Thursday, April 19, 2007

Gabba Gabba Hey!

Hey, Ho, Lets Go! Fine upstanding citizen readers of this blog, I am flabbergasted with the Phillies right now. My anger is at a level where I'm not thinking logically or with reason, much along the lines of Pat Gillick and Charlie Manuel. I offer solace in a medley of Ramones songs today. Starting off with Beat on the Brat, followed by I Wanna be Sedated, 53rd & 3rd, and ending things with Teenage Lobotomy.

Beat on the Fuqua.
Beat on the Fuqua.
Beat on the Fuqua with a baseball bat.
Oh yeah, oh yeah, uh- oh.
What can you do?
What can you do?
With a Fuqua like that always on your back.
What can you do? Lose?

149 more games to go, I wanna be sedated.
No signs of winning or Ryan Howard's "O", I wanna be sedated.
Just get me to the stadium take me on a train.
Hurry hurry hurry before I go insane.
I can't control my fists, I'm about inflict pain.
Oh no no no no no.
Ba-ba-ba-bad-bad Ba-ba-ba-bad-bad, I wanna be sedated.

Broad & Pattison,
Standing at the Cit.
Broad & Pattison,
I'm tryin' to turn a trick.
Broad & Pattison,
The Phils are the ones they never pick.
Broad & Pattiosn,
Don't it make you feel sick?

Lobotomy, lobotomy, lobotomy, lobotomy!
Phillies did a job on me.
Now I am a real sickie.
Guess I'll have to break the news.
That I got no mind to lose.
All the girls are in love with me.
Now that I'm a 20-something lobotomy.


Negative Nancy:
*What the hell was Manuel thinking using up all the bench players before the 9th inning? I'm tired of Ruiz being pinch hit for Barajas. Ruiz is the superior hitter, but when that switch is made it limits the bench wiggle room. This is an obvious case where Barajas shouldn't even be on this damn team, and Coste should be the backup...we wouldn't have to pinch hit for him. Barajas was signed to a 2.5 million dollar contract, the bastard should be hitting for himself, but instead my initial reaction of "he sucks" has been on the money. So, Manuel uses Dobbs, Bourn, Werth, Ruiz, and Nunez...meaning when Ryan Howard pulls up lame beating out a crappy double play grounder, he has to stay in the game further aggravating me and his hammy.

*Maybe this injury, if not major, is a blessing in disguise for Howard and the Phillies. I know people are going to question my madness now, but think about. Howard is terrible right now, seriously looks lost in all aspects of the game. He gets a mental and physical break while the Phils call up the previously mentioned Coste an he "re-earns" his bench job. By the way, Ryan Howard looks dumb on the field. He's in a funk at the plate, but he simply seems unintelligent playing defense. He got picked off first base by Matt Smith, yep Matt Smith our pitcher, and Howard wasn't running, he was playing defense...pitiful.

*Now on to the subject of Matt Smith...demote his ass now. His line- 5 games, 2.2 IP, 3 H, 5 BB, 13.50 ERA, and 3.00 WHIP. Matt Smith doesn't throw strikes, and since he's a pitcher that's a problem.

*Why is No-Hit Nunez on this team? What the hell is his purpose? His defense is not good enough to warrant calling him a defensive specialist. His bat isn't threatening enough to even call it a weapon if he were in a fight. Once again, another Pat Gillick mistake.

*I said this in the comment section yesterday, but it needs repeated- Chase Utley should focus more on saving the offense than the ozone layer, and Ryan Howards should worry more about "contact" than a "contract".

*3-10, Three-and-freakin'-Ten...literally unbelievable to me. Officially the worst team in baseball right now.



BenJah said...

what's our record? 3 and 10. 3!.....and ten. how did we ever win three? it's a miracle!

i guess i see the "logic" in your blessing-in-disguise philosophy, but why couldn't helms have blessed us w/ a broken leg?? why did it have to be howard?

this may seem strange, but if we had to move a starter to the bullpen, a better candidate would have been moyer as a long reliever (something we need this season) or hamels (since he gets hurt so often). i understand why meyers will be good there, but geez: i'd rather he worked out his kinks in the rotation.

i never thought the phils would run away with the division like some people predicted, but i sure didnt see this total collapse coming either. sigh...

