Saturday, March 31, 2007

92

Brace yourself...The Philadelphia Phillies will win the NL East in 2007 with a 92-70 record and proceed to dominate in the playoffs, finishing up October with a World Series championship. Before you try to slap my image silly with your mouse cursor, please let me entertain and illuminate you as to why I am predicting this. The 92 wins are based on a exceedingly complex mathematical formula that I devised and accounts for statistical projections, my intuition/hunch/gut feeling, a Magic 8-ball, a Ouija board, and a time machine. If you remember, it is me that predicted 85-86 wins last year, so you best believe me now. By the way, for today only I am known as Pythagoras.

Starting 8:
1B- Ryan Howard. Let me break this down so that even Charlie Manuel could comprehend, this man is a beast! However, I do not expect Howard to duplicate his monster season of '06 (that's not pessimistic, it's realistic). I do foresee MVP like numbers though once again- .290 AVG, 45+ HR, 125+ RBI...I'll take that. Something else to look for, improved defense at firstbase from the Mammoth.
2B- Chase Utley. He is my prediction for 2007 NL MVP. I know others may put up gaudier stats, but the Phils are winning the World Series and the world is going to see that Utley is their leader. Call me crazy, but he could possibly blast 40 longballs this year.
SS- Jimmy Rollins. Last year will be his career year for "power", but don't worry he will still jack about 18. This is the season Rollins puts it all together and bats for average, takes walks to increase on base %, gets his extra base hits, steals bases, and scores tons of runs.
3B- Wes Helms. It felt oh so good not to type David Bell after that "-". Helms will do just fine with the bat. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised to see him put up .290 AVG, 23 HR, 85+ RBI, it's the mitt we're worried about. Hopefully Helms is adequate enough at manning the hot corner so that Fuqua isn't tempted with starting No-Hit Nunez there instead.
C- Rod Barajas. I was unhappy with this signing at first, but I am liking it more and more as time goes by. Barajas has decent pop in his bat and is a quality defensive backstop and calls a good game.
LF- Pat Burrell. Many of us are Burrell fans and want nothing more than for him to succeed. He'll hit homeruns and get his RBI's, but I expect a repeat of last season.
CF- Aaron Rowand. Love his hard-nosed style play, hate his bat. He's looked horrible all spring and I just don't see him turning it around. In my eyes, he's a .250 hitter with poor on base skills, and average extra base potential. Trade him for a quality setup man!
RF- Shane Victorino. Expect a breakout season from this guy. I expect him to have double-digits in doubles, triples, homeruns, and stolen bases, not to mention scoring a butt-load of runs while playing Gold Glove worthy defense.

Rotation:
1. Brett Myers. He is ready to harness all of that angst and take it out on opposing teams. He's the ace, and he will win 20 games and the NL Cy Young (I'm being serious).
2. Cole Hamels. He will continue to experience peaks and valleys until he establishes himself on the inner-half of the plate against righties, but he will still win a fair share of games with plenty of k's.
3. Jamie Moyer. Grand Pappy will do exactly what we expect, which is pitch 200 innings with a mid-4 ERA and do Junior Dick-Dick Dubee's job (pitching coach).
4. Adam Eaton. If he stays healthy the entire season, it quite truly would be divine intervention and the Phillies will certainly win the World Series. I don't know what the hell to expect from Eaton honestly.
5. Freddy Garcia. Lets all take a moment to pray that we didn't get bamboozled in this trade. We NEED a healthy Garcia to give us a minimum of 30 starts.

Bullpen:
Closer- Tom Gordon. As is the case with Eaton, if Gordon manages to elude the DL, the baseball gods are smiling on us.
Swingman- Donut-Eater. Lieber is still on the team, so I'm assuming he pitches long relief and spot starts. In the best case scenario, he ends up becoming a lights out reliever and steps in as a setup man.
The Rest- Clay Condrey, Ryan Madson, Geoff Geary, Matt Smith, Antonio Alfonseca. Wow, what a crap-heap! This group could suprise us though, here's how- Madson returns to '04 form, Geary replicates last season, Smith continues his MLB success, Condrey finds a way not to suck, and Alfonseca pitches like he did when he was closing.

