Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Coming Clean

Alright, I can’t take it anymore…I’m coming clean. The pressure was mounting, the FEDS were on my case, I was falling apart at the seams like a baseball bashed by Ruth. Then it hit me like Sonny Bono into a tree, I need to speak the truth- I DID IT! That’s right, I took performance enhancing drugs, and I’m damn proud of it. I went from a nobody to an overnight sensation in the blogsphere. While on the “juice” I’ve seen my hits per day rise from the depths of nothingness to the level of cult status. I’ve built a minion of followers, make pennies off of advertising, and am well respected among fellow bloggers in my own mind. The temptation to take HGH was overwhelming, the Internet atmosphere was of a “Do It!” mentality. If I had the chance to turn back time and do it the honest way through hard work and determination I wouldn’t... cheating is so much easier and gratifying. Look at me, I’m best in the business. Seriously, where would WSBGM's be without GM-Carson? For that matter, where would the Phillies be without GM-Carson? You all need me, you all want me, and I love spreading my big fat ego around. If you’re going to sit there and judge me differently with this tidbit of information disclosed- shame on you. Think of me as a struggling artist looking for a big break. The performance enhancing drugs were my break, and I took them and ran like fat kid after a french fry. I'll tell Congress the same damn thing, I'll take a damn lie detector test if it helps prove my guilt. I don’t give a rat’s ass about the Blog-of-Fame, I do this for me, keep your filthy vote!

*This post is lovingly dedicated to Roger "Rocket" Clemens...preach your innocence bro, because you're the only one who believes it. Screw the Mitchell Report, screw Brian McNamee, and screw me for mocking you.

Billy Joel: An Innocent Man
Some people run from a possible fight.
Some people figure they can never win.
And although this is a fight I can lose.
The accused is an innocent man.
Oh yes I am,
An innocent man.

~Carson

16 comments:

Sean said...

Does it feel even more gratifying that you came clean?

GM-Carson said...

I feel like a massive burden has been lifted off of me, but only time will tell if "coming clean" was the right choice. I still must face the judgement of my peers.

SirAlden said...

I knew it! That fully explains the spike! in your blog hits.

furiousBall said...

I'm not sure you took the right ones. Did your balls shrink?

SirAlden said...

There were two things one could take from Carrasco's first taste of Double-A at age 20 in 2007. First, he's got a bit to learn. Second, it was impressive how quickly he adjusted and picked up on the areas he needs improvement. The top prospect in the Phillies system has an above-average fastball with good movement along with a plus, plus changeup. His curve improved greatly in 2007 and if he can perfect the pitch, he should take his place right behind Cole Hamels in the Phillies rotation.

When that happens depends on how quickly he takes what he learned in 2007 and uses it on the mound. He'll likely head back to Double-A to start the season at age 21. Even if he spends all season in the Minors, we're still looking at a 22-year old ready to be the Phillies' No. 2 starter in 2009.

22 years old in 2009!

Bob D said...

"well respected among fellow bloggers" its a good thing you put in that sentence "in my own mind". For some reason respect is not a word that comes to mind on this blog. Comical or sometimes informative or argumentative does but not respectable.

Keep up the good work.

Jacobin said...

I used to be a fan of Clemens, but the way he has conducted himself over the last few years (with his retired, not retired, come back mid-season crap) he really started to grate on my nerves. But this shit where he is showing how innocent he is by bullying anyone he can get around... well, the dude does not abide.

GM-Carson said...

I too used to be a fan of Clemens, but am tired of him for the same reasons.

This entire entry today was a joke- I didn't mean a single word of it.

SirAlden said...

Backsliding GM-Clemens?!

GM-Carson said...

I should have phrased my previous comment better. I don't believe Clemens, and I think his entire situation is ridiculous...all this posturing with the media is asinine.

The part "I didn't mean a single word of" was the major part of the post where I was popping off at the mouth like I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread, because that's how I feel Clemens comes off. I was basically mocking Clemens by coming clean with such vigor as he puts into denying his guilt.

Basically, it was all done for a good laugh, and I hope I accomplished that.

SirAlden said...

Why did the Josh Beckett/Mike Lowell for Hank Blalock/John Danks deal fall through back in November of '05? - Oliver

The Rangers believed the deal was done, and hoped to avoid any leaks before it was official. However, a source tipped off the Palm Beach Post. The Post and a Texas newspaper ran with it. It was at that point the Boston front office found out, swooped in, and beat the Rangers' offer. Those reporters altered history.


Interesting, I have never seen it described more clearly. Now I really understand why a Grown-Up GM like Pat Gillick is so quiet about things then swoops in. You win some of those.

BenJah said...

i, for one, am glad you took blogroids. i mean, don't not pay good money for some lame ass blog. i come here to get the best, and i appreciate the fact that you deliver. i realize that corey hasn't admitted it yet, but that doesn't matter. he's pretty good too, so fuckn A.

keep up the good work, no matter what it takes. i mean, it's not MY health, afterall, so whatever.

SirAlden said...

Great Blog really smart:

http://www.hotfootblog.com/

Before the all-star break, the Mets ERA was 3.91, 5th in the league, while holding batters to a mere .241. After the all-star break, the Mets ERA was 19th in the league at 4.66, while batters hit .270 against the team.

SirAlden said...

Maine had a phenomenal first half of the season, going 10-4 with a 2.71 ERA and a .214 opposing batting average. However, after the all-star break Maine struggled. The second half of the season, Maine was 5-6 with a 5.53 ERA and a .261 opposing batting average.

SirAlden said...

Now Perez:

Last year, Perez was 15-10 with a 3.56 ERA and a .229 opposing batting average. However, Perez often had difficulty with walks, issuing a total of 79 last year in 177 innings pitched.

In 2006, where he split time between the Pirates and Mets, Perez struggled. He was 3-13 with a 6.55 ERA while batters hit a strong .293 against him. So, in truth–despite his universally recognized talent–last year’s performance by Perez was really a minor miracle. He added 12 wins to his line, had three fewer losses and his ERA dropped by over 3 runs a game.

GM-Carson said...

From MLBTR- Pat Burrell would love to re-sign with the Phillies after this season. Pat, by the way, doesn't have a computer and owes his second half success to "more hits."


*I see Burrell destined for the AL after this season, or the NL as a 1st basemen. I've loved him, hated him, and now I like him...but I don't see us re-signing him.