GM-Carson said...

I'm the optimistic retard that picked 92 wins for this team. Something inside of me says it is still going to happen, but that is coming from a mutation on my 17th never mind me.

For the life of me, I can not believe Manuel is still sitting in our dugout managing this team. I truly feel bad for the guy, because as much as I make fun of him, I know he's probably a decent dude and does have baseball knowledge. Too bad that baseball knowledge of his doesn't lend well to actually managing a MLB team, because he's completely inept in that department.

This Myers move is complete panic. I personally would have panicked at axed Manuel or released Madson, or demoted Matt Smith...but our genius GM decided to do the unconventional and stupid move.

BloodStripes said...

Cool post GM. The Ramones live on.

The Phils have officially panicked. Toward the end of last season I thought Gillick was on the right track. I have U-turned. His off-season moves were crap and now we are paying the price. Sack Manuel for Girardi and Barajas for Coste.

Myers in the bullpen makes it look stronger but will all the starters hold up? Leiber is gonna have to be good to make this one work. Eaton too. I like Moyer in the rotation. Wise man. Plenty to like about him. (Prove me right in a few hours Moyer).

More than anything we need a few hits with RISP.

GM-Carson said...

Sort-of-good-news: Clay Condrey and J.D. Durbin cleared waivers and are being sent to Ottawa.

Bad-news: Howard needs an MRI...DL likely.

From Victorino: "There's no answer," he said, looking up for a second. "It just has to happen. It's not like we're not trying. It's so frustrating. We got guys on base, and can't get the two-out hit that we need. It's 10 times more frustrating to lose that way."

BloodStripes said...

Right now the Phils are the crappiest hitters in baseball with RISP. Its enough to make you wanna scream at a wall.

Check your head!!!

GM-Carson said...

"Scream at a wall"- Minor Threat

"Check your Head"- Beastie Boys

Love it!

131 runners stranded on base through 13 games...that's the worst since the Tigers in '73 or something like that.

BloodStripes said...

That is chronic.

AT least the only way is up.

goDuke said...

I don't know what to say about the Myers thing. I am literally dumbfounded. There's no way this works out. The only positive is that we get the Donut Dynamo back in the starting rotation. Its all downhill anyway... college is getting out soon which means my boy Burrell's numbers are going to drop like a pair of college co-eds undies.

Dave Kingman said...

The problem is we need an owner who cares about winning, someone like Jeff Lurie. These owners DON'T CARE!! Why should we give them our money!

GM-Carson said...

A boycott would have to be a full-out collective effort by the entire fanbase to actually work, and I just don't see that happening. For example, Corey and I plan on going to some games this season and having a WSBGM's tailgate...true fans come to see the team no matter how bad they suck. I love baseball, I can't stay away from will power.

Anonymous said...

I am seeing two games next week and feel like a sucker for buying the tickets. I can't believe the Phillies are the worst team in baseball right now.

This is getting out of control.

furiousBall said...

I think the Ramones, even with their dead members in the field could beat the Phils right now

GM-Carson said...

Joey Ramone lives forever in my own personal HappyLand.

Of course the Phils are winners in that HappyLand too, so we know it's fictional.

I wish I could punch the next idiot who says something along the lines of "It's a 162 game schedule, and we're only 13 games into it...there's a long way to go." Well, no duh fart-knocker, I can do math unlike Fuqua. But just because there's 149 games left to be played doesn't mean the team will miraculously figure out how to play the game fundamentally and turn this thing around.

Dave Kingman said...

Why not tailgate but not go to the game? These owners are making suckers out of us fans. Unless the fans take a stand this shit will never change. How many more years do you want to just miss the playoffs. The only way to change this sad ass team is to get new ownership. If they start losing money they will be willing to sell. How many more years will we listen to them say they will spend on a top free agent, like Soriano, only to see another team sign them. This should not be a small market team! Our tax dollars, if you live in PA, helped finance this disgrace! Carson, are you happy with a team, you predicted winning 92 games, being the worst team in baseball?

GM-Carson said...

