Sunday, September 30, 2007

NL East Champs

We've gone from "Bohemian Manuel" to "We Are The Champions." Hey, nothing says victory like a gay man in his underwear prancing around and singing....

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Some d-bag made this video in a jubilant, drunken stupor. Enjoy.

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Here are the last three outs.

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Random Observations...

The smallest guy on the team, 5'7" Jimmy Rollins WILL win the NL MVP. Apparently they were the team to beat...MVP!MVP!MVP!

Career minor league player Chris Coste catches the called third strike for the final out that clinched the NL East title. From Reading to riches...

During the post-game celebration, my wife compared Charlie Manuel to "that big retard from 'Of Mice And Men.'" Do I have to change my opinion of Manuel now that they won the East? Ummm, no. I still think he sucks, but 20 years from now (or when he is finally fired) I will look back at him fondly with a jaded view, which is okay.

After the final out, Burrell came sprinting out of the dugout with Bourn-like velocity. I couldn't imagine him running that fast towards a group of males before yesterday.

Everybody is pouring champagne/beer on each other, yet Burrell is standing on the infield grass drinking it. That is why he's my favorite player...

I think El Pulpo went into labor during all the excitement...and props to old 12-Finger for bringing out the hose to spray the fans.

CW57 followed the game with 'The Tim McCarver Show." Like a cold shower, the excitement is calmed...
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What's Next
Home playoff game versus the winner of the San Diego/Colorado Wild Card tie-breaker. WSBGM's will be at the game. More on this later, for now....CELEBRATE!!!!! Wait, did somebody say playoffs????


Corey

Stone Hands and Sudden Death

Yesterday's game:
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Today's games:
Jamie Moyer v. Jason Bergmann - Moyer has only won 2 of his last 8 starts, giving up 5 or more runs in half of those games. He started two this season versus Washington, both in April, both were wins for the Phils. Bergmann has pitched well lately. He's given up 4 runs or less in his last eight starts. Washington has won 4 of his last 5 starts and he has won five straight decisions. He's pitched against the Phils four times this year and hasn't given up more than 5 hits or 3 runs in any of the games. Despite this, the Phils won 3 of the four games. Also three of the four games were decided by 1 run.

Tom Glavine v. Dontrelle Willis - We all know what Tom Glavine can do. He's been in this situation more than I've been to the bathroom. Willis isn't pitching for anything, and is probably suiting up for the Marlins for the last time. Hopefully for the Phils he can continue his recent performances. In his last two games he's gone 14 innings, 13 strikeouts, and only 5 runs, one being a win over the Muts.

Brett Tomko v. Jeff Suppan - If the Phils don't win, this game doesn't matter, but if they do, a Brewers win could give them a second chance at the playoffs.

Doug Davis v. Ubaldo Jimenez - If the Phils win, and the Mets win, and the Padres lose...well, just root for the D-bags and see the copyrighted ESPN playoff explanation that I've reprinted below without permission...

Two teams tied
Colorado (88-73) would host New York, Philadelphia or San Diego (89-72) in a tiebreaker; New York would host San Diego; and San Diego would host Philadelphia.

Three teams with same record
In the event New York, Philadelphia and San Diego finish with the same record, New York and Philadelphia would play a tiebreaker Monday at Philadelphia for the division title. The loser of that game would then play a wild-card tiebreaker Tuesday against San Diego.

Four teams with same record
If Colorado, New York and Philadelphia win Sunday and San Diego loses, all would finish 89-73. New York and Philadelphia would play the NL East tiebreaker Monday; the loser would play a three-team, two-day, wild-card tiebreaker with Colorado and San Diego on Tuesday and Wednesday. In that scenario, Colorado (the team with the best head-to-head record among the three teams in the wild-card tiebreaker) would get the choice of having a bye on Tuesday or playing both games at home.
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We've all sat through 161 agonizing, gut-wrenching games, waiting to see if the Phils could make the playoffs. Well, no need to wait any longer because the playoffs start today. Everybody needs to be in front of their TV today at 1:35 EST, Phillies gear on, rally towel in hand, praying to God or Tom Cruise or a goat or anything else you think could help the Phillies beat the Nationals.

