Monday, April 02, 2007

Ring of Phire

In times of darkness when the weary soul needs lifted, the Man In Black is always there to soothe. Johnny Cash was a brilliant musician, and knew a thing or two about pain and suffering. I have remixed the lyrics to Ring of Fire to better suit the downtrodden Phillies fan, although they were only minor alternations as it's never smart to mess with perfection. I hope you can find comfort in the company of others that share in your misery. Come step into the ring of phire...



Ring of Phire
Love for the Phillies is a burning thing,
and it makes a fiery ring.
Bound by wild obsession and desire,
I fell in to a ring of phire.

I fell in to a burning ring of phire.
I went down, down, down,
and the flames went higher.
And it burns, burns, burns,
the ring of phire.
The ring of phire.

The taste of victory is sweet,
when fans like us meet.
I fell for the Phillies when I was a child.
Oh, then the fire went wild.

I fell in to a burning ring of phire.
I went down, down, down,
and the flames went higher.
And it burns, burns, burns,
the ring of phire.
The ring of phire.

_________________________________

All Phired Up:
*Dilemma #1- As most of you know, I received XM Satellite Radio for Christmas. When I turned my car on and tuned into this afternoon's game, the first pitch I hear is the 8th inning homerun ball to Edgar Renteria surrendered by stud ace pitcher Brett Myers. No biggie, only a tie game. Well, the last pitch I heard right before I pulled in the garage was the 10th inning 2 run bomb offering by Ryan Madson that lost the game. That's some messed up freaky stuff, and can be mostly likely explained as an ominous phenomena. I am now seriously considering either blowing up my car or smashing my XM radio. What is a Phan to do?
*Dilemma #2- My wife, who is carrying my baby, is a Braves fan. I know this sounds absurd with the fanatical intensity level I possess, but we make it work (at least she likes baseball). However, she crossed the line this afternoon as I walk downstairs to see her proudly and mockingly wearing her Chipper Jones jersey. Is divorce out of the question?
*Ryan Madson sucks. Really, he sucks. His career trend has went from promising young reliever ('04), to mediocre reliever ('05), to below average reliever ('06), to complete fart-knocker in '07. He is now on the Dead-to-Me list, and the person who said "it's not nice, to speak unkindly of the dead" is a dumbass!
*Charlie Manuel impressed me through 9 innings today. He started off the game with the unconventional flip-flop of Howard and Utley. He later showed some gumption and kept Brett Myers in the game instead of pinch-hitting for him in the 7th. That's the end of the road for "good moves", as Fuqua then turned to the previously mentioned fart-knocker Madson in the 10th who promptly lost the game. That was an obvious situation for Gas-Can Geary.
*All I care about is victory, so cheating is not above me...what are morals and ethics? Anyway, I am now trying to revive the career of Tonya Harding and her crew as hired hitmen...watch out Brian McCann and Edgar Renteria!
*Before the season began, I predicted 92 wins. Accompanied with those 92 wins, unfortunately are 70 losses. That means, 1 heartbreak down with 69 more to go, but with 92 triumphs mixed in along the way with an overall victorious outcome. I'm not ready to give up on this season after 1 crummy loss, wait to talk to me until after Wednesday.

~Carson

34 comments:

GM-Carson said...

Phillies vaunted offense- 11 k's, 16 left on base...that's just piss-poor!

Oh yeah, Ryan Madson is the Anti-Christ.

chuckm said...

When it rains it pours...9 innings of Wheeler this season on TV. I shit you not. (per Marc Narducci in todays Inquirer Season Preview section)

1st-3rd- Harry, Wheeler, Sarge
4th-6th: Wheeler, Sarge
7th-9th: Harry, Wheeler, Sarge


Please, if anybody knows where Wheeler lives, lets break in and rescue the blackmail pictures he has of Dave Montgomery

BenJah said...

well, i saw the whole thing, in person, and here is the report you requested:

the phils didn't look prepared. they played against a TEAM, and the phils looked like a bunch of very good players, who all knew what THEY had to do, but didn't know how to put it together like a team. they kept waiting for the braves to lie down....well, you don't win 15 or so division titles by doing that.

at least they got baserunners! timely hitting is an easier thing to fix than no baserunners at all. you could tell it was the first game....we shall see

Bob D said...

