I spent last night behind bars because of Adam Eaton. Thank goodness for lifelong buddy Corey, or I may still be in the dank cell in Philly...he posted my bail. Don't worry bro, I'll pay you back later. Why was I arrested? How was it Adam Eaton's fault? Here's how the story goes...
My ever mounting hatred of Adam Eaton reached its apex last night after allowing 6 runs in less than 4 innings. I couldn't take it anymore, the man is a disgrace to a Phillies uniform, he is pitching so crappy that he'd be released if it weren't for his outlandish 3 year 24.5 million dollar contract. Patty G was even quoted after the game as to saying, "Yeah, he sucks. I should have never signed him, but hindsight is 30-30." Wow, he's as retarded as Manuel! Anyway, back to the story, so after watching Charlie take the ball from Eaton's limp hand in the top of the 4th, I hopped in my car and headed down to the stadium in a fit of fury. There I waited for about 3 hours for the opportunity to take back what's ours...the Phillies money. See, in all honesty, I thought I was doing the honorable thing that any upstanding law abiding citizen would do, but the cops didn't see it that way. I was lurking in the depths of the night darkness behind a black Hummer when I saw Eaton emerge from the clubhouse tunnel. I quickly encountered him and demanded he retire. He must of thought I was drunk, because he chuckled and asked if I had a pen...like I wanted an autograph from this no-talent ass-clown. Well, turns out I did want an autograph, so I let him sign my t-shirt with the Sharpie I had in my pocket, but that's not important to the story. After giving me his John Hancock (that's sounds dirty) he continued walking towards his vehicle, so I politely tapped him on his shoulder and demanded he retire once again. This is where it gets ugly...Eaton told me to "bug off" or something to that effect, and then I bitch-slapped him, took his wallet and car keys and sped off in his Porsche Cayenne. No, I wasn't robbing him, that's unethical and immoral, rather I was going to go max out his debit card and sell his Porsche on AutoTrader.com to try and get back some of the money he stole from the organization. Unfortunately, his Cayenne was equipped with the OnStar GPS tracking device and I was apprehended by the boys in blue before I got off the Schuylkill...damn traffic! And that my friends is how an angry blogger was arrested. Funny side note- my trial date is the same day as Jay Baller and Julio Mateo's.
P.S.- I'm not trying to get arrested for real, so in case you're retarded and read this thinking it's true or may happen, please know it was a farce.