Bench:
Jayson Werth, Chris Coste, and Carlos Ruiz will probably all receive playing time as the receiver during the season. I love Ruiz's batting potential and Coste was awesome last year. Werth will also backup corner outfield along with Greg Dobbs who was scorching hot this spring. Abe Nunez, whom I detest, will be the primary infield replacement player. The speedy Michael Bourn has a chance at making the squad and would be a useful pinch-runner and defensive replacement in the outfield.


Waiting:
Pitchers- Eude Brito, Fabio Castro, Zack Segovia, Brian Mazone, Ryan Cameron, and Brian Sanches. Joe Bisenius looks primed and ready now, and I predict he will be in the Phils 'pen within a month and become a reliable cog for Manuel to use.
Positional Players- Danny Sandoval, Brent Abernathy, Jason Jaramillo, Ron Calloway, Lou Collier, and Chris Roberson.



Don't bother reasoning with me, I'm too hopped up on hope to opt out of my optimism.

~Carson

Friday, March 30, 2007

Phillies Phlashback Phridays: Ricky Williams

I bet I have some of you scratching your heads right now, pondering "I don't remember any Ricky Williams playing for the Phillies." Well, you're sort of right and sort of wrong. The Phillies drafted Ricky Williams, yes the pot-head, back in 1995 in the 8th round. Although he never saw time at the MLB level he did play outfield for the Batavia Muckdogs (a Phillies Class A affiliate) back in 1998 with a .283 AVG, 7 R, 3 RBI, 6 SB, and .597 OPS. As you can see, we weren't exactly missing out on anything when Ricky opted for football over baseball. TheBaseballCube has this listed on his player page, "Ricky is better known as an NFL player for the New Orleans Saints and Miami Dolphins as compared to his baseball career." I tend to disagree, as I better know Ricky as a Mary J toking fool trying to get reinstated into the NFL so he can make more loot for more ganja. It's a shame Ricky didn't stick out his baseball career, as I'm sure Junior Dick-Dick Dubee (aka Richard Peter Dubee Jr.) would love to get in on that action.

Click it, F5 refresh it, Fire it up, Come along and take a hit from the blog. Hits from the blog, Can I get a...hit? Hits from the blog.
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Just Say NO!:
*Rumor has it that the Phils are contemplating shipping an "excess catcher" to the Cardinals for Ricardo Rincon. Rincon is a left-handed specialist that really isn't all that special. I'd hate to see Carlos Ruiz or Chris Coste traded in haste for waste.
*Francisco Rosario is a wanted man, but not by Toronto...by our beloved Phillies. Gillick is high on this relief pitcher and he is a fire-baller that may be useful down the line, but he still is in need of polishing.
*The Philadelphia Inquirer is reporting a David Bell siting outside the executive offices at Citizen's Bank Park. My guess he was groveling to be offered a minor league contract by the Phillies then officially "retire" (ala Doug Glanville).

~Carson

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Recap

Yesterday was a crazy day. WSBGM's was busy celebrating its 1 year inception into the blogsphere, while the Phillies were making news of their own. I'm a bit shocked and happy at the same time about some of the moves made, and here's why...

1. #5 will bat 5th- Pat Burrell sucked in August and September (remember sugarcoating a turd doesn't mask the fact that it's still a turd), and he's sucked this spring. So what is Manuel to do? Bat him 5th of course, right behind the reigning NL MVP as protection. Makes perfect sense to me, and I truly feel Burrell will rebound nicely- .225, 22 HR, 67 RBI...pschye! In all honesty, I think Burrell should bat 5th unless he struggles mightily for the month of April, in which I would then flip-flop Helms to 5th and Burrell to 6th. But Pat's our boy, he won't let us down.

