Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Black Manuel Moan

When a weathered, God-fearing blogger finds the town idiot and baseball coach severely beaten and left for dead on the side of the road, he vows to cure him of his stupidity and mistaken double-switches in:



Corey

_________________________________

"Off" Day?

There is no saving Charles Fuqua Manuel...Off with his head! The excruciating pain of being a Phillies fan needs some relief, if only temporary, and that relief can come from the firing of our brainy skipper. I am not blaming Manuel for the Phils woes, but some of this is his fault and he's also the quickest/easiest "fix". I'm also not suggesting to allow Jimy Williams to take over at the helm, because he is just like Charlie Manuel minus the speech impediment. Give the job to Davey Lopes, let Burrell be a player/manager, call up Jim Fergosi and see what the hell he's been up to...I don't care just get rid of Fuqua! Another manager couldn't do much worse, so trying a new one out will only lead to further suckiness or possibly winning. Wait, what was that, winning did you say? Yes, winning, you know what Jim-Me Rol-Lins (thanks Mets fans) said this club was going to do this year. By pure dumb luck a new manager could come in and turn things around just because the players get a wake-up call and a clear message has been sent- "do your f'n job!".

Game Notes:
1. All offseason I heard Phillies "insiders" talk about the improved defense of Ryan Howard. The man looks lost on the field, committing 3 errors with plenty more questionable plays already...DH anyone?
2. ESPN is now mocking our relief pitching and calling it a "Pig Pen", hahaha, real funny there fellas. Try being original, as Skeeter has been referring to it as the Port-o-Potty, now that's humor.
3. As mentioned above, the Mets fans gave "Jim-Me Rol-Lins" an earful yesterday, and although I hate New York, that was a classic moment.
4. We had the bases loaded 3 times yesterday, twice with NO outs, and managed to score 1 pitiful run. This has been a problem for the Phils in the past, continues to be now, and will be in the future. But I thought Manuel's laid back buddy-old-pal approach was supposed to put the players at ease in those situations...go figure.
5. Cole Hamels just demanded a trade.

~Carson

46 comments:

GM-Carson said...

This poster is digusting in a delicious funny way.

I'm disowning the Phillies if they don't axe Manuel today on the "off day".

Skeeter said...

This was a classic post. That poster of Corey's head on a black body is incredibly disturbing. But the fact that Manuel's head is on a white chicks body makes it all better.

And goddamn that port-o-potty line is becoming so true. Hey, at least Lieber looks good in the pen, Jesus Christ!

The Cole Hamels line might as well be true. The poor kid deserves a winning team.

I also feel Manuel is not responsible for these losses, Gillick ultimately is. However, a new manager can IN NO WAY do worse. Also, how many times has the 'rookie' Ruiz been up with the bases loaded? Why does Manuel all of a sudden think he is Ortiz out there? And how come Manuel STILL doesn't know how to make a double switch?!?!?!

....AND NONE OF THIS CAN BE BLAMED ON PAT BURRELL!

GM-Carson said...

News-Flash: Charlie Manuel is unintelligent, stupid, idiotic, a moron, R-Tard, dumbass, bumbling slap-nut...add more to the list if you feel the need.

Skeeter said...

jackass, incompetent, an embarrassment to Phillies fans

Moe Ville said...

Gentlemen, Don't forget Douchebag.

GM-Carson said...

Moe Ville- I thought you were calling Manuel a "gentleman", but than I realized you were referring to us and actually saying Charlie is a douchebag.

I blame Michael Jack Schmidt for my plight as a Phillies fan. If he wasn't so freaking awesome while I was growing up, he wouldn't have become my boyhood idol, and I may have actually grew up rooting for a winner. Damn you Schmidt, damn you!

GM-Carson said...

From yesterday's poll- the Abreu/Lidle trade has been slightly edged by the 2007 bullpen debacle. My opinion- both horrible decisions by Patty G.

Moe Ville said...

Sorry for the confusion. Fuqua=Douchebag.

furiousBall said...

I'm sending a letter to Pat Gillick, offering a bag of shit for the entire roster of Phils relivers.

michael said...

we should realistically be a 5-2 team. should of won those first 2 at atlanta, the 2nd at florida and yesterday. this team is so hard to root for i wanted to throw my radio out the window yesterday listening to that 7 run inning. it was just embarrassing. manuel is killing me!!!! but nice to see howard finally hit the damn ball when it mattered yesterday too bad this fn' team can't hold a lead.