Kingman- you know damn well I'm not happy. We're all UNhappy! I'd love to think me not going to a game this year would make a difference, just like me recycling my beer cans saves the world...isn't going to amount to shit. To have a REAL effect on the owners' pockets, we as a fanbase would have to collectively boycott...and that's difficult to organize.

Dave Kingman said...

Well, between here and Beerleaguer we could try to make a statement. Maybe a big rally outside of CBP with signs and lots of brew.

Jacobin said...

Did you see the quote from donut eating Lieber about Myers being sent to the pen? If not, here it is:

"I still believe Brett is our No. 1 starter. I think he deserved that role," Lieber said. "If people look at a couple of bad starts from him for being in the situation he's in, they're obviously wrong."

Is it just me or is the between the lines message here, "Fuqua was a dumbass for putting me in the bullpen and he's even fucking dumber for moving Myers there. Mmm... donut."

GM-Carson said...

Jacob- I don't think you're too much in between the lines there...that sounds like Donut-Eater is referring to Manuel as a dumbass and the move of Myers to the 'pen as a bad decision.

Dave Kingman said...

How about we follow the Oakland A's. They are 8-7 and in first place, plus they do have a connection to Philly. By the way our homie Jim Thome has 5 jacks and is hitting .342/.519/.789, shame we couldn't have figured a way to keep him and Howard.

GM-Carson said...

From FoxSports: The word on the street is that Charlie Manuel is on the hot seat. But Phillies general manager Pat Gillick, the man who ultimately will decide Manuel's fate, did not make it seem that way yesterday. Gillick addressed speculation that Manuel, who is in the final year of a three-year contract, could be fired soon if the team doesn't snap out of its early season funk. "We're behind Charlie," Gillick said in a telephone interview. "Basically, the manager usually gets the heat because the team doesn't start well. But, you know, I think the responsibility lies as much with the players as it does with the manager right now. There certainly was sufficient opportunity for us to win some games and score more runs than we have, and thus far we haven't done it. So we're just going to have to stay positive, keep our chin up, and fight through it."

Stay positive? BullShit!!!!! Ain't no positive about this cast of losers.

michael said...

well here some things to make you laugh, i found this on another message board i go to. when they talk about the phillies they are some of the dumbest people alive. here are two funny posts from today involving howard getting an mri:

poster 1:
this is an overwhelmingly unpopular opinion, and definitely won't happen, but i still think the smartest move the phillies could make for the good of the franchise would be to trade howard for as much pitching as they can get for him, move utley to first, and either put nunez at second or go get another second baseman. preferably a guy that's a good contact hitter.

poster #2
i wouldn't have too much of a problem with that. i love howard, but we need serious pitching. not to mention the dude hasn't truly proved himself in the MLB yet. i mean...he's come as close as you can, but it wouldn't be altogether shocking if he didn't hit 40 home runs every year

Anonymous said...

Howard has come back to Philly for an MRI on his leg...good thing Elmer used up all his position players before the tenth inning last night. Playing an extra three innings must have done wonders for Howard's knee!

GM-Carson said...

...and yet Manuel remains in charge of handling this team on the field, after countless screw-ups like this lastest debacle with Howard's knee and being unable to replace him with a bench player. Manuel is not entirely at fault (don't want to be accused of that) but he is a stupid manager, and therefore should NOT be a manager.

Dave Kingman said...

Michael, I see your point but we need to see how Howard will respond to getting the "Barry Bonds" treatment. Managers have said they will not let Howard beat them no matter who bats behind him. Will he be patient or will he start swinging at more bad pitches in frustration? He is on pace to get almost 200 strikeouts this season. Bonds only had over 100 strikeouts in a season once in his career, his first when he had 102.

GM-Carson said...

Good news- Howard's injury will keep him out of the lineup, thus screwing up his current pace to rack up more than 200k's....hahaha, there's always a silver lining.

This boat has done-did sank like the Titanic. Just like the Titanic, the Phils were hyped before the season and are now failing miserably.

Dave Kingman said...

These owners are so cheap they have Gillick give Fuqua a vote of confidence rather then have to pay him and a new manager for the rest of the season. The reason they did not sign Leyland is that he would have cost too much $.