Go Phillies!

Corey

Saturday, September 29, 2007

Clinch Day

As all of you know by now, the Phils are in sole possession of the NL East. 1 game up on the Mets with 2 games to go. A Phillies win today and a Mets loss equals 2007 NL East Division Champions for our Phightins. Whipping boy Adam Eaton takes the ball this afternoon against the Nationals on the nationally televised stage of Fox. I hate him, you hate him, hell he probably hates himself, but if he pitches a good game and helps lead the Phils to victory, I think I can find it in my heart to forgive him for at least a day.






Last night was awesome. Cole Hamels "ballsed-up" and went 116 pitches for 8 innings of shutout ball with 13 k's. The offense was lifted by the usual suspects of Rollins, Utley, and Howard. This team is something special and I hope they get the opportunity to show the entire world just how special they are with a World Series trophy.

~Carson

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Phillies Phlashback Phridays: Desi Relaford

You may be asking yourself the question- Why in the hell is he featuring Desi Relaford in a Phillies Phlashback? Trust me, I have a good reason, and that reason is that I was wondering who was the Phillies starting shortstop before Mr. Jimmy Rollins, potential 2007 NL MVP, came to town. Jimmy's first exposure in Philly was a brief call-up in 2000 when Desi Relaford happened to be the crown jewel of the NL at shortstop. Desi had been with the Phils since 1996 and was doing his best Abe Nunez impression at the plate batting .175, .184, .245, .242, and .221 before being traded to San Diego midseason in 2000 for David Newhan. Newhan never really did anything for the Phils, but honestly they were ecstatic somebody actually took the no-talent ass-clown Relaford off their hands. Desi was a 4th round draft pick by Pat Gillick's favorite team the Seattle Mariners back in 1991 and was traded to the Phils for Terry Mulholland. Aside from the Phillies, Relaford has played for the Padres, Mets, Mariners, Royals, Rockies, and Rangers. He was out of professional baseball in 2006 but made a brief 14 game/26 at bat comeback with Texas this season. He has since been released from the Rangers, which means Patty G will be signing him to a lucrative contract this offseason. It's a shame we let Desi go in the first place, because his replacement Rollins has been such a disappointment.

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Obsessed:
*1st place in the NL East. Wow! The Phillies truly do control their own fate. They need to sweep the Nationals, because losing is a scary proposition. Hopefully the Marlins can keep the Mets scuffling, and to make things interesting the Brew Crew take the next 3 from the Padres, and Arizona take a couple from the Rockies too.

*Right now it feels like playoff baseball, so just imagine the intensity of how it will be in October. This team has a chance to make the city of Philly and all its fans believe and triumph...lets go Phils!!!

~Carson

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Thirsty Thursday

Shane Victorino - Grolsch
Grolsch is a Dutch lager. It's pretty generic, but pretty good too. It's relation to Victorino, besides the fact that they are both foreign (Grolsch-Netherlands, Victorino-Hawaii), is purely cosmetic. From Wikipedia - Grolsch has a "distinctive shape of bottle for some of its products, known as the beugel or "the gurdle." Bottles of this type use a swing-top cap, eliminating the need for an opener." Victorino doesn't have a "swing-top cap" but he also eschews traditional toppings and opts for the double ear flap helmet. Although many great players wore the double flap (Delino Deshields, Otis Nixon) and all minor league players must wear it, I can only think of Victorino and O-Dog Hudson that sport the look in the majors. I'm not sure why, I guess it is so they don't have to have two helmets since they switch hit.
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Jimmy Rollins
Last night Jimmy became only the fourth player to have 700 at bats in one season. The last was Ichiro in '04. The other two: Willie Wilson and Juan Samuel. The record is 705, which Jimmy should break on Saturday.
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One Back...
...of both the Mets and the Padres with 4 to go, and we have Kendrick and Hamels in the next two. Let's go Phillies!!!!

