Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Why?

Why is Jose Mesa in the Major Leagues? He undeniably sucks, and that's my objective opinion. Based on sheer facts alone (26 runs/21 earned surrendered in 23.2 ip) the man shouldn't be in a MLB bullpen or even the Mongolian Mink Molesters bullpen for that matter, but yet there is Charlie Manuel waving for him to come in and offer "relief". Thanks for walking in a run Jose, and that majestic blast from the bat of Carlos Lee was fun to watch as well...who cares about winning after all?

Why is Brian Sanches allowed to pitch? It's no secret that I think Brian Sanches is a Triple A pitcher at best and therefore shouldn't be stepping on MLB turf, but there he sits in the Phils bullpen ready to come in and issue bases on balls. In his brief career he's issued 22 walks in 30.1 innings pitched with a Rick Ankiel-like 9 in 9.1 ip this season. I don't understand where his wild side is coming from though, as he only walked 4 batters in 30 innings in Ottawa this season and 13 in 43.2 ip the season before. Must be the noteworthy job Rich Dubee is doing...

Why is Shane Victorino so literal? The "Flyin' Hawaiian" took flight last night with an Aaron Rowand-like reckless abandon. With the previously mentioned Brian Sanches laboring on the mound to throw strikes in the 7th inning of last night's game, Vic decided to make a crazy ill-advised leap into the Houston stands in an attempt to catch a foul ball. If he made the play, it would have been far more awesome than that rim-job Derek Jeter's seat biting play and would have possibly saved the game. But instead all Vic got were some bruised ribs and scared Phillies fans. Shane had this to say, ""When I was going after it, I wasn't thinking about hurting myself. I was trying to make the catch. After I looked at it, it was a stupid play."

Why do Phans think we have a shot at the playoffs this season? The Phillies record is a middle-of-the-road 42-41, our pitching staff is one of the worst in MLB, our manager has less brain capacity than a cloned gnat, and our GM throws away more money than a tv televangelist does on strippers.

~Carson

28 comments:

meech.one said...

Brian Sanches 4 Cy Young.

GM-Carson said...

Brian Sanches blows donkey dong!

*Great link from Sports Illustrated about the Phils upcoming 10k loss.

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2007/baseball/mlb/06/25/phillies0702/

Jarex said...

"Why do Phans think we have a shot at the playoffs this season?"

Phillies fans are by nature insane. That's the only thing I can think of.

GM-Carson said...

This franchise is becoming like the Chicago Cubs "the likeable losers". The Cubs have sucked off and on for some many years yet they draw great attendance...hello Philadelphia.

SirAlden said...

Looking forward to the Minor League World Series - sitting up all night in a lawn chair to get tickets to the Mongolian Mink Molesters vs. the Toledo Mud Hens.

SirAlden said...

When I come to the post page a pop up for UNSECURE Information always pops up, and the email and password must be typed out each time - no if you type the first letter the email pops up, is that within your settings to fix it gentlemen? Thanx.

SirAlden said...

Definately not a playoff caliber anything with 4 Experienced Pitchers counted on for 650+
Innings on the DL.

We are in a better place record wise then the last 2 years, we will be the in the playoffs if Myers rocks, Gordon is servicable, and we pick up 2 relievers in salary dumps.

If we are in it we will see a Marty Bystrom Sept out of Carusco.

I also liked A.J. Happ who was tippin' his change-ups. Say ommmmm rub your buddha beer belly and hope for divine grace.

The Phillies thanks to possibly the finest SS, 2B, and 1B in Phillies History for the next 4 years will be a glass which is half full, not half empty.

furiousBall said...

I think fan night should consist of handing out wiffle ball bats and letting us beat the ever-living fuck out of the relief staff. They could charge $10 a ($20 for Mesa) whack and donate the money to charity. We'd cure cancer in one night.

GM-Carson said...

I'm not one for violence, but I'm all for knocking the living crap outta our relief group...they're about as worthless as a penny in your pocket at the arcade.

Jarex said...

A few things here:

The Phillies will never be loveable losers. Phans hate them too much.

Speaking of phans: Every night should be phan night, with the same gift each time through the carousel: blind fold kerchiefs, to be donned as needed from the top-half of the 6th inning on, or whenever the first piece of skat oozes from the pen.

GM-Carson said...

Yeah, I suppose "loveable losers" was pushing it. More like "barely tolerable ass-clowns".

furiousBall said...

oooh, I've got a better promotion idea...

What if we blindfolded Ugueth Urbina, gave him a machette and let him loose in the bullpen?

Bob D said...

Our manager must be selling bumper stickers, I saw one of his it said"26+6=1". That has to be his math working there.

