Thursday, December 20, 2007

12 Days of Christmas- Phillies Style

Last year Scrooge McCorey went bah-humbug all over the blog in his version of the 12 Days of Baseball. Corey makes it no secret that he detests Christmas- the presents, the carols, the decorations, the festivities...all of it. Me, I'm the polar opposite, as I'm overly enthusiastic in terms of the Holiday Season. We're like the Ying & Yang that helps balance the blogsphere. Anyway, a year has past and I feel it's time to update last year's edition, so here's Santa Carson's rendition of the 12 Days of Christmas.

On the 12th day of the season,
the Phillies gave to me...
12 over-produced Jim Thome bobbleheads,
11 painful Freddy Garcia starts,
10 measely rbi from Rod Barajas,
9 errors from Wes Helms at 3rd base,
8 inches of Greg Dobbs' sideburns,
7 straight wins over the Mets,
6 fingers of Alfonseca,
5 Pat Burrell illegitimate kids,
4 walks for Chris Coste,
3 playoff losses,
2 middle fingers for Jose Mesa,
1 Ryan Howard stolen base,
and 0 homeruns from No-Hit Nunez.

_________________________________

Phillies PhastPhorward Phriday:
After being relatively quiet on the player movement front for the past month, Patty G has spiked the eggnog with the signings of Chad Durbin and Geoff Jenkins. In my opinion, the Phils are now 2 Durbins too many, but hey- at least he's insurance for the 5th spot in the rotation. Jenkins is a smart move, despite 2 years and $13 million, as he's a perfect bosom buddy for Jayson Werth in right field. Like an elf in Santa's workshop, Gillick may be done tinkering with the Phillies 2008 roster. I still see room for improvement though, namely in the areas of 3rd base, relief, and 5th spot in the rotation.

Starting Lineup:
1. Jimmy Rollins (S)
2. Shane Victorino (S)
3. Chase Utley (L)
4. Ryan Howard (L)
5. Pat Burrell (R)
6. Geoff Jenkins (L)/Jayson Werth (R)
7. Greg Dobbs (L)/Wes Helms (R)
8. Carlos Ruiz (R)/Chris Coste (R)

Bench:
Eric Bruntlett and Chris Snelling. Crackhead, Chris Roberson, is left like a booger on your finger- ready to be flicked off.

Starting Rotation:
1. Cole Hamels (L)
2. Brett Myers (R)
3. Kyle Kendrick (R)
4. Jamie Moyer (L)
5. Chad Durbin (R) or Adam Eaton (R)

Bullpen:
1. Brad Lidge (R)
2. Tom Gordon (R)
3. J.C. Romero (L)
4. Ryan Madson (R)
5. Clay Condrey (R)
The last 2 spots in the 'pen will be some combo of Chad Durbin, Adam Eaton, JD Durbin, Shane Youman, Mike Zagurski, Travis Blackley, Lincoln Holdzkom, or Fabio Castro. If the bullpen stays this way, I will give Sir Patrick an atomic wedgie so bad that he'll need his underwear surgically removed from his anus.

~Carson

23 comments:

GM-Carson said...

I read the Chad Durbin contract is for 1 year and $900,000...that's a good contract. He can start or relieve. He's not very good, but he's actually an upgrade over some of the shit we ran out to the mound last season.

GM-Carson said...

Per Phillies.com- JD and Chad Durbin will compete for the 5th spot in the rotation along with Adam Eaton and Travis Blackley.

It also notes the search for a starting pitcher and hitter are done, with the only addition Gillick is looking to make in the way of another lefty for the 'pen.

SirAlden said...

" 3rd base, relief, and 1st spot in the rotation" .

SirAlden said...

Why would anyone believe Pat Gillick about anything being done...

He is super smart, he does not want to ever INFLATE the market. With LOWELL he swooped in, said... want to do this quick with one more year?

Yes or no. That is the way he works. That way players cannot play him.

There is a normal budget, and then there is a over the top budget, if he gets a shot at something great he can use the over the top budget.

He will not use it on so so stuff.

SirAlden said...

Crede

Mora, Bedard

Beltre

Akinori Otsuka, Kris Benson

Can all happen. I think at least one will.

furiousBall said...

i think we need to take a risk some where in free agency, whether it's with a beltre trade or most likely with a starter coming off injury (benson)

BenJah said...

hey corey, it's you and me, bro! i can't stand christmas. what a stupid holiday. and people flip out during this time of joy and festiveness trying to get the last elmo doll for some fuckn brat who doesn't know what the fuck it is anyway.

i've found the best way to deal with it is to work. i've worked 9 of the last 10 christmases. i figure, it gives me something to do to avoid the holiday, and sends other people home. i mean, just b/c i hate the holiday, doesn't mean i can't facilitate the spirit. just don't wish me a merry and everything will be fine.