Dilema1: destroy your car not the XM radio
Dilema2: secretly burn the Braves Jersey or tear it to shreds then frame your dog (if you have or get one as a gift). I personally like the 2nd suggestion.
Don't worry about Madson, he should do fine this year, he just had a problem trying to hit Renteria's bat during the bunt attempts.
Flipping Howard and Utley was pretty smart.

Skeeter said...

In a court of law, you would get full custody of your baby. The judge would see that your wife is a Braves fan, which would make his decision to rule in her favor an impossibility.

das411 said...

Anyone else think that if Bourn had PHed for Myers in the 7th, he could've scored on the double by J-Roll and then our new six-fingered setup man has that extra few mph to get one past Renteria?

Ahhh nothing quite like second-guessing the first game of the season!

BloodStripes said...

Flash pitched the 9th in a tied game. Thats pretty new for Fuqua.

Let's give 'em April to see if they are the real deal or not. Above .500 the Phils are a chance. Below .500 and it could be another 3 game wild card miss.

GM-Carson said...

Wheeler lives in some gated community in Blue Bell. The 4th-6th innings are going to be tough to stomach, I may need to hit mute and do my own commentary (that's what I do with Joe Morgan).

Bob D- I too thought blowing up my car was more rational. Also, I already own a dog and he's well behaved so framing him would be difficult unless I slathered some beef jerky scent all over the jersey.

If we have another losing April, I writing Pat Gillick a mandate as to fire Charlie Manuel. But as much as I hate Manuel, I do not want it to come down to that. I'd much rather win and suffer through Fuqua, than lose and get a new manager.

GM-Carson said...

Oh, I forgot to include something very corny in this post- I literally got goosebumps on both arms when Tom Gordon struck out Pena with the bases loaded in the 9th. Those stupid commercials are true.

BloodStripes said...

LOL. It was a good moment. Some good things happened. Long way to go.

GM-Carson said...

Try this perspective on- I predicted 92 wins, meaning there's still 92 triumphs yet to come. That also means, I predicted 70 losses, so there's 1 down with 69 more heartbreakers left. In the end, we will be victorious though. I'm keeping my optimism. I'm not letting crappy situational hitting and shoddy bullpen pitching stop it...at least not until after Wednesday's game.

BloodStripes said...

Your cracking me up GM. Should we laugh or cry about this team. Here's hoping they make us laugh.

Man we really are phanatics. Loonies!

BloodStripes said...

Look at this way GM. Soon you'll have and child to take care of and your life will be fucked whther the Phillies win or not. HA!

OK just kidding. Soon your child will mean everything and the Phils will come 2nd. Yes 2nd, very close, but 2nd. When the Phils lose or have a shit year you'll blow it off because nothing will phase after you become super dad.

BloodStripes said...

few typos there, but you get my drift.

This is my hour on suicide watch. Corey, anyone.......your up next.

All is well GM

GM-Carson said...

Glad to know you guys are looking out for my well-being. The Phillies aren't worth suicide. A broken hand- yes, death- no.

BloodStripes said...

Always mate. Even from the other side of the world.

Skeeter said...

Carson, I got a description of my opening day over on my site. And to answer your question, "yes."

And guess what everyone, while Charlie isn't close to being a good manager, you can't possibly blame him for all of this. Pat Gillick has been just a bad GM since he came to Philly. I have little faith in him. He hasn't gotten Manuel anything to work with in the bullpen. All he says is "pitching is something everyone is looking for and no one wants to give it up." Well the Braves KNEW their pen was a problem and they got Gonzalez and Soriano. Gillick knew we had a problem and signed a 6-fingered shithole!! Am I the only one who isn't happy with Gillick after 15 months? All of our best players were already here before he arrived.