Corey

Heartbroken...

...not only because the Phillies lost last night, but because I have been looking forward to Eaton v. Smoltz for over a week, and now it looks like it won't happen. Manuel has moved Kendrick and Hamels up a day so that Kendrick will now square off with Smoltz on Thursday, and Eaton will get the ball against the Gnats on Saturday.

This is probably a good move for the club, but not for fans who appreciate epic showdowns. Eaton v. Smoltz in a playoff run, well that's like Ali v. Frazier, America v. Germany, or AJ Benza v. Stuttering John. These sort of matchups rarely happen, and we are all being deprived of the opportunity to witness history. Thanks Fuqua.

Corey

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Revisiting History

Last year the Phillies were in the thick of the Wild Card race as the season was coming to a close. The Phils were idle last night, and got some much needed rest, but that wasn't the only good thing to come out of the off day. With a 6 pack of games remaining this season history is repeating itself as the Phils are tied for the NL Wild Card with the San Diego Padres who lost last night. To make matters more interesting the Mets lost leaving the Phils a reachable 2 games out of the NL East.

I had this to say at the same point in the season last year- At times like this you need a beer and some good music to calm the nerves and ease the tension. The Phillies only have 6 games left, and each game will probably be a heart stopper. So grab a six-pack of your favorite brew and pop in some tunes for your pre-game warm-up, because this is going to be one helluva end to the season! *Those words still ring true. Let's go Phils...we want playoffs!!!

~Carson

Sunday, September 23, 2007

76 And Done Counting

What does 76 mean to Philadelphia this weekend?

The number of points scored by the Swedish National Football Team, errr, the Eagles against the Lions? No.

The number of fingers on El Pulpo's left hand? No.

The name of both the basketball team and the greatest stretch of paved road east of the Mississippi? Well, yes, but no.

The number of pitches the staff ace throws before coming out of a one run game after the fifth inning at the end of the playoff race in a game that could have put the Phils in the pole position for the Wild Card? You got it!


I don't want to hear about being cautious and about all the years Cole and his chiropractor will be contributing to the Phillies cause. I don't want to hear about magical, mysterious pitch count numbers that mean abso-freakin-lutely nothing. [Contrary to popular belief, a coaching staff CANNOT predict the number of pitches it takes to cause an arm injury.] I don't want to hear about any of it. I want to make the playoffs. I don't want the staff ace to hand the ball over to El Pulpo or Geoff Geary or Kane "Unable" Davis after only 76 pitches. I want him to "clutch up", take the ball, and win a ballgame.
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The Phils dropped to 2.5 games behind the Mets. Thankfully though, Greg Maddux went Gavin Floyd in San Diego yesterday and the Phils remain 1/2 game out of the Wild Card.

Also, we should all send thank you cards to Milton Bradley, for putting Mike Camerson "day-to-day" after stepping on his hand and then injuring himself arguing with the umpire.

Corey

Super Bad

The bullpen has been a joke almost the entire season. A long, exhausted, painful, unfunny joke. Do I need to remind anybody that Jose Mesa is a member of this relief group?! Are you aware that our #1 starter at the start of the season is now our mental midget closer?! Can you honestly tell me you trust any pitcher out there with a lead?! Like Bob Dylan said, "the times they are a changin'", because over the past 2 weeks our bullpen has been- dare I say- truth worthy and good. Most notably JC Romero, Tom Gordon, and Brett Myers who have appeared in 5 straight games now, and even Gas Can Geary has seemed to put on a flame-retardant suit for the time being. Overall, the bullpen has posted a 1.84 era over the current road trip.

