Saturday, January 12, 2008

Phillies Wars - Episode II

Chris Coste as an Ewok - On superficial viewing, nobody would want the Ewoks on their side. Short-armed midget Endorian furballs with slingshots against the Empires AT-ST walkers sounds about as good as a thirty-something lifelong minor league catcher hitting over .300 and contributing to a playoff chase in his first stint in the bigs. Well, I guess both showed they were more than meets the eye.

David Wright as Boba Fett - Sometimes you have give props to the bad guys. Boba was cool. He had a cool job (bounty hunter), he had a jet pack that allowed him to fly around and shoot people, and his helmet was decent too. Sometimes I wished Boba was fighting for the Rebel Alliance. Like Boba, Wright is a very good player and I definitely wouldn't mind if he was at the hot corner in Philadelphia. But also like Boba Fett, I wouldn't mind seeing him fall into the mouth of the Sarlacc.

Phillies Ownership Group as Emperor Palpatine - The Phillies owners were shrewd enough to become very rich and buy a major league baseball team, just as Palpatine fooled the Galactic Republic, destroyed the Jedi except for the strongest one who he got to join his side, and established the powerful Galactic Empire which included a giant starship that can blow up planets. Freaking planets, man. However, he allows his giant planet destroying ship-weapon to be destroyed by a single shot from a rebel fighter. There's a path from the outside of the ship to the exact area in the core that would cause the whole ship to blow up? Then he wastes his time watching Darth and Luke fight while the station controlling the defense shield for his second planet destroying ship-weapon gets taken over by some Ewoks? The all-powerful Darth Sidious couldn't see that coming and intervene? Talk about doing less with more....and there you have Phillies ownership.

Ryan Howard as Chewbacca:
Han Solo: Let him have it. It's not wise to upset a Wookie.
C-3PO: But sir, nobody worries about upsetting a droid.
Han Solo: That's 'cause droids don't pull people's arms out of their sockets when they lose. Wookiees are known to do that.

I bet Ryan Howard could pull someones arm out of its socket. I also bet Chewbacca could hit one into Ashburn Alley...



GM-Carson said...

I know this has nothing to do with the Phillies, but I was just looking at various players' pages on and stumbled upon Vlad Guerrero's and realized he's had 11 straight seasons of .300+ batting average- dude is amazing!

SirAlden said...

Great Post! Happy Saturday!

I have an idea: Post what % chance you think the Phils have to Win the NL East in 2008 (there are always injuries). Then if the Mutts get Santana.

80% - 70%

GM-Carson said...

Phils win the NL East in 2008 110% chance.

Ok- not really. 1st off, I hate it when dumbasses say "110%" because there is no such thing. You can only give 100%. If you say you gave 110% that just means you were being a lazy-ass all the other times and now it appears you're giving that "extra" effort.

I think the Phils have about a 75% chance of defending the division.

SirAlden said...

75% GM-Carson and what if the Mets get Santana? Lots of people are panic ing.

One more Arm leaving 3 slots open, and a solid 3rd baseman like Inge or Crede would make me really happy.

SirAlden said...

And what about Ruben raving over Snelling when he can only make the team if the team carries 14 hitters and 11 pitchers.

Only 2 teams last year were regularly carrying 11 pitchers and 14 hitters. The Braves were one of them.

SirAlden said...

Rolen Swapped For Glaus

Per Ken Rosenthal. More info to come.

Jarex said...

Biggest issue I see thus far in the Star Wars/Phillies comparison: Who is Utley? He's super cool and super good. We've already got Hamels as Luke (played by Mark Hammel, so talk about a fit) and Burrell as Han.

GM-Carson said...

JareX- dude, there's 6 episodes to go through, I'm sure Corey will find a kick ass character for our boy Chutley.

Rolen for Glaus, weird?

If the Mets get Santana, I'm curling up in the fetal position in the corner while sucking my thumb and sobbing uncontrollably.

GM-Carson said...

The NL East Infield poll has hit 210 votes. 196- Phils, 9- Mets, 2- Braves, and 3 idiots votes for the Nats.

SirAlden said...

So 75% 0% GM-Carson?

Jarex said...

There may be six episodes to go, but I'm racking my brain trying to figure out who Utley is.

Mace Windu - could be, but he gets his ass killed

Young Obi Wan - that's a good one

Wedge - nope...Wedge is a utility guy all the way

As you can see, I'm very concerned.

BenJah said...

hahha -- i called howard/wookie!

for the life of me, i can't figure out who chutley is. this is such a great posting concept.....even if it is horrendously dorky!

Marc said...

Ewok you! (It's a joke because f**** can be changed into Ewok). Okay, no more jokes for me.

Good luck in '08, Phils.

Check out the Rays, though.

GM-Carson said...

Marc you may be pleasantly surprised to know that the Rays are my American League team. I figure I'll root for them because nobody else does, and when they finally get good by the time I'm 80+ I won't be called a front runner.

I too think this whole Star Wars/Phillies Wars concept is dorky, but it's awesome at the same time. I'm very glad Corey started it.

GM-Carson said...

From MLBTR- The Phils may send people to watch Kris Benson throw next week. I believe this would be the second time they've observed him, so maybe it's getting serious.

GM-Carson said...

Also from MLBTR- Brian McTaggart of the Houston Chronicle reports that the Astros are close to a one-year deal with starter Runelvys Hernandez. Hernandez will turn 30 in April. He spent 2007 in Triple A with the Pirates, Yankees, and Red Sox organizations.

None of this seems terribly interesting, but the article also says Hernandez got on a strict training regimen. Now that he's in shape, he's reportedly hitting 97 on the gun (sounds like agent-speak to me). I'll believe it when I see it. But Hernandez chose the right team in the Astros, as they're hurting for starting pitching. It's not a done deal yet; he's having some last minute discussions with other clubs. McTaggart says the Rangers, Pirates, Phillies, and Reds have all shown interest.

*I'm intrigued by Benson because of his past success, not by this guy though as I forgot he was even around.