Skeeter said...

For the first time in a very long time, I am happy there is no game today. I feel bad for saying that but it is true.

michael said...

furious..i think your overpaying.

Skeeter said...

furiousball- I actually wrote a letter to Gillick last night.

GM-Carson said...

Skeeter- I feel bad saying it too, but I am also glad there is no game today. I have ZERO confidence in this team right now. This frustration has been mounting for years, and it's come to an apex. The Phils have failed me for so long, and the beginning of this season is worse than I thought imaginable. The season can be salvaged, but something, anything needs to be done quickly to avert yet another wasted year.

Skeeter said...

Also, I'm at WIP right now, and idiots are STILL calling up the radio station and blaming Burrell for the slow start. And no one is disagreeing! I'm baffled at this stupidity.

GM-Carson said...

Yep, all those "idiots" are right. Burrell and his 7 game hitting streak are obviously to blame for this poor start. Burrell is at fault for the overall poor defense, shitty situational hitting, and bullpen mishaps. Blame Burrell!

*Sarcasm now over, my apologies.

Parker said...

That has to be the funniest thing I've seen all week (Poster). Aside from the Phillies play.

Jacobin said...

Meanwhile, Gillick sends Coste to Ottawa... no reason we'd need a guy with heart on this team. Why would we need someone that can catch and hit over .300 in limited action last season? Oh, we have Rod Fuqua Barajas to catch and we have guys like Abe Fuqua Nunez to come off the bench and pinch hit.

The problems are pretty apparent: 68 men left on base through seven games and a bullpen that gets scored on more often than a West Virginia trailer park porn queen at her family reunion.

furiousBall said...

I think we should shorten the term situation hitting to "shitting" from hear on out, the Phils love shitting badly with the bases loaded.

I've restructured my offer to Gillick for the entire Phillies bullpen upon counsel of the board here. I'm now offering a bag of dried up left in the yard dog shit for the relief staff.

Skeeter said...

Hilarious Jacobin. Great commentary and I assume that trailer you are speaking of is Manuel's next door neighbor.

I assume every Phillies fan reading this is depressed, so I have something that may help: Get in your car, drive to the nearest theatre, pay the 9 dollars to see Grindhouse, and enjoy over 3 hours of entertainment. It was a bloody mess of a good time.

GM-Carson said...

Skeeter- So you recommend GrindHouse? I think it looks awesome.

FuriousBall and Jacobin just gave some of the best quotes on this site yet. Situational Hitting=Shitting for the Phils...classic. The WV porn star quote was hilarious too.

How sad it is to be a Phils fan...

Bob D said...

Carson for GM!
Corey for Manager!
Skeeter for bench coach!
Furiousball for spokesman!
BenJah for scout!
problems solved

I can see the results now:
during batting practice the pitchers throw at Nunez's head(all at once)
Barajas is spiked on base running drills
Coste recalled
Nearest septic service drains the "porto potty" bullpen they are better off with the AA and AAA pitchers out there.

Skeeter said...

It is very sad... when your team is SO bad that you welcome statements involving shitting, sex with family members, bags of old dog shit and movie reviews on a Phillies website.

Because honestly, at this point, I would much rather talk about that than this baseball team.

GM-Carson said...

I must say, WSBGM's has some of the funniest and most creative commenters on the internet. I love the humor in the face of yet another disappointing season.

I'm going to search the rumor bin for news of us acquiring Alex Rodriguez, Joe Nathan, or Curt Schilling.

Skeeter said...

HAHAHA

Bob- hilarious! At this point, all of us on this site could do better than the front office and coaches have.

And how are you at speaking Bob? Because I cannot listen to Sarge any longer. Take over for him pleeeeease.

GM-Carson said...

Shit not one mention of us even coaxing Mitch Williams out of retirement...this sucks!

michael said...

mitch has the pre game show to worry about. but i think larry anderson should pull double duty of announcing and reliever

GM-Carson said...

I bet Larry Andersen still has a serviceable slider, better than any of Madson's offerings.

What else is funny...oh yeah, I saw Blades of Glory and that's good for some laughter. The costumes alone are funny.

kentucky phils phan said...

