Saturday, July 07, 2007

Vacation Predictions

I set sail this morning for a week long vacation at the beach, and it couldn't come at a better time with the Phillies causing me nausea with their on-field performance, and the All-Star break is next week and I don't give a flying two-fisted conquistador about it (it doesn't matter!). While I'm out of the office, Corey will be holding down blogging duties, so to our thousands of fans (ok, more like 12), have no fear, you can still get your Phillies fix here. Before I leave I'm going to make some predictions (some bold, some cold) and see which ones are true upon my return.

Vacation Predictions:

*The Phillies will ungracefully slip to sub .500, but Manuel will get a vote of confidence from fellow Mensa member Pat Gillick that his job is not in jeopardy.

*No-Hit Nunez will test positive for a performance enhancing drug, because if Neifi Perez is doing stimulants then you know Honest Abe hasn't been so truthful. So watch out Nuni, because urine...oops, I mean you're in a lot of trouble.

*The AL will prevail over the NL in the mid summer classic winning their 42nd All-Star game in a row.

*Ryan Howard will defend his Homerun Derby title and go on a 2nd half tear (sound familiar?).

*Jose Mesa will surrender a run during the All-Star break. If fact, Mesa will be credited with the NL's loss even though he's not on the squad...because he f'n sucks!!!

*Six-Finger-Ant will finally give birth. Get out of me belly!

*Charles Fuqua Manuel (sorry, can't say his full name enough) will make a piss-poor decision that negatively alters the outcome of the game.

*Brett Myers' and Tom Gordon's returns will be delayed yet again...estimated arrival June of 2010, consider them on backorder.

*Pat Burrell will be in the midst of a 23 game hitting streak (already at an astounding 2 games).

*Patty G will acquire some turd torpedo from the waiver crap heap and try to convince fans that said player will make a difference.

*Our bullpen will continue to have less value than a wheat penny.



SirAlden said...

Remember Carson - "Life's a beach!"

BloodStripes said...

Enjoy your trip Carson. Let it all hang out. No Phillies baseball for a wekk can only be a healthy thing. No stress.

BenJah said...

aaarrrrrrrrggghhhh!!!! when i went to bed, the score was 6-1! when i woke up, i find the phils lost 7-6 in 11 innings!! i hate loving this fucking team!!!

Bob D said...

At least Kendrick pitched better than your prediction yesterday of 6 run in 4 innings - almost sounds like the bullpen pitching. Have a good trip Carson, please don't even look at scores while gone maybe you will come back much more saner than the rest of us.

We must be at loss 9,998 by now. We can have that record by all star break if the bullpen tries hard.

Don't forget most people who rub that in our face we can also say we have well over 8000 wins - does your team have that? for most the answer is no.

Jacobin said...

Regarding your prediction of Gordon and Myers coming back in 2010, the Phillies are now saying that it's more realistic that those two will be back in August. Wow, I'm not sure if I should take this to mean that neither of these guys will pitch again or if the Phillies are finally telling the truth. The estimated return date of these guys has pretty consistently been that they would be ready in two to three weeks (and when you get within a week of that time, it moves back to be ready within another two to three weeks).

Lies, lies, lies...

furiousBall said...

there are wheat pennies that are pissed off you said that...

GreggyD said...

Wow...6 comments all day on this post. Now I know the quality of the blog hasn't diminished any. Obviously Phillies fans everywhere are just irritated and are speechless at how this team continues to falter even when they have a 6-1 lead going into the bottom of the 6th. I guess we have come to expect this.

I personally do not plan on going back down to CBP, because this squad just disgusts me too much.

Jacobin said...

Another loss... I won't be surprised when this team goes on a tear to climb back into the wild card race sometime late this month or in August. Nor will I be surprised when they wind up being 2-5 games out of the playoffs when all is said and done. It is amazing how consistent this team has been over the past few years with how they start off like shit, play themselves into contention and out of contention from May through August and then rally back to shouting distance of the playoffs... thus allowing the prick owners and moron front office mooks to offer up some lameass excuse as to why the team just needs a little tweaking (translation: cheaper bench and bullpen pieces) to get over the hump next year.

das411 said...

Nope, like Gillick said all along it would be 2008 that the team would be built to contend for, when we finally bring back that other #38 to at least get this team pissed off about getting their heads bashed in by the friggin' Rockies!!!

And which record will the team break first, the 10,000 losses or the 27 pitchers?