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Surgery Sucks:
Highly touted pitching prospect Scott Mathieson, who spent this season recovering from Tommy John surgery, is set to go under the knife yet again. During a rehab assignment Mathieson felt discomfort in his repaired arm and was shut down, and it has now been recommended he get it "cleaned up" via surgery. Reports have him ready for spring training next season, but as we all know- the Phillies have a tendency to lie in cases like this. Also getting sliced-and-diced will be minor league starting pitcher Zack Segovia.

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Holla @ cha Boy!:
*I love Ryan Howard's power. I hate his lack of contact. The man is about to set the single season strikeout record, and with every mounting k I get more and more disgusted. Howard currently has 194 k's, and that's with a 15 day stint on the DL, and will undoubtedly crush the strikeout record set by Adam Dunn at 195. I find it revolting that a player can fail to put the ball in play 38.3% of their at bats. I'm not advocating the exile of Ryan Howard or anything ludicrous like that, I'm simply stating my displeasure for his way of making outs. Here's the stat I'll leave you with, when Howard puts the ball in play he is batting .429.

*Disney doesn't like failures. The warm and fuzzy story of Chris Coste has gotten ugly lately, as his batting average has gone from .365 on August 2nd dipping down to .281 after last night. He's now 5-34 in September, which equates to a horrendous .147 average. Once again, I'm not promoting the deportation of Chris Coste, I'm just pointing out his recent struggles...still better than Rod Barajas.

*At the beginning of the season, who would have thought our staff ace end up being some barely known commodity that began the year in Reading? The barely know commodity is Kyle Kendrick, and he's been everything we could have hoped for and more with a 9-4 record, 3.83 era, 1.28 whip, and 115 ip in 19 starts.

*The Phils are now 15 games above the mediocrity mark of .500 with a 85-70 record, and are winners of 9 out of their last 10 games. Going into Sunday they still trail the Mets by 1.5 in the East and now only .5 games back of the Padres for the Wild Card. 7 games to go...bring it on!

~Carson

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Saturday Extravaganza


8 is Enough?:Now with only 8 games left to play in the regular season and 1.5 back in both the NL East and Wild Card races I'm wondering if the Phils have enough time. It's conceivable that the Phils could win all their remaining games and still fall short of a postseason berth. This seems all too familiar to seasons past when the Phils came oh-so-close to fall 1 or 2 games short of the ultimate goal of the playoffs. As the number of games left on the schedule dwindles it feels as though the "games back" number increases...never has 1.5 felt so large.

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Square Pegs in the Oval Office:
There were 2 too many dumbasses in the White House yesterday, as Charles Fuqua Manuel and 6 of his players paid President Bush a visit. Imagine the conversation between the two brainiacs Manuel and Bush...
Fuqua- "Um, gee, ah, this is quite, duh, um, place you got here. It big!"
W- "Why thanks, you know we grow 'em bigger in Texas. Course this is Washington, but it's a helluva state too."
Fuqua- "Washington? We're on the Left Coast?"
W- "Well yeah, notice the Starbucks on the corner and all the rain...Seattle's best for ya."

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MVP:
Jimmy Rollins is having a tremendous all-around season and is finally getting noticed for it on a national scale. Sarge keeps pounding the "J-Roll for MVP" drum every chance he gets, and others are starting to jump on the bandwagon...the more the merrier. 132 runs, 201 hits, 38 doubles, 18 triples, 29 homeruns, 90 rbi, 37 stolen bases, 362 total bases, .295 batting average, and a .876 OPS to go along with his outstanding fielding and clubhouse leadership. Matt Holiday, Prince Fielder, and David Wright are also having terrific seasons, but in my opinion Rollins edges them out.

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Price of Inflation:
Allow me to take this moment to make something abundantly clear- I HATE ADAM EATON! Every time he takes the mound I honestly wish I could bum rush the field and kick him in the nuts with steel-toed boots. I hate his face, I hate his demeanor, I hate his contract, but most of all I hate his pitching. 3 years 24.5 million is the price we paid to get a pitcher with a craptacular 6.33 era, a shitorific 1.61 whip, a near Tony Gwynn-like .299 average against, and a measly 5 and a half innings per start.