161-1 will still happen though

goDuke said...

I don't honestly know whats worse, 9 innings of Wheeler or 9 of Sarge. He is horrible. I think you might just have to hit mute and listen to the radio.

GM-Carson said...

Patty G has crapped the bed this offseason. Failing to sign a reliable relief pitcher was/is unacceptable. Madson sucks, anybody can see that. We needed a Chad Bradford, Scott Linebrink, or a Rafael Soriano. Trade Lieber to the M's for Soriano...Lieber is better than Horacio Ramirez. Manuel is not at fault for yesterday's loss. The blame falls on the offense, Madson, and Gillick.

Moe Ville said...

Maybe you should switch to Sirius. By the time XM and Sirius merge the Phils might be Madson and Fuqua-less. Does Wheeler really live in Blue Bell? That's where I grew up. One more reason to denounce my roots. Bababooey.

GM-Carson said...

Yes, Chris Wheeler lives in Blue Bell, I actually wasn't making that up.

My kid better be a Phillies fan, plain and simple.

Moe Ville said...

It's gonna be okay. I have four kids who like the Phillies but, thank god, don't LOVE the Phillies.

furiousBall said...

I don't get batting Howard third. It might work out. I am of the opinion that Utley is the Phils best hitter and Howard isn't the most fleetest afoot (in fact, you might make the arguement that Chase is also the Phils best baserunner too). I'll wait and see, but yeah what up with that line up Charlie?

GM-Carson said...

I liked the creativity of batting Utley 4th behind Howard. But, my question is, are the fans going to begin booing Chase when he doesn't provide adequate "protection"? Because those same dumbass fans continue to boo Burrell even when he's not messing up.

goDuke said...

no game = no comments.

GM-Carson said...

I figured today would be a slow day because of there being no game. Hopefully I can write something rousing to stir the the troops for tomorrow's game though.

goDuke said...

I am sure you will come up with some of your usual good stuff. Its tough for me on slow days, since I found "We Should be GM's" I have been a loyal reader. The fact that I have access all day at work is great for days when theres lots of comments... its rather worthless when there aren't many though. I think that "You're my boy Burrell" should become the new Phillies rallying cry.

GM-Carson said...

Vince Vukovich, the son of the late John Vukovich, threw out the first ball yesterday. John Vukovich, the longest tenured coach in Phillies history, died last month from a brain tumor. The Phillies held a moment of silence for Vukovich and other members of the Phillies family who died since last season: organist Paul Richardson, pitcher Cory Lidle, outfielder Johnny Callison and pitching coach Vern Ruhle.

Jacobin said...

Yes, there is your true "goosebumps moment." Vuk's kid throwing out the first pitch. There's something that should get you by the heartstrings... then phire you up at the same time. I'm guessing Ryan "Bad Dog" Madson was sitting on a toilet somewhere in the bowels of Citizen's Bank Park at the point of the program.

Los said...

What an absolute disappointment yesterday was. I will try and ignore the fact that you are married to an Atlanta Braves fan. That would be like me being married to a Cowboys fan.

BenJah said...

i have to admit that i was totally shocked when i found out you were married to a braves fan....but then i saw the genius in it:

marry and impregnate braves nation in order to dilute their blood a bit. brilliant!! if you need me, i'll be looking for a mets chick...

Skeeter said...

You go after the Mets, I'll try to get at one of those Marlins cheerleaders.

GM-Carson said...

See, right there is the beauty and the genius of WSBGM's and Co. I inform all that I'm married to a Braves fan, and you guys put a positive spin on it by saying I'm dilluting their bloodlines...brilliant! Benjah- you go find a smokin' hot Long Island lassy and tickle her fancy. Skeeter have fun spearing a Marlin cheerleader. Anyone willing knock up a Nat fan?

BloodStripes said...

Sensational boys.....sensational.

Spread those Phillie seeds.