cincy is one of the places he can't find a quackopractor...

Mike said...

Don't the Phils have a quackopractor who travels with the team now?

Gordon has pitched better since that "little problem" in the opener.

It's Lidge time!

GM-Carson said...

Yes, the quackopractor travels with the team.

Gordon looked, dare I say, good.

Lidge looked good for 2 batters then nearly everything fell apart, but the Phils escape with the win, now 3-4 and heading to New York to face the Mets.

Victorino may have had a single, but still was lousy at the plate again. Time to set in for a game and start Werth or Taguchi.

Jacobin said...

This seems unusual for Burrell... playing so well so early in the season, makes me worry that we'll be seeing Mendoza-line Pat the BBat come September!

Nice to see Lidge in today, even if things were a little rocky at the end.

GM-Carson said...

Speak poorly of Pat Burrell and I will have a "hit" put out on you.