2. K.G. hits the waiver wire. No, not Kevin Garnett...can you imagine him in a baseball uniform? Karim Garcia got the axe yesterday and I'm shocked. I believe Charles Fuqua Manuel to be an excellent talent evaluator and he had gone on record as to saying he thinks Karim was better than David Dellucci...so why the release then? I know why he was released, he's no good!

3. One of my fantasy baseball teams' namesake, Ugueth Urbina "Urbina's Alibi", was sentenced to 14 years in prison yesterday. Here in Philadelphia we love employing future criminals.

4. Greg Dobbs, Michael Bourn, and Chris Coste are left battling for 3 bench spots. Coste is just now returning from an injury compounded by an illness and probably isn't baseball ready quite yet. Dobbs has been a man on fire, and I can only hope this continues all season, because we're going to need him to be a quality pinch-hitters. Bourn is being groomed as the future starting CF and leadoff hitter of this team and his learning curve may be accelerated depending on the state of Aaron Rowand (injury or traded).

5. Freddy Garcia and Jon Lieber are both playing catch (aw, just like father and chubby kid) and are working their way back from injuries which aren't believed to be serious. Both may begin the season on the DL, but an April return is likely. This may lead to a spot start for Zach Segovia.

6. Brett Myers has been pitching like an ace in his last 2 outings, allowing ZERO runs. He's our #1 and brace yourself- he's going to win 20 games (27 to be exact).

7. Jim Ed Warden was offered back to the Indians and they welcomed him with open arms. Basically we just rented him for $25k. So much for all those back-wood redneck jokes I had lined up.

~Carson

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

1 Year

One year ago the Internet changed and would never be the same again...We Should Be GM's was introduced to the blogsphere. It's been an enjoyable journey making fun of the Phillies, riding the ups and downs of a treacherous season, forming new friendships, suffering through the boredom of the offseason, and just having a good old fashioned uninhibited time in general. In case you haven't been around the entire time, here's a brief recap of hi-lights from the past year.

Charles Fuqua Manuel is not a smart man. In fact, Corey and I have been amusing ourselves at his expense and have referred to him by many derogatory names such as retarded hick, dumbass, moron, bumbling slap-nut, and r-tard. We mean no offense to the mentally challenged community, but we're sorry to report that the Phils lead strategist is a member of your brain-trust.

Poor David Bell, traded away during last season's purge, and still getting made fun of relentlessly on this site. We can't help it, we have a quota to fill. The first joke ever made on here about him was in regards to him being less straight than Liberace, and I still have no doubt in my assessment of that situation...freakin' fairy-footed h-mo (once again, no offense of the gay community).


We created a niche for the sometimes forgotten and not so prevalent players of the Phillies past and gave them their own time to shine on Phillies Phlashback Phridays. Players that played for both the Pirates and Phillies even got a special nickname, Phucco.

Although, we do take time to recognize players from the past that weren't especially good or deserving of merit, we have zero tolerance for present day players lacking MLB ability. No-Talent Ass Clown charter member list: Danny Sandoval, Chris Roberson, Alex Gonzalez, and Abe Nunez & Gavin Floyd ( both mentioned below).

Signed to a 2 year multi-million dollar contract in the offseason of 05/06, Abe "No-Hit" Nunez has proven to be an utter waste of a roster space. It's hard to believe that someone could manage to suck worse than David Bell, but Nuni did just that. The man would come up with a score of zero on the whack-a-mole game and Chuckee Cheese. Jim Abbott swung a better stick. This child suffering from malnutrition has more power than Nunez...get the point?

Gavin Floyd may have forever ruined my view of a prospect. Floyd was a prospect that never panned out, in fact he flat-out tanked. I look at the starts the Headcase known as Gavin Floyd made last year and wonder what would have happened even if Ryan Franklin would have been in the rotation instead (playoffs?). When Gillick traded Floyd this offseason I was ecstatic. I am so harsh on the Headcase that I once said, "I'll offer a pen to him, and when he goes to sign his autograph, I'll tell him it's to put himself out of his misery and stab himself with"...ouch, that's cruel.