FIRE MANUEL....and trade the worthless pile of crap, aka our bullpen, for anything anyone will offer....just hope that we don't get a dime in return, thats about wat the whole bunch is worth.

GM-Carson said...

I just looked at the poster Corey made again and laughed, that is high quality funny stuff...thank you Corey.

I'm unsure what to post for tomorrow. I want to go off on a rant like I never have before, but I also want to shine some optimism that things can't possibly get worse...then again we could continue losing without any more wins which would be worse.

Skeeter said...

dude, post about big league chew. That always makes for a good read.

GM-Carson said...

A post of Big League Chew, John Kruk, rockin' punk music, and of course the hairy monkey nipple may be in order.

Funny story about Exlax in regards to yesterday's post- Let me tell you about a prank Corey pulled on me...I was a fat kid in love with candy. So Corey got the Butterfinger BB's and rolled them in some melted chocolate exlax and watched my fat ass eat the entire bag. Needless to say, within 4 hours I was ready to explode.

That bastard! And he's supposed to be my best friend.

McD said...

I know I can always turn to you guys for a laugh during these dismal days of April. You are better than a bottle of prozac and Dr. Phil!

Jacobin said...

It's easy to bag on West Virginia. I've been there once or twice... strangely enough when you enter Keyser, W.Va., the sign welcoming you to town mentions it is the hometown of John Kruk (or at least it did 10 years ago).

I have a friend who comes from West Virginia. Do you think she could get a job with the Phillies PR department as an Appalachia-to-English translator for the Fuqua media sessions? I really think they should subtitle him when he's on television talking.

I'm thinking of the movie Major League where they had the stand-up poster of the owner and would remove a portion of her clothing with each win. Perhaps the Phillies could do the same thing, where for each game they win they reveal one of the mystery partners that owns the team!

McD said...

David Montgomery and his junta must be deposed!


Viva La Revolution!!!

Skeeter said...

Corey, for making you shit everywhere, is a comic genius.

BenJah said...

bob d: i like your administrative lineup!!

as good as utley and howard are, we cant forget that they have never led a team for a whole season. i sure hope they figure it out, though, b/c this could get ugly.

of course, they'll probably tease us again by winning 10 of their next 12 before blowing it all together

The Dierkes Circus said...

hey carson, i put up the links, i read wsbgms pretty reguarly it would be sweet if i could get linked from you guys. also, im master batters in the fantasy league. keep up up the good work.

GM-Carson said...

There was a Whelkman siting on here yesterday, what the hell happend to him? He was one of the first regular posters on this blog.

Anyway, it's nice to not have to worry about the Phils losing today because they're not playing today. I kept checking the headlines all day long hoping to see the firing of Charlie Manuel, but looks like Gillick is holding out for more evidence that he's completely inept at managing, and speaking for that matter.

GM-Carson said...

One of this week's post will update the World on the WSBGM's Phantasy League, because I know that everyone wants to know, more so than just the 15 participating members that is. The No-Talent-Ass-Clowns aren't fairing too well right now...it's all in the name I suppose.

GM-Carson said...

From Phillies.com in regards to hitting with runners in scoring position: While Burrell is at .800 (4-for-5 with five RBIs), the team is a collective .188 (13-for-69) with 23 strikeouts. That has a direct result on the Phillies having left 68 men on base through the first seven games, to lead the Major Leagues.

Howard is 2-for-13 (.154) with six strikeouts, while Chase Utley is 1-for-9 (.111).

*That sucks!

Whelkman said...

Regarding Black Snake Manuel: I'd still hit it.

das411 said...

Does anybody else remember when Brett Myers took all that shit this winter, when he said he would close if the team needed him to?

...we needed him to close about 7 games ago dammit!!!

BloodStripes said...

GM - Your Mike Schmidt comment was spot on. If it wasn't for him.......well who knows. Maybe I would be an Angels fan considering I saw them play.

Oh well. Call me sucker because Phillies blood pumps through my veins. I'm hooked and there's no turning back.

GM-Carson said...

Almost every season at least a dozen times I sit and wonder "why am I a Phillies fan?". Even if I tried to quit them I couldn't. I love the Phils for better or for worse, and there is no divorce in Baseball Land USA...not permitted by the Baseball Gods, or you will be shunned.

BloodStripes said...

Yep, we are stuck with them big fella.