Chris Wheeler as Jar Jar Binks - The one alien creature and Phillies announcer whose annoying , excessive, and altogether unproductive speaking ruins the viewing experience.
Cole Hamels as Luke Skywalker - The great hopes.
David Bell as C-3PO - Useless. Relies on others around him to get things done (R2-D2, Jimmy Rollins, etc.) and Effeminate.
Princess Leia (tied to Jabba) as Paul LoDuca - She has a big mouth until she gets tied to a 2 ton Hutt who puts her in her place. Going from princess to slave girl must be tough, kind of like losing the NL East lead late in the season by being totally pwned by the Phillies.