Looking back at our "accomplishments" I'm starting to think we're nothing more than juvenile idiots. However, although we're all about jokes and having a good time we also mix in reality while doing so. It's tough being a Phillies fan, as we've suffered many years of anguish, so mixing in humor to alleviate the pain is a good thing. Also remember, even an idiot can be a GM...look no further than David Littlefield, Ed Wade, and the soon to be added Pat Gillick.

Here's a tribute to the two men who kicked this entire thing off last March 28th- Rick Schu and our homeboy Steve Jeltz, we salute you!


~Carson

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Dispersed Droppings

Who's in our bullpen?
1. Tom Gordon, as I no longer will refer to him as Flash until he recaptures my trust. If healthy, he'll do a fine job locking down wins, but keeping him healthy like like keeping a batch of Sea Monkeys alive.
2. Ryan Madson- shh, he has actually pitched well this spring (1.86 ERA). The man has an excellent change-up, he just needs to be able to change it up with something else.
3. Antonio Alfonseca, aside from his 6 fingers, he really doesn't seem to have much to offer, but bottom line is we need him to perform well because Patty G didn't exactly stock the 'pen this offseason.
4. Gas-Can Geary, he's one of this blog's heroes and will continue to be so as long as he keeps pitching for the Phils.
5. Matt Smith? He's pitched like poop this spring, but he's going to be the lefty out of the 'pen as our relief troop is really more like a smelly diaper.
Questionable- Clay Condrey and Jim Ed Warden.
Sent Packing- Model Dictator Fabio Castro, Eude Brito, and spring success Joe Bisenius (1.80 ERA in 10 IP with only 4 hits surrendered and a 1.00 WHIP).

Candid Concerns:
*It's only spring training (a phrase I've heard one too many times), so I'm not overly concerned with Ryan Howard's struggles. However, Howard is concerned with Howard's struggles, which leads me to be concerned about Howard. Follow?
*My WSBGM's Phantasy League's starting 2nd baseman and buddy Bucco, Freddy Sanchez, is going to start the season on the disabled list due to a collision he suffered trying to turn a double play against the Phils about a month ago.
*Jayson Werth is our backup catcher? Yes, this seems to be the case. Rod Barajas is the starter and with Carlos Ruiz and Chris Coste ailing, that leaves the man who hasn't played in the Majors for the past 2 seasons as the backup. Werth has been seeing time behind the plate during the last week and is getting "readjusted". I think this is an injury waiting to happen.
*Rumors abound- the Pirates are up for trading their entire team, minus Jason Bay. Well, not really, but Ryan Doumit, Shawn Chacon, Humberto Cota, Nate McLouth, and Jose Castillo are all on the trade block.

~Carson

Monday, March 26, 2007

Donut-Eater

Sorry about yesterday's post, I was having one of my manic depressive mood swoons. Anyway, I'm here today to bring a smile to your face with the WSBGM's song parody of Maneater by Hall & Oates, aptly retitled Donut-Eater in honor of our chubby pitcher Jon Lieber. So kick back and relax with a cup of coffee or glass of milk and a few of your favorite flavors of donuts and enjoy (I'm partial to jelly-filled).


He'll only come out at feeding time,
The hefty and hungry type.
Nothing is new, I've seen him at Dunkin' Donuts before.
Watching and salivating,
He's sitting with you, but his eyes are on the dough.
So many have waited to see,
Just how fat this man could be.
The man is wild, a fat-cat tamed by the cream-filled.
He's getting fatter,
If you're in it to win, you ain't gonna get too far.

Oh here he comes,
Watch out boy he'll chew you up!
Oh here he comes,
He's a Donut-Eater.
Oh here he comes,
Watch out boy he'll swallow your glazed whole!
Oh here he comes,
He's a Donut-Eater.

Donukin' Donuts or Krispy Kreme,
This fatso is on our team.
He's deadly man, and he could really rip your Boston Cream apart.
Platter after platter,
The pitcher is there, but the fat is in the heart.

