Monday, December 10, 2007

Around The NL East

While the Phils try to unload Wes Helms, the other four teams in the NL East are busy making moves. Here's what has happened recently.

A few weeks ago there wasn't a thing to mention about DC, other than their new ballpark. Now, they have the most "gangsta outfield" in the major leagues.

First, they traded a minor league pitcher to the Devil, err, Rays for troubled youngster Elijah Dukes. He's a 23 year old outfielder who has hit for both power and average in his short minor league career. He's a real prospect. He's also pretty messed up. Since he was 14 years old, he's been arrested a half dozen times for drug possession, assault and resisting arrest, etc. This year, his ex-wife filed for a restraining order accusing Dukes of threatening to kill her. He sent a picture of a gun to her cell phone and left this message on her voice mail: "Hey, dawg. It's on, dawg. You dead, dawg. I ain't even bulls-------. Your kids too, dawg. It don't even matter to me who is in the car with you. N-----, all I know is, n-----, when I see your m-----f------- a-- riding, dawg, it's on. As a matter of fact, I'm coming to your m-----f------ house." During their divorce proceedings, she accused Dukes of drinking heavily, smoking weed daily, and using steroids. Oh, and he also is accused of impregnating a 17 year old girl who was living with a family member. Straight gangsta.

Thinking Dukes wasn't enough of a mess, they traded Brian Schneider and Ryan Church to the Mets for Lastings Milledge. Milledge has been in Mets trade rumors seemingly for this entire decade, and was previously thought of as close to untouchable. Of course, that was before he was promoted to the majors in '06 and proceeded to alienate many fans and most of his teammates. "In late September, one of Milledge's Mets teammates placed a sign on his locker which read, "Know Your Place, Rook!" The sign-placer was identified in published reports as Billy Wagner." This year, Milledge rapped on a song called "Bend Ya Knees" with friend Manny D, where he talks about his "bitches" and "hos." Not that it wasn't bad enough, it was released at the same time that Don Imus was making nappy-headed comments on WFAN. Nice. He should get along swimmingly with Elijah, dawg.

Wily Mo Pena is the third outfielder. He's about 6'3", 250 pounds, and hits homers like 900 feet. Very menacing. However, in 2007 Pena "and his MoPeace Foundation teamed up with Joslin Diabetes Center’s Latino Diabetes Initiative for the Beisbol y Salud Latino Diabetes and Health Festival to educate Latino men, women and children about type 2 diabetes." ( That's not very gangsta, but at least he looks tough...

Sadly, it looks as if there is no room for Sloth in this years Gnats outfield.


New York
I mentioned earlier that the Mets gave up Milledge and got Schneider and Church. Schneider always seems to kill the Phillies, but doesn't do much else against other competition. He'll compete with ex-Phil Jonny Estrada for catching duties. As for Church, he can't really hit lefties, but does fine against righties. He's an average player that could help the Mets a little. Overall, I think the Mets took a loss on Milledge, given his value just one year ago.

The Mets are still in on Santana, I guess. Rumor says they would have to part with Jose Reyes, which I doubt they would do.

Other names being linked to Mets interest: Damaso Marte, Luis Vizcaino, Japanese RHP Kazuo Fukumori.

Also, looks like pedophilic catcher Paul LoDoucha will most certainly be elsewhere next year. Awwww.
Andrew Miller and Cameron Maybin might be star players some day, at which point Florida will trade them. Or San Antonio, or Las Vegas, or Portland, or SLC, or Charlotte, or wherever the "Marlins" will be playing, will trade them.

Now, the Marlins lineup is Hanley Ramirez and 8 other guys. Of course, they are manuevering for Wes Helms and Abe Nunez, so watch out for the Fish.
The Braves got 5-ERA reliever Will Ohman and utility player Omar Infante from the Cubs for a minor league pitcher. Ohman is kind of sucky against righties, but lefties only hit .196 against him. The Phils, particularly Howard and Utley, should see quite a bit of Ohman next year.

Other players linked to the Braves: outfielders Coco Crisp, Reggie Willits, Chris Duffy, Nate McLouth and catcher...Sal Fasano?



GM-Carson said...

Wow- that Gnats outfield would give NWA a run for their money- F the Police!

SirAlden said...

Busta cap in your *ss. That's a three run homer M******F*****!

The Greys are going to be better.

Braves moves are interesting.

