Monday, October 15, 2007

Lord Voldemort = Abe Nunez

After 2 seasons of pure hell, the demon has been exorcised- NO MORE NO-HIT NUNEZ!!! While donning a Phillies uniform the Hitless Wonder performed magical feats of futility with the stick- batting a horrendous .221, in 259 games, spanning 574 at bats, with less power than a dead 9-volt battery- 20 doubles, 3 triples, and 2 measly homeruns; and don't forget his 17 batting into double plays. The man sucked at the plate, and his glove was not spectacular enough to overcome is ineptitude of handling the bat. Out of fear of him coming back to the Phillies via a minor league contract or even a minor league managing assignment in the future, we will no longer speak his evil name (No-Hit Nunez), rather he will be referred to as He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, because just like Harry Potter being terrified of Lord Voldemort, Abe Nunez scares the bejebus outta me. Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, and good bye!

~Carson

13 comments:

Jacobin said...

Aren't we giving too much credit to Nunez to compare him to the ultimate evil in the Harry Potter universe? I mean, Voldemort is to Harry Potter as Vader and the Emperor are to Star Wars. If I was going to nominate someone to be represented by Voldemort, it would be Bill Giles. The franchise went completely in the shitter when that guy took over from the Carpenters... and then it stayed in the toilet except for one magical season where every drunkard and lunatic had career years all at once (ah... 1993, the memories).

Bill Giles = Anti-Phillie devil.

GM-Carson said...

He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named put on a digusting display of so called offense during his Phillie tenure. I get nauseous any time I think of him.

GM-Carson said...

By the way, it's interesting to see that more people would actually want Lowell instead of Atkins. Atkins would dominate at the Brick Cit House, same numbers if not better than at Coors.

furiousBall said...

Did you just make a Harry Potter reference? You better start manning up this blog pronto.

I need to get back to ironing my panties...

GM-Carson said...

I like Harry Potter, I'll admit it. Good reads, decent movies.

I guess I'll have to make fun of gays and post some boobies tomorrow in order to "man up".

SirAlden said...

Atkins is the future - Lowell is the past. Atkins was Chase Utley's best man at his wedding. After Cabrera, Atkins is the man.

Does anyone know the video url that we were watching MLB games in Sept? I lost it. You can get NFL too.

Thanks.

SirAlden said...

http://philliesblog.blogspot.com/

Is posting tomorrow on Santana to the Phillies.

Santana or Willis or Schilling with Myers in the rotation Or Bust!

Buh bye Eaton - who btw is so much worse that he who shall remain nameless. That is who you should be vomiting over.

SirAlden said...

Ever notice that you vomit over hispanics more and let white guys slide?

Have a bad Taco Bell Experience?

SirAlden said...

Marlins to deal Dontrelle or Cabrera?

The Marlins, who are very open to making a major trade, have made pitching their clear-cut No. 1 priority but also will try to sign a veteran free agent catcher who works well with a young staff. Unless payroll rises much beyond $30 million -- nothing's set but the Marlins have given no reason to expect that -- it will be difficult to keep both Dontrelle Willis and Miguel Cabrera, instead of one -- and upgrade elsewhere. They figure to combine for nearly $20 million in arbitration, with Cabrera projected for $11 million. With the Marlins planning to keep payroll low until a proposed new stadium opens, both likely will be gone by free agency in November '09. Ballpark talks, incidentally, keep taking one step forward, one step back. So if one of the two is dealt, who's more likely? Depends on the offers. -- Miami Herald

BenJah said...

"atkins is the future - lowell is the past"

siralden, you are brilliant.

what a classic philly move it would be to grossly overpay for lowell and shilling when they are both a decade past their prime. here's hoping they don't do that.

Reagan316 said...

Who will play defense at third base now in the late innings?!?! Now that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is gone, I'd like to reflect on one of his great moments.

I was actually in attendance for one his two home runs in the two, powerful seasons he played here. He hit back-to-back jacks with another great offensive superstar. Lest we forget Sal Fasano. Then we got rolled up by the Cardinals 9-2.

GM-Carson said...

That in and of itself is amazing that Sal Fasano and He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named went back-to-back in a game and that was the only runs the Phils scored. I vaguely remember that game Reagan, thanks for that info.

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