Oh here he comes,
Watch out boy he'll chew your arm off.
Oh here he comes,
He's a Donut-Eater.
Oh here he comes,
Watch out boy he'll eat the entire baker's dozen.
Oh here he comes,
The Donut-Eater!

~Carson

Sunday, March 25, 2007

The Plague

Beware, gloom and doom lies ahead...

Just a short month ago Jimmy Rollins was talking trash about how the Phillies were the team to beat in the NL East, fans were clamoring for a trade of the Donut-Eater because we needed relief and had 6 healthy starters, and spirits, hopes, and optimism were high. Fast forward to present time...we're in deep dookie!

I made a joke earlier in the week- "Like an infectious S.T.D. (just ask Burrell), once the injury bug bites one player more are to come as the disease spreads." Sometimes I truly hate being right. Freddy Garcia and Carlos Ruiz are both banged up and not ready for game action yet. Matt Smith, Geoff Geary, Chris Coste, and Tom Gordon are all a bit battered and bruised too. Wait, have no fear, Jon Lieber is still here. But just as Phillies fans have suspected for decades, God has smite us where we stand and alas Jon Lieber too has been infected by the plague.

Donut-Eater, who apparently has an oblique muscle in his belly along with the family of midgets he houses, has pulled said oblique muscle and now we're down to 4 starting pitchers. We were riding so high, we were ready to take on the world...smack, welcome back to the reality of being a Phillies fan.

Aside from injuries, it's not all warm and fuzzy like a blanket straight from the dryer, nope more like a Lifetime Original movie. In fact, this spring has been uglier than that girl you hooked up with after a case and a half of Natty Ice. Our pitching staff is in shambles, our offense has forgotten how to score runs, the defense still can't field, and our manager, well he's retarded.

Chicken Little put it best, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!". I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm finding a bomb shelter fully equipped with Twinkies and bottled water and hiding there until May.

~Carson

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Bring It On!

Showdown- Philadelphia Phillies vs. Atlanta Braves on April 2nd at 1:05 pm at Citizen's Bank Park.

Match-up- Brett Myers (54-40 4.34 ERA) vs. John Smoltz (193-137 3.27 ERA).

Key Players- Phillies: Jimmy Rollins (630 R .274 AVG 207 SB), Chase Utley (.290 AVG .867 OPS), and Ryan Howard(.304 AVG 1.023 OPS 82 HR 217 RBI in just 2 seasons)/Braves: Chipper Jones (357 HR 1197 RBI .304 AVG .944 OPS), Andruw Jones (342 HR 1023 RBI), and Brian McCann (.317 AVG .899 OPS).

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Taking Inventory:
*I was in Philly yesterday to see my sister graduate from the Art Institute of Philadelphia and went to a cool pub called the Nodding Head afterward to celebrate (which had an awesome display of bobbleheads). I then wake up this morning to read that Brett Myers gets the official opening day "nod" from Manuel...coincidence?
*We all know Abraham Nunez cannot hit, hence "No-Hit", but he is supposed to be able to field. Then why 3 errors already this spring? The man literally has ZERO value.
*Don't get alarmed it's only spring training, but our Master Blaster Ryan Howard is in a huge funk at the plate (.239 AVG with 16 K) and has been quoted several times as saying he's "dissatisfied" with his swing. Rowand (.172 AVG) and Burrell (.200 AVG) are also having a rough go of it this spring.
*Speaking of Fence-Face, smarty-pants Fuqua Manuel decided with his infinite wisdom to send Aaron Rowand on a 2-day mental holiday because of his struggles at the plate. I'm sure that will cure all, that Manuel, he's so smart.
*Greg Dobbs is the man. The dude is mashing the ball, and I love it. I know this most likely will not continue once April 2nd rolls around, but for now I'm salivating over his .372 AVG, 4 HR, 14 RBI, and 1.161 OPS.
*Our bullpen is a crap-heap, or as Skeeter would say- "our bullpen is a port-o-potty". Well put my friend.