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Bullpen Buddies:
JC Romero, Tom Gordon, and Brett Myers have been used in that exact order for the better part of September. Believe it or not, the trio has pitched rather effectively. However, yesterday marked the 4th straight game in which Manuel used the 3 of them, and that means all of them are probably unavailable for tonight's game in Washington. Phillies.com had this to say about the situation, "Brett Myers, Tom Gordon and J.C. Romero checked their extremities while warming up in the bullpen.". I don't know about the rest of you, but I don't want to read about Myers, Gordon, and Romero peeping in on their man-pieces during the game...save that stuff for the showers!

~Carson

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Houston We Have A Nutsack

The retards over in Houston, Texas who make the decisions for the Astros thought it would be wise to hire ex-Phils GM Ed Wade. Wade did a lot wrong, but little right while in Philly. Ask any true Phillies fan what they think about Ed Wade and they'll probably just give you the finger and walk away. Corey had these kinds words to say about him in the past- "If anyone can give Joe Carter and losing a World Series a run, it's Ed "Mutha-Freakin" Wade. Every time I see a picture of this guy, I want to vomit. I don't know if it is because not since Gary Gaetti has a face looked so much like a scrotum or because of his complete inability to make a decent trade or free-agent signing for 7 years (except Jim Thome.) Either way, he's human ipecac." Enjoy the pain Houston, you've got nobody to blame but yourselves.

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He's Crafy:
It baffles me how a MLB player can helplessly flail at an offering from the 44 year old arm of Jamie Moyer. His fastball is slower than a Johan Santana change-up for crying out loud! Nevertheless, Moyer finds a way to get hitters out because he's crafty.

Beastie Boys- She's Crafty
She's crafty - she's gets around.
She's crafty - she's always down.
She's crafty - she's got a gripe.
She's crafty - and she's just my type.
She's crafty!


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9 Lives?:
*With only 9 games remaining in the season, the Phils are doing their best to sneak into the playoffs. Thanks to the Marlins late inning heroics against the Mets, the Phils now are at 1.5 back in the East. Our state buddies the Pirates dropped a 4 game set against the Padres though as San Diego has now won 7 in a row and have a 2.5 game lead for the Wild Card.

*J.C. Romero has been an excellent addition to this bullpen, and I hope Patty G looks into resigning him.

*Kyle Lohse sucked for 2 innings, but the bullpen was good for 7. However, the offense is what won the game last night...thank you Jayson Werth!

~Carson

Thirsty Thursday: Beer Pong!

Aaron Rowand - Natural Light - Natty Light is really cheap, costing far less then 10 bucks for a suitcase. It is weak in taste, battling Coors Light for the winner of "Beer That Tastes Most Like Water." It contains about as much alcohol as water too, so it is relatively pointless to drink. Doesn't sound too much like Aaron Rowand, does it? Well, the only good use for Natty Light(because of it's water-like nature) is beer pong. And based on the pic below, I think Rowand would appreciate the association.


Corey

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Reasons Why Yesterday Sucked:
*1.5 back became 2.5 back, with little time left.
*The Mets, Padres, and the Diamondbacks all won, but the Phillies did not.
*Our offense was nonexistent.
*Our pitching was decent last night aside from the undeservedly much hyped Brett Myers.

~Carson

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Quickie

Quick Thoughts:
*Jayson Werth is doing far better than I ever thought he could. He still has an ugly swing at times, but he is playing inspired baseball right now with heart and hustle. I'm not ready to crown him 2008's starting right fielder, but I'm damn glad to have him on this team right now.

*The Padres are really starting to irritate me. Do they ever lose games anymore?

*1.5 is a very doable number, as that is the number of games we're behind the Mets for the NL East and the San Diego Friars for the NL Wild Card.

