Mr. Hyde- Today is the day the Philadelphia Phillies turn things around for the better. Pat Gillick is an intelligent GM, and his offseason addition of Adam Eaton will be the guy that steps up and rights this ship. Last season began much the same way with a poor 1-6 record. Do remember though how nicely things ended, as we were in a race for the NL Wild Card up until the bitter end...now that's excitement.
Dr. Jekyll- Things are going to turn around for the better? Badda-bing Badda-bong, pass that stuff you be smoking over here brotha. How can you possibly be so naive? You got one thing right, this season is off to the same appalling beginning as '06 with identical loser 1-6 records. However, things didn't end "nicely". As I remember we still fell short of the ultimate goal which is to make it to the postseason.
Mr. Hyde- The offense is simply struggling right now, but we have far too many superstars on this team for them to continue in this lackluster fashion. I recall leading the NL in runs scored last season. Ryan Howard and Chase Utley are offensive forces to be reckoned with and their minion of Rollins, Burrell, Victorino, and the lot are stellar performers.
Dr. Jekyll- We have a bunch of individuals that put up nice numbers as a solo act, but don't seem to mesh as a team. The Phillies are not capable of situational hitting, but they are quite accomplished in the art of sh*tting. Besides, this offense would have to rack up 10+ runs a game to make up for what this pitching staff will surrender to the opposition. Look at our bullpen, you got an aged reliever named Flash that is barely a twinkle anymore and a bunch of guys that wouldn't make it on the Yankees Triple A roster.
Mr. Hyde- Our bullpen only accounts for a third of the game played, and there's enough talent out there that will get us by. Our dominant starting rotation will work well into the 6th, 7th, and 8th innings of ball games leaving little need for the bullpen. Flash Gordon has only appeared in 2 games this season, he'll be fine. Ryan Madson, Geoff Geary, and Antonio Alfonseca have all experienced success in the past and there's no tell-tale sign saying that won't happen again. Charlie Manuel and his coaching staff have the ability to get the most of their players because they take a friendly approach and treat these men like buddies, not just ball players. Through this coaching style Manuel is able to keep the players loose and their spirits up. The Phils are just bursting at the seems ready to explode on the Mets today.
Dr. Jekyll- You're just annoying me now! Are you trying to say retarded statements, or are you just plain dense? Our bullpen sucks, and that's putting it mildly, our offense as a collective group are a bunch of chokers, and our manager may be as foolhardy as a prison guard trying to make nice with Hannibal Lecter. The Phillies are failures, they have the most losses of any sports franchise in the history of sports...the freakin' Bad News Bears make us look deplorable.
Mr. Hyde- I do not like your tone, as I am trying to point out the positives of this team and you sit there tearing everything I say apart. What happened to your optimism, why do you have a calloused heart?
Dr. Jekyll- My soul has been devoured by the dastardly devil often referred to as the Phillies. I can't taking losing anymore. This team does have talent, but where is the desire? I'm sick of looking at this squad on paper and thinking that they should win...I need to look at them on the field and witness them win. I'm going crazy, I'm having night terrors and waking up in a cold sweat due to these bastards. I've become consumed with everything Phillies and my life will not be complete until they WIN!
At this moment Dr. Jekyll begins strangling Mr. Hyde, which essentially leads to the death of "both" of them.