~Carson

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Carson & Wheeler - BFF

Carson used to dislike Chris Wheeler. He once wished for a tape recorder so that he could “get an official count on how many lame things Chris Wheeler said" He said that Wheeler should ride "the short bus" because he was a "silly r-tard" and once suggested that he be "banished from the booth."

Then, suddenly, the tune changed. Chris Wheeler became his favorite announcer. I quote: “I'm going to embrace my inner-Wheeler and proclaim my undying love of his commentary and unwavering loyalty to him as a top-notch announcer.”

I was confused. How could this be? I tried for weeks to figure it out, and now I have. Apparently, this offseason, Carson and Wheels had their own little Hot Stove League, as they traveled together on a cross-country vacation. And to prove it, here are their vacation photos.

They started out in New York, off-Broadway in particular, as they starred in "Grease" for a few weeks.

Then to blow off some steam, they hit Orlando to relax at Disney World and spend some quality time with Pooh-bear. You can see the two buddies chillin' at the hotel pool below.

After that, they headed back north to Chicago where they performed as a Blues Brothers cover band for a while.

A stint as effeminent magicians on the strip in Vegas followed that.

The trip ended in happy San Francisco (first pic) where the two BFFs made their friendship official.


Keep it middle-in Carson, that's where Wheels likes it...

Corey

Bipolar

What would you like to hear first, the good or the bad news? Well, since I just popped my daily dosage of Prozac, I'll hit you up with some cheerful information.

Joyful Junk:
*Our starting outfield is Pat "P.I.M.P." Burrell in LF, Aaron "Fence-Face" Rowand in CF, and Shane "Tsunami" Victorino in RF. Jayson Werth is a shoe-in to be the 4th outfielder with Karim Garcia, Gregg Dobbs, and Michael Bourn battling for that last spot. When spring training first began I actually made a case for Chris Roberson to make the squad because of his defensive skills and speed on the base paths. It didn't take long for the Phils to figure out Roberson can't hit, but guess who can hit that also has the same positive attributes as him...Bourn. Bourn is hitting .341 this spring and just notched his 6th stolen base last night. I want Greg Dobbs on the bench because he can play corner infield, but Bourn can play CF and his speed is amazing. I bet you thought I was going to make a lame "Bourne Identity" quip...crap, I just did.
*Victorino, Utley, and Helms have been swinging hot sticks in the Grapefruit League and I expect this success to carry straight into the real season...because we all know the importance of spring stats by now.
*Eude Brito had his 2nd consecutive successful outing. He could be the useful longman in the bullpen we need. Why am I now mysteriously hungry for some Taco Bell?
*Rule 5 pick, Jim Ed Warden, has settled down recently and may actually land in the 'pen. I'm rooting for this guy because his name is so hick-ish that it will supply me with fuel for this blog.
*Tom Gordon pitched without discomfort, which is an accomplishment for the elderly reliever. Somebody please get this man some Geritol.
*Jon Lieber has been sentenced to the bullpen, more on this on the flip-side.

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Depressing Daggers:
*Any time you trade complete crap, in this case the Headcase known as Gavin Floyd, for a proven winner and workhorse, Freddy Garcia, you have to suspect something is fishy. Phillies fans were harshly smacked in the kisser with that reality yesterday as Freddy Garcia was pulled from his start early due to tightness in his right bicep. Oh Sugar-Snaps!
*Jon Lieber is back in the starting rotation. Donut-Eater, banished to the bullpen for all of 3 hours, was summoned back into the starting 5 because of the injury to Garcia. Hopefully Lieber can churn out 2 or 3 quality starts until Freddy is ready (ha, that rhymed) in turn increasing his trade value.
*Like an infectious S.T.D. (just ask Burrell), once the injury bug bites one player more are to come as the disease spreads. Carlos Ruiz is also banged up with a sore right shoulder and Chris "East-vs-West" Coste is nursing a hammy.

~Carson