The only reason we have Mesa pitching for us is that he is not in prison like Urbina.

"Why do Phans think we have a shot at the playoffs this season?"

Because we still hold out hope that there will be a new manager by August.

michael said...

i don't think even Connie Mack could right this bullpen, don't blame Cholly for not being able to make filet mignon out of dog shit blame Gillick for this mess

Cavalier92 said...

I will not blame Charlie for the pitching staff. He can only make the wave to the guys that GIllick has put in unis.

When Alfonseca is your closer and some Polish surfer is your setup guy, things are bleak.

Still they are only 5 out!

Jacobin said...

The people in the bullpen are not Charlie's fault. The (mis)management and the way he (ab)uses the pitchers is his fault. Extra inning games are generally frightening as all hell because it means you'll be seeing Adam Eaton pinch hitting, and you know guys like Madson will wind up hitting for themselves in the 11th or 12th.

Luckbox said...

Why?

Since April 21st, we have the most wins in the NL.

And despite our pitching woes, we're, remarkably, 7th in baseball in quality starts and there is hope on the horizon if players return healthy and we can work a Moyer-like trade or two.

Why?

Because we prefer not to give up on the best offense in the NL when we're just 5 games out with a half season to play.

GM-Carson said...

This "most wins in the NL since April 21st" is getting annoying. I know we'd like to forget about the first few weeks of horrible baseball in April but unfortunately the baseball gods won't allow it. Also, here's a new one I'm throwing out- we're only 11-12 since June 8th...doesn't sound so fricken good now does it?!

By the way, Donut-Eater Lieber opted for surgery thus ending his season and most likely career with the Phillies.

Jarex said...

Victorino's batting 5th today - I love the guy, but he strikes fear in the heart of no one. If Howard doesn't K in each at bat, he'll walk.
Sort of a status-quo prediction.

Bob D said...

Jacobin, I agree with you. He does mismanage his pitchers. He will use 1 guy 4 games in a row, while another guy waits 5 days to pitch. See how quickly Myers got burnt out. That also brings the question up - why have that extra pitcher who doesn't get used? We should have Coste up here as 2nd best catcher/ extra pinchhitter/ 2nd best 3rd baseman on the team (behind Dobbs). Then Eaton will only need to pinch hit in the 12th inning not the 10th.

Bob D said...

I am phsyced most wins since April 21st. Most losses since 1890. (almost 10,000)

Jacobin said...

C@cks^ck!ng m@th@r f^@$!ng piece of shit first base umpire with his horseshit game thieving call! TOTAL BULLSHIT!!!! This ninth inning was going like total crap to begin with and then the umps give the ASStros a tie. Uncle Charlie argued and got tossed, at least he did something right. I AM SO FRIGGING PISSED RIGHT NOW!!!!

BENTZ said...

You know it is becoming obvious that you must need NO qualifications to be a major league umpire. I realize it's tough sometimes on bang-bang plays, but that's ridiculous. Lee was out by a foot and a half. I'll be honest, if I was Ryan Howard there is no way I'd still be in the game. Or any of the other Phillies on the field. Fortunately they kept their cool considering there were no position players left...DAMN IT!!!

Jacobin said...

Siegfried and Roy's Mets lost tonight too, we should have pulled another game closer at this point. I'm having flashbacks to that blown call to take away a homer from Utley in Washington.

Looks like Houston has a new "Killer B" to celebrate... Lance Barksdale, first base umpire and cocksucker extraordinaire.

Jacobin said...

I'm still steaming!! It's too late to call anyone and scream about this damn game. Oh, and I really enjoyed the moment where Victorino gets hit by a pitch and everyone notices that the team is out of bench players already. How long until Hamels or one of the other starters gets to pinch hit? Another masterful managerial job Fuqua!

I was falling asleep, now I'm wired awake. DAMN ASSHOLE UMPIRE!!! AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!

Jacobin said...

Fuck Jose Mesa. Fuck Lance Barksdale. I hope Joe Savery signs his contract soon, they may need to call him up in the next few weeks.

BloodStripes said...

Mesa sucks more than ever. One pitch, one home run, one loss.

GM-Carson said...

Charlie Manuel is a fucking retard! He burns through his bench too quickly. There's going to be a game this season where one of our pitchers ends up playing the field because of an injury and there's no bench left. That call was at a horrible time and so wrong. I understand bang-bang plays are hard to judge and I give the ump some leeway, but that was complete bullshit. I'd be like Carl Everett pushing that pussy ump or Robert Alomar spitting on him. The Phils are quite capable of losing on their own, they have a long storied history of it, they don't need assistance from a cock-gobbling ump.