Mutts should be ashamed so far.

Top flight post WSBGMs!

SirAlden said...

The Marlins should be contracted the way they threatened to with the Expos.

GM-Carson said...

The Marlins are a minor league prospect team for the American bastards!

SirAlden said...

From the Onion

October 06, 2005

Antonio Alfonseca Once Again Leads Major-League Relievers In Fingers

MIAMI—Florida Marlins pitcher Antonio Alfonseca dominated the MLB in appendages for the ninth straight year, finishing the 2005 season with a league-leading 12 fingers. Alfonseca, who made his debut with the Marlins in 1997 and wasted no time making this particular statistical category his own, led the NL for almost the entire season, only falling into a close second during an unusual two-week period in mid-August. Alfonseca's performance will trigger a $1 million bonus, as the Marlins signed him to an incentive-laden, oft-criticized, finger-enumeration-based contract. "Antonio has been through a lot this season, including some elbow problems and a trip to the DL," manager Jack McKeon said. "But in the end, he just went out there and had a lot of fingers." There was once again a tie for second place behind Alfonseca, with 214 pitchers amassing 10 fingers each, followed by Bob Wickman, who finished last with 9.7.

GM-Carson said...

Corey- love the new Icon at the top of our page- sweet!

Corey said...

i have the stomach flu and am home sick today, and some of the blog formatting needed some work, so...

furiousBall said...

Corey are you pooping a lot?

GM-Carson said...

Have fun with it bro, I like what I see so far.

Corey said...

i think abe nunez is in my toilet...

GM-Carson said...

Well then you either just grounded into an inning-ending double play in your shitter or popped up your poop.

Jarex said...

Not to toss out a trade thought, what with all the poop talk going on, but what do you think it would take to get a guy like Freddie Sanchez for 3B? He's a contact guy you could slot batting 2nd, 6th or 7th.

Bob D said...

Corey needs to flush the He who should not be named, before it stinks up the house. My son has had a case of the Nunez-arehia this weekend as well. It was coming out both ends.

I will skip any Gnats games this year with that OF.
I may watch a AA Fish game - should be a 12-3 contest most nights.
The Mets/Mutts are doing about the same as the Phightins with trades/signings. The Lidge trade does stand out the most.
And facing the Braves hopefully it will be Oh Man! did you see that bomb! instead of Ohman just struck him (Howard/Utley) out again.

Well anyway got go clean up some more Nunez-arehia off the porcelin pot. Hopefully the fish can get a case of the Helms too.

GM-Carson said...

I think next year's Phillies outfield will be pretty gangsta...wait, I meant shitty not gangsta.

I'm starting to get the feeling Gillick may be done with the roster except for crappy minor league signings and things of that nature. I don't foresee another starter being added- unless it's some shitbag like Brett Tomko...yuck! Pat seems to like our 3rd base situation- I hate it! Snelling will most likely be Werth's platoon partner.

Bob D said...

Gnats land LoDuca! - another reason to avoid thier games.

Mench was designated for assignment. He may be a decent pick up, but there will be a need for a LH bat in the OF unless Snelling/Dobbs will be counted there.

I want to start the rumor of Eaton for anyone named Santana!

BloodStripes said...

Ezy motherfucken E!

Wait for the Phils to make a run at Colon or Jennings.

New banner is choice bro!

Ryan said...

I don't know if any of you caught the ridiculous rumor of Mussina to the phillies over on but even funnier was a commenter in the post suggesting Mussina and Melky for Ryan Howard. Highlight of my all-nighter tonight!

GM-Carson said...

I'd take Moose off the Yanks hands if they through Matsui in the deal and took an Abreu-esque shit-o-rific package in return.

SirAlden said...

Joe Crede, and Morgan Ensberg may be non-tendered. Mike Lamb was already non-tendered.

Taking on Mora as a salary dump while throwng Madson, Kendrick, and the entire minor leagues at Orioles, for Bedard is my current wett dream.

I noticed that the Phillies signed
Jake Blalock back to AAA, and maybe we have a shot at his brother Hank, who would require a trade.

Not too worried we will get our replacement level 3B man who can field. The team is really one Dominant Starter away, the rest can be found.

SirAlden said...

Add Brandon Inge as well to the list if Detroit pays 2/3s of the salary.

Corey said...

ONLY if the tigers pay 2/3. we already have guys that can hit .236...