*The Phillies have now had 9 pitchers record a save for them this season: Clay Condrey, JD Durbin, John Ennis, Jose Mesa, Antonio Alfonseca, Ryan Madson, Francisco Rosario, Tom Gordon, and Brett Myers. It's nice to be saved, but most of those pitchers have no business closing out a game.

*Winning is fun. Like Nike said, "Just Do It!". Going for 7 in a row tonight with Grand Pappy Moyer on the mound...Go Phils!!!

~Carson

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

2026 1st Round Draft Pick

Say hello to the Phillies future 2026 1st round draft pick- Collier Chase. He may seem small now, but he is mighty. At the height of his maturation he will be a 6'5" 225 pound power pitching lefty. Accompanying his blistering 97 mph fastball will be a lasso-like change-up and a devastating breaking ball with more slide than a trombone. Early scouting reports include- excellent athletic family tree, great clubhouse presence, quality baseball "smarts", understands the art of pitching, and nearly unhittable stuff.

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The Truth About the Cardinals:




They enjoy handling each other's bat and balls.





They take extra pleasure in the Pujols.

~Carson

Sunday, September 16, 2007

New York, New York



Back to back sweeps and 8 in a row versus the Muts.

That was one of the ugliest games I've seen in a while. The Muts made 6 errors(Moses with 2 of them) and their pitchers walked 11 batters, which resulted in the Phils scoring 10 runs on only 7 hits.

On the negative side, the Mets are still 3.5 up and the Padres continue to win.

Also, glad to see Brett Myers come in and "close out" a 4 run lead. Actually, I'm not. That was the third appearance for Myers in three days, in a situation where they did not need him. I'm surprised to see Fuqua mismanage the bullpen and overuse pitchers...

And what more can be said about Gavin Eaton?
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In the first two games, the Phils send out their two best pitchers to face 14 game loser Anthony Reyes and 17 game loser Kip Wells. There can be no letdown from the sweep like they had last time, because they need to make hey early in the series.

Corey

Sunday Sampler

Getting Religious:
David Wright and Jose Reyes are good. To be honest, they're spectacular, but they're not the best thing since sliced bread or Double Stuf Oreos. Wright and Ray-Ass (thanks Wheels) have a wide array of skills and are near the top of the heap at their particular positions, but they're not the second coming of the Messiah or the one who parted the Red Sea. My wife gets annoyed with the media, including Chris Wheeler, constantly hyping them and now refers to Wright as Jesus and Reyes at Moses because of this awful lovefest.

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Boo:
I love how Mets fans relentlessly boo Jimmy Rollins and Pat Burrell; it's rather amusing considering how J-Roll and "The Bat" have played so well against them this year. Burrell is the Met-Killer with 41 homeruns off of Mets pitching so far in his career, and Jimmy has been doing his best to make the Mets believe that the Phils "are the team to beat in the NL East". So go ahead and keep the boos raining down on them, they'll continue to kick you in the balls...oops, I meant vagina.

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Tease:
ESPN senior writer, Howard Bryant, wrote a piece about how the Phillies are the biggest tease in all of baseball. In 6 out of the last 7 seasons the Phils have come oh-so-close to the postseason, but have yet to taste that sweet champagne. This season is still to-be-determined, but Phils Phans and people all around the country feel as though they will come up just short again. Teasing can be fun, but only when you actually get some in the end.

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SmackDown:
I hate New York, I hate the Mets, and I hate Mets fan. People from NY hate Philly, hate the Phils, and hate Phils fans. All things are equal, we all hate each other and that's what a rivalry is all about. Yesterday the rivalry went a step farther when Marlon Anderson outraged over a called 3rd strike argued with the umpire thus getting ejected and then proceeded to throw a hissy fit ending with him throwing his batting helmet. The batting helmet hit catcher Chris Coste in the chest protector and Coste thought it would be funny to discharge the helmet from the homeplate area via a good kick. When Coste booted Marlon's helmet, Shea Stadium lit up with boos. Next time Coste needs to lay the smackdown on Marlon's bitch-ass!

~Carson