GM-Carson said...

Benjah- I'm not trying to be a dick or anything, but you are Jewish right?

BenJah said...

carson -- you are NOT a dick, except when you bash NJ. actually, i'm impressed you remembered

my mother is jewish, but i detest hanukkah even more. it's not even a relevant holiday in the religion. non jews make it a big deal b/c it happens around the same time as christmas, and now it's just a part of american culture. i hate christmas, but it bothers me even more than most people attribute that to being from a jewish family. my dislike for christmas is solely based on christmas. truth be told, i hate all december holidays, and if you wanted to be technical, while my mother is jewish and my father is some kind of random protestant, i consider myself to be hindu.

funny story, last christmas someone wished me a merry and i said (politely) that i didn't celebrate the holiday. he said in a very snotty way, "what are you?? jahova's whitness??" i got annoyed and said, "no it's worse, i'm a jew." and he didn't skip a beat. he said, "a jew!!?? really?? in my town i saw one of those....those candle things. whadaya call it??" i just walked away.

GM-Carson said...

My soon-to-be-brother-in-law is Jewish. I work with black people. I'm white. My mom is Christian. I love Chinese food...basically who gives a shit?! All people are equal in my eyes, so I don't understand why we get all uptight about diversity.

GM-Carson said...

Just so you all know, I was not trying to bash Jews- I stepped into these sticky waters and now I realize I may have come off as anti-semitic...not my intent at all.

Bob D said...

First NJ now religion. Uhg! When will all of the calamity stop?

I hate PA, not really but I wanted to bash the anti-NJ bloggers (Corey). I really dis-like NY'ers as they irk me. Especially on the GS Parkway.

Well anyway, Merry Geoff Jenkins signing day! And too all a good Durbin.

BenJah said...

carson, i didnt take it as anti-semetic, and i don't think you are.

clearly we all needed to get a little angst off our chests recently, and i think we'll all be better, more well-adjusted bloggers for it. really, the world is a beautiful place, with the only really problems being people rooting for the mets and siralden over-posting.

GM-Carson said...

Our old buddy Doug Glanville weighs in on the Mitchell Report- http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=3162061

Jacobin said...

I love Christmas. I'm Catholic. I don't generally talk about religion. I want someone decent to play 3B this year.

SirAlden said...

We need:

Akinori Otsuka

Damaso Marte

Skeeter said...

hahahah Carson I saw people giving you shit for calling Roberson a crackhead over at beerleaguer. Saying your a racist and all. Amazing...the level of how uptight and serious some assholes can get in this country makes me laugh sometimes.
.
.
and for the record, he does look like a crackhead...but then again I'm a raging racist (intense sarcasm intended)

I'm just like you buddy: Equal Opportunity Hater

Skeeter said...

but onto baseball... I keep wondering what is more important for us: bullpen or rotation.

With the way our offense can score runs, I feel that holding a lead is so vital for our season. And since our bullpen (port-o-potty) couldn't do that last year until September, I feel we need AT LEAST one more strong reliable arm in the pen. We got some callups we can use in our rotation midway through the season should someone go down with injury. But a sturdy bullpen is more difficult to fix halfway into the year.

Give me something good for the 'pen Patty

Jarex said...

question regarding Hinduism and being a Phillies fan: where do the two faiths overlap in terms of their take on suffering? Just wondering, but they seem like a natural match.

Bob D said...

I take it that we have 2 Durbins we will not have a Benson? In that case Travis Blackley may have the edge for the 5th spot with everyone else as backups.

And we are unlikely to pickup a 3rd baseman either.

BloodStripes said...

Christmas is st Nick and coca-cola gone nuts. Jesus wasn't even born in december. Think about. If the sheperds were out under the stars tending sheep it could not have been december. This time of year they are in the pen. The sheep pen. Which is what the Phillies have. Not many bulls thats for sure. We need to trade a couple of sheep for a bull and upgrade the pen some more.

I'm with Siralden. Otsuka would be a top pickup. Marte would be an alright upgrade.

Looking at the lineup Carson posted you gotta love it. Its still fearsome enough. Just need a couple of damn bulls in the pen.

Speaking of religion.....

There is only one god.....Jah Rastafari....King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Conquering Lion of the Tribe of Judah,Root of David,JAH Rastafari,Haile Selassie I.

Pass the koutchie!!! Ahh yes, luv de ganja mon!

Happy pagan festival. I mean christmas.

SirAlden said...

wow.

GM-Carson said...

I need to post a new piece on the blog pronto, the discussion on here (me being at fault) is going nowhere fast.