GM-Carson said...

The Phils actually scored a run in the 1st inning...holy crap!

Ryan Howard is listed as day-to-day. Like I said in the post, as long as this isn't serious (I don't even want DL time) this could be a positive for mental break from his horrible start.

Jacobin said...

I somewhat agree with Gillick's comments. I mean, I'd be behind Manuel too... though I'd be kicking his ass out the door.

GM-Carson said...

After 1 inning- 2 runners left on base already! Victorino was on 3rd with only one out and he was stranded. Our batters are so pathetic they can't even manage a measly sac-fly or rbi groundout...nope our boy k or pop-up...shitty!

GM-Carson said...

I don't believe in jinxes, so I'm going to venture and say the Phils may actually win today. Rowand just necked one out of the park...just think what kind of power he'd have if he had shoulders.

Bob D said...

Jacob reading between the lines: Maybe some stupid move will work out and save my hide here. Maybe we will panic more and he will put Nunez in the pen.

I know you don't want to hear it Carson, but Its a long season and we are only 13.2 games into the season.

HA! I had to do that.

BENTZ said...

Here's the problem right now with firing Manual (and I'm taking the dangerous step of thinking as this front office would think).

The organization just got embarrassed by its least favorite person in the city, Howard Eskin. As much as I hate Eskin, he's sly and cunning and relatively intelligent when he's trying to be a snake. So he tried to embarrass Manual. The problem is, Eskin's actions may have backfired on the fire Manual parade. Because the organization hates Eskin, firing Manual anytime soon is going to look like acquiesing (sp?) to Eskin. So Manual flying off the top may have bought himself more time.

Again, the organization is dead-wrong, but I guarantee that's what ownership is thinking.

GM-Carson said...

It seems like no matter who we plug in the lineup the shit the bed. Dobbs has popped up twice this game already with a runner on 3rd with less than 2 outs...this is sickening.

michael said...

get coste up here, he can play first. greg dobbs...are you serious? we really have him on our team?

Dave Kingman said...

LOB: Dobbs 5, Helms 4. Nuff said.

michael said...

yeah, the two of them are setting the league on fire today..yuk. everyone else though contributing today.

Mike said...

I agree. Manuel and Nunez need to go, and Coste should be back in Philly. The Myers bullpen move is just unbelievable. I can't believe I thought the Phillies would win 90+ games.

michael said...

they've only played 8% of their games, they still could win 90 games. like judging an nfl team after going 0-1.

michael said...

game over. phillies win. THHHHAAAAAAAAAAAA PHILLIES WIN.

Anonymous said...

Wow, the Phillies won! I guess even Charlie Manuel can't lose them all!

Go Phils!

BloodStripes said...

Jamie Moyer is our ace!

Tom Gordon is pitching more and more like the Wild thing every outing.

3 for 16 with RISP. Better than yesterday. Still crap.

Call up Coste!!!

GM-Carson said...

BloodStripes- "still crap" got that right. Yes we won, but I'm going to be the "typical Phillies fan" right now and still point to negatives. Tom Gordon sucks! His pitches barely have anything on them and his control is's worse than watching Jose Mesa, and that's bad! 10 more runners left on base again today. The Phils continue to load the bases without producing hits...therefore scoring zero or 1 measly run instead of going for the KILL. It's one win, and I'll take it, but it still sucks!

BloodStripes said...

Interesting game tomorrow with Donut Eater starting. He better produce or he will cop it big time.

Jacobin said...

We are the overlords of LOB! The Phils get on base like no one else, but when it comes time to seal the deal... it's like a lineup of 40-year-old virgins.

4-10!!! Now we're on a roll, we should celebrate... hey, I know why don't we:

Call up Coste! Fire Fuqua!

das411 said...

The Model Dictator has been awfully quiet this season...

...and where is Randall Simon when/if we need him?? Or hell, Jeremy Giambi for that matter?

Skeeter said...

yo boys. I haven't been commenting on here (or anywhere) as much I usually would like too. I guess graduating college is serious stuff?

Anyways, Gordon hasn't shown any real signs of domination and Myers as a closer may be our only shot at saving this season. I hope I am wrong though.